(My grandma, mum, and I are having tea at a small cafe. Next to us there is this decorated table, which is reserved, and every waitress warns people about this when they try sitting down. One guy is about to sit there when a waitress approaches him.)

Waitress: “I’m sorry, sir. This table is reserved.”

Guy: “Oh. We’re four people.” *tries to sit down*

Waitress: “Okay, but this table is still reserved.”

Guy: “We’re only four people!”

Waitress: “Sir, you can not sit here. We’ll find you another table.”

Guy: *as he leaves* “But we’re four people!”

(I’m answering a survey about supermarkets.)

Caller: “From 1 to 5, how good is [Supermarket]?

Me: “I don’t know; I’ve never been to one of those.”

Caller: “…sorry, I can’t leave a blank answer.”

Me: “Are you serious? How am I supposed to give you useful information?”

Caller: “You can guess…?”

Me: “Okay, three. That way it’ll affect your results the least.”

Caller: “That’s smart.”

(He keep asking questions and there are A LOT I cannot answer, as not every one of the supermarkets are in my city. I keep answering “I don’t know, so three”.)

Caller: “Well, thank you very much for contributing to this survey.”

Me: “You do know that the results will be full of lies, right?”

Caller: *nervous laughter*

(I’m the customer in this one. It’s Valentine’s Day, and although it is not a really celebrated holiday in my country, the company is American. I have already ordered and I’m about to pay when the cashier smiles at me and asks me a question.)

Cashier: “Are you in love?”

(I was rejected by my crush two weeks ago, so the question doesn’t make me happy at all.)

Me: “No, not really…”

Cashier: *bummed* “…I’ll give you the discount anyway. I hate having to ask that.”

(I am a US citizen. I don’t look like a native Argentine. I’m with a group of my friends. I have a face that is often mistaken for a worker wherever I am—even in the USA. I grab a menu so I can decipher it while we are waiting for a waiter. A customer grabs me by my lapels.)

Customer: *in Spanish* “We’ve been waiting for forty minutes and no one has come. Why? We’re hungry and livid!”

Me: *thinking quickly* “I’m sorry, ma’am. We got a sudden lunch rush. Half of our wait staff called off because of sickness, and those who are here are working as hard as we can.”

Customer: “It’s not enough! You better take our order, NOW!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you’re next on my list. I’ll take care of you right now. Let me go get my stuff; I’ll be right back.”

(She shoves me away, and into another table. I stand up, apologize, and rejoin my friends.)

Friend: *in English* “What was that all about?”

Me: “That lady has been waiting for a while and she’s angry about it.”

Friend: “So… she… thinks you’re a waiter?”

Me: “Yep, and she’s going to be waiting a while longer.”

(I work at a tech support call center that works with employees in the USA.)

User: “…and where are you guys located?”

Me: “Buenos Aires, Argentina.”

User: “Really? That far?”

Me: “Yeah… it is pretty far from the US, isn’t it?”

User: “And what’s the weather like today over there?”

Me: “Well, it has been really cold all week. Today it was 32 F when I left home.”

User: “And it is that cold during the summer?!”

Me: “Um… no, actually, it’s not summer over here; it’s winter. We are all the way at the south.”

User: “What do you mean it’s winter there? Are you serious?”

Me: “Yes, when it’s summer in the north, it’s winter in the south of the world, and vice versa.”

User: “For real? Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, very much indeed. It is winter here.”

User: “Well… I guess you might be right.”

(The user remains silent for a few seconds.)

User: “But… when do you have Christmas?!”

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3