Doesn’t Beer-lieve You

| Right | August 11, 2016

(I used to work at an NHL venue in concessions. During games, almost every stand closes ten minutes into the third period, or during concerts, when the main act hits the stage. Only our largest stand in the east and west promenades stays open until the end – but alcohol was off. This is invariably the script for many, many evenings after this point is reached:)

Customer: “Can I get two beers?”

Me: “Sorry, beer is off in the Dome for the night.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Really. The taps are shut off and even locked.” *shows the tap, which has a lock to make it impossible to pull the lever – and the lever itself is even removed!*

Customer: “That sucks! What about [Bar-like Arrangement above the east promenade]?”

Me: “Off. It’s part of the Dome, so it follows the same rules.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: *inwardly, sarcastic* “No, I frequently lie to customers for my own amusement.” *outward* “Yes, really. There is nowhere in the building where you can still receive alcohol.”

Customer: *moment of silence* “What about [Upscale Club downstairs from west promenade]?”

Me: “Is it in the building?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “And I said there is nowhere in the building where alcohol is still being served?”

Customer: “I think you did, yeah.”

Me: “Then, no, it’s not still serving beer.”

Customer: “Really…?”

(The customer left, dejected — after trying to find two or three other solutions, and pleading with me to unlock the taps (I don’t possess the key). The things some people will do for booze!)

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Five-Second-Rule Does Not A-Pie

| Working | September 18, 2014

(I worked in the bars and food stalls at a big football stadium. It’s just before the gates open.)

Coworker #1: *who works in another stall* “Everyone, I need your attention. Do not eat any of the pies for lunch today.”

Coworker #2: “Why not?”

Coworker #1: “I just saw [Boss] getting them out of the freezer. He dropped them on the ground. Every one of them scattered across the dirty ground. He dusted them off and put them into the warmers.”

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The Sisterhood Of The Pee-In-My-Pants

| Working | August 15, 2013

(I go to a game with my dad and younger sister. Dad goes to the bathroom, and tells me to also take my sister before the game starts.)

Employee: “Excuse me! Excuse me! You two! Young ladies! Sit down!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Employee: “I can’t let you two go off on your own!”

Me: “But I’m 18, ma’am. And she’s my sister.”

Employee: “I can’t let you go off without your dad. It’ll be embarrassing for him if you two disappear.”

Me: “First of all, I’m 18. Here’s my ID to prove it, so I can go wherever I want. Second of all, my dad told me to take my sister. Third of all, we have cell phones, so we can call each other if anything happens. I’m going.”

Employee: “Take another step and I’ll call security!”

Me: “Do you have a rule that says I can’t take my sister to the bathroom?”

Employee: “Yes!”

Me: “Huh, I never saw that rule. Now if you don’t mind, my sister really needs to pee.”


Me: “Why are you doing that?!”

Employee: “I can’t let you two leave! If you were my kids, I’d make you wait for me!”

Me: “We are not your kids! Now, either give me the part of your policy that says I can’t take my sister to the bathroom, or get out of my way.”

Security: *grabs my sister and me* “What are you two doing?”

Employee: “They’re causing a scene!”

Onlooker #1: “No, they’re not! This girl is 18, and she wants to take her sister to the bathroom, and this lady won’t let her!”

Employee: “They were making threats! Call the police!”

Onlooker #2: “No, they weren’t. They were just going until your employee got in their way. That girl’s 18, and she should be allowed to go. Besides, look, there are younger kids going on their own!”

Security: *to employee* “Was that what happened?”

Employee: “Yeah! But we have a policy that says they can’t go on their own if they’re under 18! Tell them!”

Security: “No, there isn’t. And she’s 18. You can’t stop them. If anything, she can report you now for unlawful interference with patrons.”

Employee: “Well, they still shouldn’t go on their own!”

Security: *to us* “I’m so sorry, girls. Go ahead, and tell us if she bothers you again. You can file a complaint on our website.” *to employee* “I’m going to report this to your supervisor.”

(The employee gets a disciplinary action, and has to relearn their policy before she is allowed to go back to work! Now every time I go back, she has a dirty look reserved for me.)

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