The Age Of Adorable

, , , , | Romantic | December 28, 2017

(I am a female teacher. One of my male students has a six-year-old sister who adores him to the point where she won’t allow him past the school gates without a kiss. She’s universally accepted as “too cute.” One day I’m going to my car to get home after a long day and I run into my student, as well as his mother and sister. I wave at him, and then hear:)

Sister: *loudly* “Who is that?”

Student: *also loudly because he wants me to hear* “That’s the prettiest teacher in school, who is going to give me good grades tonight!” *we had a test that day*

(I laugh it off and get in my car, thinking it was a pretty okay joke. The next day, about 15 minutes into class, this student’s phone rings.)

Student: “Oh, d***. I swear this thing was off. Wait, Mom?”

(He takes the call out of worry.)

Student: “Yes, Mom… SHE WHAT?!”

(He jumps up and runs for the door.)

Student: “Sorry, my sister disappeared. She can’t have gone far; I’m going to look for her.”

(The daycare is a one-minute walk away from my classroom, so I rally my class to help out. However, as we take a collective sprint to the gates, we find his sister standing in the schoolyard, looking lost. Upon seeing us she runs past her brother straight to me, looking as adorably angry as only a six-year-old can. She angrily pokes me in the thigh and looks up at me, declaring:)

Sister: “[Brother] is going to marry me, not you!”

(Turns out she was a little jealous.)

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Sadly That’s A Real-World Foreign Policy

, , , , , , | Learning | November 22, 2017

(I have a friend who does not have any talent for languages, but has a well-known love for those video games where you manage an empire and either plot world-domination or achieve victory by diplomacy or other means. We are in French class, and my friend has been asked to answer a question in French.)

Friend: *in plain Dutch* “I can’t; I don’t know how to.”

Teacher: “You need to learn languages. Do your best! Imagine you’re playing your empire control game. What if a region under your control only has French citizens? How would you rule them?”

Friend: “I don’t; I execute them all.”

Teacher: “Not the point I was making, but I suppose it would work.”

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Your Sarcasm Has Got Legs

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | November 10, 2017

(My sister is 15 and has been in a wheelchair for her entire life; her legs won’t move, no matter what. She often gets comments, or asked why she’s in a wheelchair. Fifteen years of that have infused her with pure sass, an unhealthy dose of sarcasm, and a “f***-it-all” attitude. This time we’re shopping for clothes when an old lady marches up to her.)

Lady: “Why are you in a wheelchair? You don’t need that; you’re young and have good legs.”

(My sister then drops herself out of her wheelchair with and begins dragging herself around the shop.)

Sister: “Well, guess you were not so right, after all!”

(Luckily, this time I didn’t have to explain anything to the cashier; she couldn’t breathe due to laughing, anyway.)

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Mom Opened The Door With That Statement

, , , , , | Related | October 27, 2017

(I am six years old. My mom takes me clothes shopping and I hate it. After what she claims is an hour of me refusing any and all clothes she or the staff show me:)

Mom: “Okay, fine. Why don’t you go find something you like?”

(Apparently, I ran straight for the door!)

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