That’s The Trigger Word

| Working | November 8, 2016

(My girlfriend recently took a week vacation to Hawaii with her mother. Before she left I taught her to pronounce the name, in Hawaiian , of the state fish commonly known as the reef trigger fish. The Hawaiian name is notoriously difficult to pronounce for non-locals. While in front of a large tank of fish with a tour guide…)

Guide: “Can anyone tell me which is the state fish of Hawaii?”

Girlfriend: “That one there.”

Guide: “Correct! But can anyone tell me its name?” *expecting trigger fish*

Girlfriend: *with perfect Hawaiian pronunciation* “Humuhumu-nukunuku-a-pua’a!”

Guide: *with a stunned look on his face* “That’s the first time anyone has ruined my shtick.”

(My girlfriend had a smile on her face all day and I got a shirt with a humuhumu-nuk… trigger fish.)

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Three Thinking

| Right | November 5, 2016

(The aquarium that I work at offers daily passes as well as yearly passes. You have the option to upgrade from a daily pass to a yearly pass at the end of your visit with a copy of your receipt. Also, we do not charge for children that are two and under.)

Customer: “I would like to upgrade to the yearly pass.”

Me: “Sure, we have a couple of options. Here is a form with the types of memberships we offer.”

(I go over the various types we have and we find a plan that suits her family.)

Me: “Okay, I just need you to fill out the bottom half with your name as well as the children’s names and their dates of births.”

Customer: “Uh… why do you need their birthdays? That’s not important.”

Me: *confused* “Well, we need it to make sure we don’t charge you for an extra child because I see on your receipt here that you have a child that is under three.”

Customer: “To be honest, I lied about that. He’s three, but I didn’t want to pay for him.”

Me: “…”

Coworker: “…”

Customer: “I’m sure people do this all the time…”

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Happy Feet Will Make You Walk On Water

| Related | October 28, 2015

(My parents and I are visiting the local aquarium. At the penguin exhibit, the ledge on which the penguins can enter the water is at the perfect height where it indeed looks like the birds are walking on water. Just as we’re getting a good look at the exhibit, a group of Catholic school children with a couple of nuns join us in the viewing space.)

Dad: *loudly* “Look, [My Name], God’s a penguin! I thought the second coming would be more glorious than this!”

(The kids all but knocked each other over clamoring for a spot closer to the glass. The nuns gave us dirty looks, and my embarrassed mother ushered us to the next exhibit, while Dad and I cracked up. I can only imagine the questions those nuns got!)

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A Fish In Troubled Waters

| Right | July 14, 2015

(I am an unpaid volunteer at a local aquarium. On this particular day we have a chocolate company visiting and vendors are set up throughout the building selling their food. I am working at an information desk at this time.)

Guest: “Hey, do happen to have an ATM in here?”

Me: “I apologize sir, but the closest ATM is outside in the parking garage.”

Guest: *suddenly yelling* “You mean to tell me I have to go all the way outside, come in, and pay AGAIN?!”

Me: “I assure you, you won’t have to pay again if you have your ticket. If not, you can ask for me to come verify you’ve been in. However, you will have to go back outside. I apologize for the inconvenience.”


Me: “Sir, please stop swearing; there are young children around. Again, I apologize for any inconvenience this has brought upon you, but we do not have a general need for an ATM except for this one day.”

(The guest goes into a rant about how I am ignorant and it is my fault the aquarium is losing money. I am losing my patience with this man and start zoning out. When he pauses to breathe, I take my chance to interject.)

Me: “I am terribly sorry, sir, but we do not have a use for ATMs as the fish do not require us to pay them on a regular basis.”

(The manager, who witnessed the whole thing, started laughing as she had security escort the man out.)

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Bird Brained, Part 10

| Right | June 30, 2015

(I’m standing looking at the penguin exhibit when I overhear this from the woman beside me.)

Woman: “Look how beautiful they are! They look almost like birds!”

This story is included in our Aquarium roundup!

Want to read the first story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

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