Although this is a slightly long story for a fairly small event, I’m sharing it because I have never been quite so proud of myself. And I’m hoping my story may help someone else, too.

I am a woman. Now, I know every fellow woman has experienced this: the strange (or little-known) man approaches out of nowhere, a subtle smirk on his face. Still grinning, he delivers the desperately needed advice you so clearly require — divine wisdom about to be imparted to you by the gods, something that may quite possibly be the catalyst for a new, brighter future ahead.

“You should smile more!”

And yet, I can never help but shudder. I have never spoken to a woman who actually enjoyed hearing this all-too-common sage advice. But? It turns out there IS something you can do about it.

I went to a charity spaghetti dinner to support my husband, who is a member of the group that was hosting it. While standing in line to acquire some delicious starchy goodness, I felt a light tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw an acquaintance I’d just been briefly introduced to. Unfortunately, I didn’t recognize the smirk at first.

Acquaintance: *In a demanding tone* “You need to smile more!”

Me: “…”

Acquaintance: *Somehow more demanding* “You need to smile more!”

Me: *Pauses* “No.”

Then, I accidentally broke my stone-faced expression and smiled slightly.

Acquaintance: “Good job! Do that more often, now!”

And he sprinted off into the ether.

My shoulders slumped a bit, I’ll admit. I felt defeated. I’d lost, I’d done it again, I’d let the other person take the power.

Then, I went outside for a smoke and to gather my thoughts. I’d seen [Acquaintance] walk outside ahead of me earlier. He was out of sight now, but suddenly, I realized that I knew what I had to do. No more just giving up, and there wasn’t even a Human Resources to make a futile report to. It was all me here.

I needed to wait for my moment first. So, I waited. And waited. And eventually, I gave up for the moment and went inside to my spaghetti. Noodles are more important, honestly.

However, while I was at the table, I saw [Acquaintance] walk past. This was it. Sweet and smooth as honeyed syrup, I made my move.

Me: *Gesturing outside* “Hi, [Acquaintance]! Could I please talk with you for a moment?”

Acquaintance: “What?”

I repeated myself three times with different phrasing as others tried to help.

Acquaintance: “Oh. Uh, sure?”

Me: “Great, thanks!”

We walked out of the dining hall into an empty hallway. Poor [Acquaintance] looked at me, confused at my request, and clearly mad that I’d made it in front of others. (I tried not to, I swear!)

Acquaintance: “So, what’s up?”

Me: “You know how you told me to smile more earlier? It actually made me feel very uncomfortable, and I’m asking you to please not do that again.”

He visibly grimaced at first, but then…

Acquaintance: “Sure, I apologize! I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable, though. I thought you just seemed unhappy, and—”

Me: “I really appreciate that! Thank you. The reason I said that is it’s something that happens to a lot of women, including me, that is uncomfortable for us. That’s because even when you’re not intending it, it can come across as demanding. Also, it can make us feel like you’re trying to control our emotions. So, what I recommend is that if you see a woman who seems really unhappy who you want to cheer up, try telling her a funny joke!”

He frowned but spoke with a friendly tone.

Acquaintance: “I understand. Thank you for telling me. I apologize again.”

Me: “Thank you. I really appreciate it!”

He walked off as quickly as possible.

This is my true proof that the best method is the kill them with kindness. While his body language made it clear he was mad, I was also being so very polite. So understanding. No blame was placed on him, yet a firm and direct request was made. I even gave him an alternative option. And guess what? He actually apologized.

Now, did [Acquaintance] seem at all happy about the exchange? No. Did he occasionally glower at and avoid me the entire rest of the night? Yes.

But do you know what that also means? He never once told me to smile again. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll be too nervous to do it to the next woman. Maybe, he’ll even actually take my advice to heart. I can only hope.

An old acquaintance scammed me out of $250 in 2016. I had no idea he was a drug addict, or I would have been a lot more wary. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. I also know I wasn’t the only person he got money out of, and I’m glad it was only that much.

I thought I’d never see that money again. I gave up bothering him years ago, figuring it was pointless. I kept him as a friend on Facebook and saw periodically that he would post how long he’d been clean for, and it’s been a few years now.

Just recently, he messaged me out of the blue to tell me that he was ready to give me back what he stole all those years ago! I know he’s not making bank by any means, and it’s hard going these days, so it really meant a lot that he wanted to make it right. I know he’s not the same person he was back then, and though we’re not friends, I’m still proud of him.

If there’s anyone in your life that’s struggling with addiction, I hope they can turn it around, too.

My friends and I go out for a wing night once a week. This week, we have a new waitress. We wait about fifteen minutes before she comes over to greet us. 

Waitress: “Hi there! Just so you know, parties of six or more have an automatic 20% gratuity, and I can’t split the check. Okay? So, can I get everyone a round of margaritas?”

There are six of us in the group tonight, but there are usually more. This is either a new rule or she’s lying; we have been coming here every week for months and haven’t heard of this rule before.

Me: “I’ll have a [beer].”

Waitress: “Okay, one margarita and one [beer]. And for you?”

Me: “No, sorry. I don’t want a margarita, just the beer.”

Waitress: “Oh. Okay.”

Everyone else orders, and every time, [Waitress] tries to upsell with a mixed drink or liquor or suggests we get large meals instead of the wing deals. She starts getting annoyed by the end.

When our food comes out, it is all wrong — flavors, quantity, boneless/bone-in — and [Waitress] argues with us about what we ordered. We flag down the manager. 

Manager: “Hi, ladies! Welcome back. What’s going on?”

I tell him what the waitress said about the check, how she tried to push more alcohol on us, and how all of our food was wrong.

Manager: “I do apologize. I will speak to her. Do you want to split the check?”

Me: “We can pay as one. It’s just not something we’ve heard before here.”

Manager: “I apologize. I will handle this myself.”

The manager leaves and personally brings us the right food and our group check. He discounts everything so that our $250 check comes down to just under $175.

We pay with four $50 bills. The waitress snatches the cash from us and leaves. We wait for about ten minutes, but she doesn’t come back. Again, we get the manager.

Me: “I’m sorry, [Manager], but the waitress took our $200 and hasn’t been back with the change.”

Manager: “Oh. I’ll go find her.”

He wanders off and brings her to us. 

Waitress: “You want your tip back?”

Me: “We want our change.”

Waitress: “Fine.”

She pulls out a $5 bill and puts it on the table.

Friend #1: “All of it. We gave you $200.”

Waitress: “No, you didn’t.”

Friend #2: “Check the cameras.”

[Waitress] suddenly remembered the other $20 and change she had in another pocket, separate from her other tips. We took all the money and left zero tip. The manager apologized personally, asked us to please keep coming back, and said he would talk to her.

We go back since the food was good, and [Waitress] was no longer employed there.

One particular year, Christmas, Boxing Day, and the public holidays fell in a way that gave us a five-day weekend. Unfortunately for me, I worked retail, so I had no days off.

One customer entered the store and I greeted him.

Customer: “We have too many public holidays. I don’t know what to do with myself with all these days off in a row! I’m so over it.”

Me: “It must be nice to have time off over Christmas.”

That stopped him in his tracks, and I could see the cogs turning before he realised what he’d said. He actually apologised!

I work at a really popular cake shop that always has a lot of customers. This is because we offer customisation, meaning that our customers can choose both the flavour and the design of the cake. Our shop is especially busy during the holiday season since so many people seem to like customised Christmas cakes.

The week before Christmas, a woman and her daughter walk in.

Woman: “Hi. Can I ask, do you really offer cake customisation services?”

Me: “Yes, we do, ma’am.”

Woman: “Wonderful! Can I order a chocolate cake with a cartoon Santa on it and ‘Merry Christmas’ written in bold underneath?”

Me: “Of course, ma’am.” *Writes it down* “Can I have your full name and phone number?”

Woman: “Sure!” *Gives the information* “I’ll pick it up tomorrow afternoon, so take your time.”

After she leaves, I give her order to the bakers and honestly forget all about it.

The next day, the cakes are delivered to the shop. However, when the lady and her daughter come back, I am told there is no cake that matches the description of the one the lady ordered.

I call the bakers and ask them about it, and they say they forgot to bake that one cake, so I go back to the customer.

Me: “Hi, I’m so sorry about this, but our bakers have been… delayed. Would you mind coming back in the evening? I promise we will have your cake by then.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s really oka—”

Daughter: “What do you mean, ‘delayed’?”

Me: “Umm…”

Daughter: “You forgot, didn’t you?”

Woman: “[Daughter], that’s enough.” *To me* “I’m sorry, she jus—”

Daughter: “No, Mum! See what happens when you tell people to take their time? You’re way too soft and trusting for your own good.” *To me* “I don’t know or care what kind of stunt you’re pulling; just give us the cake.”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but we really don’t—”

Daughter: “NOW, OR I’M CALLING THE COPS!”

Woman: “[Daughter], enough! Wait for me outside the glass door, and don’t you dare budge an inch!”

Thankfully, the girl listens to her mother and stomps outside. Unfortunately, she kicks and pounds the door while screaming words more colourful than the rainbow.

Woman: “I’m so sorry about all this. It’s just a phase she’s going through. I’ll come back this evening, and don’t worry; she’s not coming with me.” *Leaves*

Luckily, the cake was delivered in time for the lady to pick it up that evening.

I don’t know what happened to the woman and her daughter, but I hope the girl managed to get over her anger management issues.