A Membership To The Humanity Club

, , , , , | Friendly | October 7, 2019

When I was in my last year of high school, my family got into huge economic problems and I couldn’t afford any kind of luxuries. I had to walk everywhere because even bus fare was beyond our means. I loved to read, but buying any new books was completely out of the question, and I grew tired of re-reading the ones I had at home.

There was only one library within walking distance to my school or home, but I couldn’t afford the very small amount of money needed to become a proper member, so I would hurry there to grab a book and read inside the building for the half-hour between the time I left school and the time the library closed. I would memorize the page I had reached and grab the same book to continue reading the following day. I had managed to read a couple of books after a few weeks of doing the same thing when the librarian called me over one day. To my great surprise, she told me that she had noticed me coming in every day and how enthralled I was in my reading, and offered to let me take out books with her membership, since I couldn’t afford one of my own.

Thanks to her, I was able to take out as many books as I liked during a very hard time in my life and have something new to read comfortably at home whenever I wanted. My family moved cities after that year and I never saw that librarian again, but to this day, I can’t forget her and her act of kindness that brightened my days in a very dark time.

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Being Very Frank About Spoilers

, , , , , | Right | June 27, 2019

(I am a volunteer guide at Anne Frank’s Museum for Human Rights. The first room is a timeline with pictures and important events of both Anne Frank’s life and World War II. My job is to guide the visitors through the timeline, expanding on the historical context and Anne’s personal experience. We are almost at the end when a visitor interrupts my explanation.)

Visitor: “STOP! Stop, stop. Don’t go on. I haven’t finished the book yet; you were about to tell me how it ends!”

Me: *speechless*

Visitor: *noticing the pictures of the family, along with the descriptions of how each of them died* “OH, MY GOD, this place is full of spoilers!”

(I never saw him again. I want to believe he is already reading newspapers from the ‘60s, still complaining about spoilers on the course of history. SPOILER ALERT: Hitler lost the war.)

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Valentine’s Crimes

, , , , | Romantic | February 14, 2018

(It’s Valentine’s Day, and although it’s not really celebrated in my country, we have a few things for the occasion. A young man comes running in, panting like crazy.)

Customer: “I need that teddy bear!” *points to a bear with a big heart on his chest* “And that balloon!” *a giant heart with “I love you” written on it*

Me: “Sure. It will be [amount].”

Customer: “Do you have chocolates?!”

Me: “Yes, I can recommend [Brand] that comes with a little love poem inside.”

Customer: “Yes, give me two.”

(I gather everything and put it in a red and pink bag. He pays and runs off like he’s being chased by the devil. My boss has been watching in silence until this moment.)

Boss: “Do you think he just forgot or that he needs to repent for some sins?”

Me: “I don’t want to know.”

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It’s Four Sure Still Reserved

, , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(My grandma, mum, and I are having tea at a small cafe. Next to us there is this decorated table, which is reserved, and every waitress warns people about this when they try sitting down. One guy is about to sit there when a waitress approaches him.)

Waitress: “I’m sorry, sir. This table is reserved.”

Guy: “Oh. We’re four people.” *tries to sit down*

Waitress: “Okay, but this table is still reserved”

Guy: “We’re only four people!”

Waitress: “Sir, you can not sit here. We’ll find you another table.”

Guy: *as he leaves* “But we’re four people!”

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Totally Three From The Truth

, | Working | December 6, 2017

(I’m answering a survey about supermarkets.)

Caller: “From 1 to 5, how good is [Supermarket]?

Me: “I don’t know; I’ve never been to one of those.”

Caller: “…sorry, I can’t leave a blank answer.”

Me: “Are you serious? How am I supposed to give you useful information?”

Caller: “You can guess…?”

Me: “Okay, three. That way it’ll affect your results the least.”

Caller: “That’s smart.”

(He keep asking questions and there are A LOT I cannot answer, as not every one of the supermarkets are in my city. I keep answering “I don’t know, so three”.)

Caller: “Well, thank you very much for contributing to this survey.”

Me: “You do know that the results will be full of lies, right?”

Caller: *nervous laughter*

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