Like Asking For Chicken At A Sushi Place

, , , , | Right | June 19, 2020

A woman enters our aquarium with her family.

Woman: “Excuse me, do you have any parrots here?”

Me: “Sure, right over here.”

I lead her to a large display of parrot fish.

Woman: *Condescendingly* “Parrots are birds, honey.”

Me: *Trying to sound neutral* “Oh, sorry, we only have fish at this aquarium.”

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He’s A Veteran Complainer

, , , , , | Right | June 11, 2020

A couple of friends and I go to the Oceanarium and we are in line to purchase our tickets. Ahead of us in the queue is an American family with their son. 

Customer: “Three tickets.”

Employee: “All right. Is your son over twelve years old?”

Customer: “No. And I am a veteran.”

Employee: “Okay, so one child and two adult tickets; that will be [price].”

Customer: “That’s too expensive. Did you apply a discount for me being a veteran?”

Employee: “There is no such discount. Children, senior, and family discounts are all we have, and a family discount requires you to have two children under the age of twelve.”

Customer: “That’s completely unacceptable. I have served in the Marines and I deserve a discount.”

Employee: “As I already told you, there is no discount for that. You might have served in the military, but that was not in Portugal, so it makes no sense for you to get a discount here. And even if you had served in Portugal, we have no discounts for people in the military.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

The employee calls the manager.

Employee: “He is unavailable at this time; he’ll need at least thirty minutes before he can come here.”

Customer: “Is that the service you give customers in Europe? I demand to speak to a manager immediately.”

Employee: “As I have told you, he’s unavailable for the next thirty minutes. Right now, you have three options: you pay [price]; you step aside and I can give you our complaints book so you can make a written complaint; or you leave the queue.”

Customer: “I think I will just wait here for the manager.”

Employee: “That is not a possibility, I’m afraid. You are holding up other customers, and that is not okay. You’ll have to choose, now, one of the three options I have just presented to you; otherwise, I will call security and they will choose for you.”

Customer: “Fine! Back in the States, we can see better fish, anyway!”

And at that, he and his family turned around and left, but not before throwing all the Oceanarium maps and pamphlets on the ground.

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I Left My Pants In San Francisco

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2020

(I take photos at an aquarium, and during the downtime I reset some of the displays so guests won’t have to reset them themselves. One time, I see a middle-aged to elderly gentleman wearing only a shirt and a diaper. He comes up to me and asks a few questions.)

Guest: “Where is the rest of the aquarium?”

Me: *trying to keep my face calm and not shocked at what’s going on* “The rest of the aquarium is downstairs through the elevator.”

Guest: “Thank you.”

Me: *thinking; only in this area you get the most interesting situations* “Have a great day.”

(After he went down the elevator, I walked up to a few coworkers. Sadly, I don’t remember what words were said. We talked about how he was able to get into the aquarium and why, oh why was he only wearing a shirt and a diaper? Five minutes later, we heard on the radio that the guest was being escorted out with a refund, and we found out that he was doing a social experiment. The ticket booth had warned the front desk not to let him in, and the person running the front desk ignored the warning.)

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The Stinging Realization Of What You Just Did

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2020

(I’m outing myself as the stupid customer here. A new aquarium opens a few towns over from where I live, and being a nature enthusiast, I decide to give it a visit. Midway through, I come upon a touch tank with horseshoe crabs and sea urchins inside it. I bend down to touch them, but I hesitate and turn to the attendant.)

Me: “These urchins won’t sting, will they?”

Attendant: “No, they’re pencil urchins. They’re perfectly safe, but they can grab your finger if you stick it between their spines.”

(I did that and felt the urchin trying to hold on. Satisfied, I headed off to the next exhibit. Five minutes later, I realized that I had actually asked if the TOUCH TANK contained stinging urchins. I had to sit on a bench for a few minutes, contemplating what I had become.)

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Gothberries Taste The Sweetest

, , , , | Friendly | August 26, 2019

(I go to the aquarium with my family when I am a teenager during my goth phase. While I do enjoy the animals, I sport a black studded trench coat and steel-toed boots. We go to my least favorite exhibit — the aviary. I stand in the shade while watching my family and everyone trying to lure the birds to their fingers and hands with nectar. The birds just lean over and lick the nectar while staying away from contact. I am listening to the keeper a few feet away from me talking about the birds. She looks at me.) 

Keeper: “Would you like to try feeding the birds? See if they come to you?”

Me: *shrugs* “I guess so.”

(The birds haven’t been on anyone, anyway, so I don’t think I’ll have better luck nor do I want it; I don’t particularly like birds. But the lady just seems so nice I have to try for her. She gives me the nectar and points out a bird to try to feed. Immediately, it lands on me. Then another. Then another! And they keep coming!)

Keeper: “Oh, they like you!”

(On the other side of the aviary…) 

Mom: “[My Name], come on; we’re ready to go! Your sisters want to see the penguins!”

Me: *screaming in my trench coat and boots while I run away from a flock of candy-colored birds*

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