My Number One Joke

, | CT, USA | Working | March 19, 2015

(I’m stationed at the front door as a greeter, and I also answer questions about our deals and policies and such. Our bathroom is in an odd place, and a lot of people ask me where they are. Towards the middle of a nine-hour shift, I decide to have some fun with people.)

Guest #1: “Excuse me, could you tell me where your bathroom is?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that information is confidential.”

Guest #2: “Is there a bathroom I can use?”

Me: “We do have a bathroom but you’re not allowed to use it. Everyone else can but not you, sorry.”

(Everyone I did this to was amused, and I of course always directed them to the bathroom.)

At The Height Of Rush Hour

| CT, USA | Working | January 28, 2015

(I’m working at the front doors. There are a lot of people coming in and out, and I’m directing traffic as best as I can, but it’s a Friday night so there are a lot of people. Also note that I’m 4’11” / 1.49 meters. This happens over the walkie-talkie.)

Manager #1: “We need someone at the front doors at all times!”

Manager #2: “[My Name] should be there. You probably can’t see her because she’s so small!”

Managers Throwing Their Weight Around

| USA | Working | November 27, 2014

(It’s a weekday at the beginning of the school year, so the building is dead. A friend of mine wanders in, so I’m talking to him at the prize counter. Two of my managers are at the cash register, cleaning up in front.)

Me: “Yeah, it’s been slow all day. We’ve had nothing to do, so we’ve mostly been playing on our phones.”

Friend: “Yeah that’s pretty boring.”

Me: “I’m hoping for—”

(All of a sudden, something hits my ear pretty hard. I look down to see a small hacky sack from the prize counter on the floor. I look over at my managers, the only other people close enough to throw something.)

Manager #1: “It was [Manager #2]!”

Manager #2: “Nuh-uh! It was [Manager #1]!”

Friend: “…yeah. You guys need more customers.”

Leave Them On A Nail-Biting Cliffhanger

| USA | Working | November 26, 2014

(I bite off part of my nail, and it starts bleeding. I put a bandage on it, but it keeps falling off. I see a coworker near the supply drawer, and call over to him.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], can you hand me some tape?”

Coworker: “Uh, sure.”

(He hands me the roll, and watches me take a piece off.)

Coworker: What do you need to tape, anyways?

Me: “My finger. I was biting on it and guess bit too much off.”

Coworker: “You… bit… WHAT?!”

Me: *suddenly realizing* “MY NAIL! I bit the nail off!”

Coworker: “I shouldn’t have asked.”

Some Jokes Always Come Back Around

| OH, USA | Right | September 30, 2014

(I’m working on the prize counter of an arcade. A father and his teenage son come up and start looking at prizes. They see a boomerang and the dad suggests it.)

Customer: “See, you could bring that to the park!”

Customer’s Son: “But I didn’t even know how to use it!”

Me: “It’ll come back to you.”

(The customer and his son cracked up laughing. They got the boomerang.)

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