Valentine’s Crimes

, , , , , | Romantic | February 14, 2018

(It’s Valentine’s Day, and although it’s not really celebrated in my country, we have a few things for the occasion. A young man comes running in, panting like crazy.)

Customer: “I need that teddy bear!” *points to a bear with a big heart on his chest* “And that balloon!” *a giant heart with “I love you” written on it*

Me: “Sure. It will be [amount].”

Customer: “Do you have chocolates?!”

Me: “Yes, I can recommend [Brand] that comes with a little love poem inside.”

Customer: “Yes, give me two.”

(I gather everything and put it in a red and pink bag. He pays and runs off like he’s being chased by the devil. My boss has been watching in silence until this moment.)

Boss: “Do you think he just forgot or that he needs to repent for some sins?”

Me: “I don’t want to know.”

It’s Four Sure Still Reserved

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(My grandma, mum, and I are having tea at a small cafe. Next to us there is this decorated table, which is reserved, and every waitress warns people about this when they try sitting down. One guy is about to sit there when a waitress approaches him.)

Waitress: “I’m sorry, sir. This table is reserved.”

Guy: “Oh. We’re four people.” *tries to sit down*

Waitress: “Okay, but this table is still reserved”

Guy: “We’re only four people!”

Waitress: “Sir, you can not sit here. We’ll find you another table.”

Guy: *as he leaves* “But we’re four people!”

Totally Three From The Truth

, , | Working | December 6, 2017

(I’m answering a survey about supermarkets.)

Caller: “From 1 to 5, how good is [Supermarket]?

Me: “I don’t know; I’ve never been to one of those.”

Caller: “…sorry, I can’t leave a blank answer.”

Me: “Are you serious? How am I supposed to give you useful information?”

Caller: “You can guess…?”

Me: “Okay, three. That way it’ll affect your results the least.”

Caller: “That’s smart.”

(He keep asking questions and there are A LOT I cannot answer, as not every one of the supermarkets are in my city. I keep answering “I don’t know, so three”.)

Caller: “Well, thank you very much for contributing to this survey.”

Me: “You do know that the results will be full of lies, right?”

Caller: *nervous laughter*

Unfiltered Story #101096

, | Unfiltered | December 2, 2017

(All the dialogues have been translated to English the closer I could to the expressions used by the doctor)
I go to my usual gynecologist, with whom Ive always been comfortable, because of some small irregularities on my period, which Ive skipped always in the same month of the year for two years, although Im not too worried since Im not 20 already and sometimes these things are normal. She makes me do some studies, which I do, and bring my results to her. My mother is a doctor so she had overlooked them beforehand and told me everything seemed okay.
The gyno takes a look at them, and finds one hormonal value 0,05 points up from the suggested count.
Doctor: Well, everything else looks perfect, but Ill give you [Strong hormone], which I dont really like, hate actually, cause it will give you regular headaches, vomit, gain weight, pain when on your period, and on some patiens depression. But you should feel lucky because im a good person and Im only giving you this for two years, some years ago people gave it out for six years. Ill give it to you right now so you can get started!
Me: (scared already) Im sorry, but I would like to explore my options here before such a decission, maybe get a second opinion with an endocrinologist to see if there is another way to correct this without such big repercussions on my body. Do you suggest anyone?
Doctor: (looking annoyed) No, I dont. You are free to come back once all of the other options have failed you…
I shakenly thank her and start leaving, Im half way through the door when:
Doctor: (yelling) Also you are most likely sterile and have [Syndrome]. Come see me if you want me to tell you what it means and how to live like that.

The whole waiting room stared at me in horror. I cried the whole way home, reading on my phone about the diagnosis while words like sterile, cancer, endometriosis and some really harsh treatments constantly popped out, and cried when I met the endocrinologist, who told me my blood exams looked normal, if anything I was be prone to having acne, and there was no visible reason to suspect of me being ill.
Ever since then I saw two other gynecologists, who re-did my exams several times each, telling me there was nothing out of the ordinary and that even without hormones I could lead a normal life. I still cry during the visits tho.
My previous doctor was a teenager specialist, I cringe thinking what she might have told other patients.