Happy Feet Will Make You Walk On Water

| Newport, KY, USA | Related | October 28, 2015

(My parents and I are visiting the local aquarium. At the penguin exhibit, the ledge on which the penguins can enter the water is at the perfect height where it indeed looks like the birds are walking on water. Just as we’re getting a good look at the exhibit, a group of Catholic school children with a couple of nuns join us in the viewing space.)

Dad: *loudly* “Look, [My Name], God’s a penguin! I thought the second coming would be more glorious than this!”

(The kids all but knocked each other over clamoring for a spot closer to the glass. The nuns gave us dirty looks, and my embarrassed mother ushered us to the next exhibit, while Dad and I cracked up. I can only imagine the questions those nuns got!)

A Fish In Troubled Waters

| CT, USA | Right | July 14, 2015

(I am an unpaid volunteer at a local aquarium. On this particular day we have a chocolate company visiting and vendors are set up throughout the building selling their food. I am working at an information desk at this time.)

Guest: “Hey, do happen to have an ATM in here?”

Me: “I apologize sir, but the closest ATM is outside in the parking garage.”

Guest: *suddenly yelling* “You mean to tell me I have to go all the way outside, come in, and pay AGAIN?!”

Me: “I assure you, you won’t have to pay again if you have your ticket. If not, you can ask for me to come verify you’ve been in. However, you will have to go back outside. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Guest: “YOU KNOW WHAT?! I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR S***, YOU INSOLENT LITTLE F***!”

Me: “Sir, please stop swearing; there are young children around. Again, I apologize for any inconvenience this has brought upon you, but we do not have a general need for an ATM except for this one day.”

(The guest goes into a rant about how I am ignorant and it is my fault the aquarium is losing money. I am losing my patience with this man and start zoning out. When he pauses to breathe, I take my chance to interject.)

Me: “I am terribly sorry, sir, but we do not have a use for ATMs as the fish do not require us to pay them on a regular basis.”

(The manager, who witnessed the whole thing, started laughing as she had security escort the man out.)

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Bird Brained, Part 10

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | June 30, 2015

(I’m standing looking at the penguin exhibit when I overhear this from the woman beside me.)

Woman: “Look how beautiful they are! They look almost like birds!”

Related:
Bird Brained, Part 9
Bird Brained, Part 8
Bird Brained, Part 7

The Birds And The Bees And The Fish

| OH, USA | Right | May 15, 2015

(An adult calls our aquarium with a question.)

Caller: “Do red devils have babies?”

(Red devils are a type of cichlid.)

Me: *thinking this is a prank* “Yes, they do.”

Caller: “How does that happen?”

Me: “Well, when a boy fish and a girl fish love each other very much…”

Caller: “No, no, I get that, but I had a male and it was fine, but when I put a female in the tank with it, after a while there were all these tiny red fish in there.”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: *sounding confused* “So are they…?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: *frustrated* “But how does that happen?!”

Me: “What exactly are you asking me?”

Caller: “I’m asking you if my fish can have babies!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, they can.”

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A Vast Ocean Of Ignorance

| Newport, KY, USA | Right | May 22, 2014

(I’m an aquarium employee. As I’m standing in the coral reef tunnel, a few high school age kids walk up near me, looking up at the fish.)

Me: “Good afternoon, guys! Enjoying the aquarium?”

Teen #1: “Yeah…” *to his friends, pointing at the tank* “Hey, check out the puffer fish!”

Teen #2: “Oh, cool!” *to me* “Does it ever puff up?”

Me: “It’s pretty used to people, and there are no predators in there, so it wouldn’t puff itself up unless maybe a diver were to startle or threaten it in the tank.”

Teen #1: “Can you startle it and make it puff up for us?”

Me: *wondering how or why I would even do that* “No…”

Teen #2: *suddenly forgetting the puffer and pointing instead at the cownose stingrays in the tank* “Hey! Isn’t that what killed Davy Crockett?”

Teen #1, Teen #3, & Me: “What?!”

Teen #2: “Isn’t that what killed Davy Crockett?”

Me: “Uh… no. I’m pretty certain he died at the Alamo in the 19th century…” *thinks for a bit* “Did you mean Steve Irwin?”

Teen #2: “Yeah! Same thing.”

Me: “Not really…”

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