Actually Haggling With You About Haggling

, , , | Right | February 15, 2019

(I see a book in an antique shop in upstate Virginia, and express an interest.)

Assistant: “How about $4?”

Me: “Fine.”

Assistant: *in amazement* “You don’t want to haggle?”

Me: “H*** no. The book is worth more to me than $4, so why should I haggle?”

Assistant: “Everybody haggles to try to beat us down on everything!”

Me: “Why haggle when you have a bargain at $4, anyway?”

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The Back Room Is Also Back In Time

, , , , , | Right | May 17, 2018

(I work in antique shop. A customer approaches and gestures to an Art Deco lamp.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but does this come in any other color?”

Me: “Do you mean when it was originally manufactured?”

Customer: “I mean in stock.”

Me: “That’s a rare manufacturer; it’s actually the first I’ve ever seen one.”

Customer: “So, you don’t have one in blue?”

Me: “Would you like me to research if it was ever created in blue?”

Customer: “No, I want you to go in the back and get me a blue lamp!”

Me: “Sir… that lamp was made almost a hundred years ago, and the manufacturer has been out of business since World War Two. These are antiques.”

Customer: “So what? I don’t get customer service?”

Me: “Not the way you seem to think, no.”

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