Three Thinking

| Right | November 5, 2016

(The aquarium that I work at offers daily passes as well as yearly passes. You have the option to upgrade from a daily pass to a yearly pass at the end of your visit with a copy of your receipt. Also, we do not charge for children that are two and under.)

Customer: “I would like to upgrade to the yearly pass.”

Me: “Sure, we have a couple of options. Here is a form with the types of memberships we offer.”

(I go over the various types we have and we find a plan that suits her family.)

Me: “Okay, I just need you to fill out the bottom half with your name as well as the children’s names and their dates of births.”

Customer: “Uh… why do you need their birthdays? That’s not important.”

Me: *confused* “Well, we need it to make sure we don’t charge you for an extra child because I see on your receipt here that you have a child that is under three.”

Customer: “To be honest, I lied about that. He’s three, but I didn’t want to pay for him.”

Me: “…”

Coworker: “…”

Customer: “I’m sure people do this all the time…”

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Happy Feet Will Make You Walk On Water

| Related | October 28, 2015

(My parents and I are visiting the local aquarium. At the penguin exhibit, the ledge on which the penguins can enter the water is at the perfect height where it indeed looks like the birds are walking on water. Just as we’re getting a good look at the exhibit, a group of Catholic school children with a couple of nuns join us in the viewing space.)

Dad: *loudly* “Look, [My Name], God’s a penguin! I thought the second coming would be more glorious than this!”

(The kids all but knocked each other over clamoring for a spot closer to the glass. The nuns gave us dirty looks, and my embarrassed mother ushered us to the next exhibit, while Dad and I cracked up. I can only imagine the questions those nuns got!)

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A Fish In Troubled Waters

| Right | July 14, 2015

(I am an unpaid volunteer at a local aquarium. On this particular day we have a chocolate company visiting and vendors are set up throughout the building selling their food. I am working at an information desk at this time.)

Guest: “Hey, do happen to have an ATM in here?”

Me: “I apologize sir, but the closest ATM is outside in the parking garage.”

Guest: *suddenly yelling* “You mean to tell me I have to go all the way outside, come in, and pay AGAIN?!”

Me: “I assure you, you won’t have to pay again if you have your ticket. If not, you can ask for me to come verify you’ve been in. However, you will have to go back outside. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Guest: “YOU KNOW WHAT?! I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR S***, YOU INSOLENT LITTLE F***!”

Me: “Sir, please stop swearing; there are young children around. Again, I apologize for any inconvenience this has brought upon you, but we do not have a general need for an ATM except for this one day.”

(The guest goes into a rant about how I am ignorant and it is my fault the aquarium is losing money. I am losing my patience with this man and start zoning out. When he pauses to breathe, I take my chance to interject.)

Me: “I am terribly sorry, sir, but we do not have a use for ATMs as the fish do not require us to pay them on a regular basis.”

(The manager, who witnessed the whole thing, started laughing as she had security escort the man out.)

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Bird Brained, Part 10

| Right | June 30, 2015

(I’m standing looking at the penguin exhibit when I overhear this from the woman beside me.)

Woman: “Look how beautiful they are! They look almost like birds!”

 

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The Birds And The Bees And The Fish

| Right | May 15, 2015

(An adult calls our aquarium with a question.)

Caller: “Do red devils have babies?”

(Red devils are a type of cichlid.)

Me: *thinking this is a prank* “Yes, they do.”

Caller: “How does that happen?”

Me: “Well, when a boy fish and a girl fish love each other very much…”

Caller: “No, no, I get that, but I had a male and it was fine, but when I put a female in the tank with it, after a while there were all these tiny red fish in there.”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: *sounding confused* “So are they…?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: *frustrated* “But how does that happen?!”

Me: “What exactly are you asking me?”

Caller: “I’m asking you if my fish can have babies!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, they can.”

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