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Rent In Peace

| Working | June 20, 2012

(My grandmother has just passed away. We are cleaning out her apartment, which is in a complex for senior citizens. This takes place at the dumpster outside the apartment as I am throwing her hoarded belongings away. A custodian approaches us.)

Custodian: “Do you have a grandparent living here?”

Me: “Well, my grandmother lived here, but she passed away yesterday, so we’re cleaning out her apartment. ”

Custodian: “I’m sorry, but you can only use this dumpster if you or a family member live here.”

Me: “Well, she did live here, but she just passed away.”

Custodian: “So, you don’t have a grandparent living here right now?”

Me: “Well, no, I don’t.”

Custodian: “So, you can’t use this dumpster.”

(At this point, my dad comes by to find out why it’s taking me so long to throw out a bucket of garbage.)

Dad: “What’s taking so long?”

Custodian: “Do you have a family member living here?”

Dad: “My mom has an apartment here.”

Custodian: “So, she does still own the apartment?”

Dad: “The apartment is still in her name, yes.”

Custodian: *to me* “Why didn’t you tell me your dead grandmother still owns her apartment?!”

Second Thoughts About Second Sight

, , , , , , | Right | November 5, 2010

Customer: “My garbage disposal is clogged up.”

Me: “What is stuck in your garbage disposal?”

Customer: “A crystal ball.”

Me: “A what?”

Customer: “My crystal ball rolled off the counter and fell in my garbage disposal.”

Me: “You didn’t see that coming?”


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Emergency Disservice

, , , , | Right | October 25, 2010

(I am a Community Assistant. When a resident has a problem with their apartment they have to call the CA Duty phone. However, today is labor day and it’s my day off.)

Resident: “I have an emergency at my apartment!”

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Resident: “There was a bee’s nest in my roof, but now the bees have come through a crack in the ceiling! My apartment is full of bees!”

Me: “Sir, I would recommend that you call some sort of animal services, but I can’t help you.”

Resident: “Well, why not? Doesn’t the apartment have some sort of procedure for this type of situation?”

Me: “Well, it’s Labor Day and my day off. Plus, you’re supposed to call me for maintenance issues, not insects.”

Resident: “You can’t take the day off! What if there was a medical emergency on a holiday!”

Me: “Then I hope you would call 911.”

Resident: “Don’t they have the day off, too?”


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Land Of The Free, Home Of The Naive

, , , , | Right | August 14, 2009

(I get a call from a new renter with whom I had signed a lease contract with the previous night.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Apartments]! How may I help you?”

Renter: “My name is [Renter] and I just signed the lease last night. I want to cancel it.”

Me: “Cancel? I’m sorry, but the lease is a binding contract between yourself and the management company, as we discussed.”

Renter: “What?! I don’t want it! Just cancel it!”

Me: “Well, there are some options. We can try to rent the apartment to another tenant to end your lease early, or, if you happen to qualify for a job or military transfer–”

Renter: “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I can’t believe that in the United States of America, I can sign a legal document, and not get out of it!” *hangs up*