My Wife, My Love, My Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free Card

, , , , , , , | Romantic | November 25, 2017

(It’s our 25th wedding anniversary.)

Me: “You seem not so happy. Why? What’s on your mind, baby?”

Husband: “I just remembered this day 25 years ago. Your father told me to marry you or he would see to it that I went to jail for 25 years.”

Me: “Don’t mind him; he loves you and his grandchildren.”

Husband: “But I could have been out of jail today!”

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Deadly Pillow Talk

, , , , , , , | Romantic | November 4, 2017

(It’s our wedding anniversary and my husband’s cousin is congratulating us.)

Cousin: *to me* “I don’t know how you’ve put up with him so long. What’s the trick?”

Me: “He keeps struggling out from under the pillow.”

Husband: *nods*

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Your Anniversary Is Wed-Locked

, , , , , , | Related | October 25, 2017

(I am having a conversation with my 92-year-old mother for my parents’ anniversary:)

Me: “Happy anniversary. Sorry I couldn’t reach you yesterday.”

Mom: “I don’t know where we were, but can you believe we’ve been married 73 years?”

Me: “74 years.”

Mom: “No, 73 years.”

Me: “[Sister] will be 73 in three weeks. Did you have her three weeks after you got married?”

Mom:No! We didn’t do it like that back then. Guess I’ve been married 74 years.”

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You Should Be Anniver-Sorry

, , , , | Romantic | May 30, 2017

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and we are coming up on our first anniversary. We don’t know the real “official” date of our anniversary, so we decided a while ago for it to be July 13th. We also have just moved in together and are starting a new job, where we both got hired.

I don’t want to go crazy because I know we are stressed and busy, so I buy him a little present and a card, and slip it into his work-bag for him to find later. Fast forward a few hours, and he has found the card and present, and thanked me. I patiently wait.

And then, nothing. No special dinner. No card. Nada. I am bummed. I don’t say anything because I just don’t know what to say. About a month or so goes by and things are rough between us. I finally crack and yell at him about him totally ignoring our anniversary.

His excuse? He thought it was a different day. In July. BOTH dates have already passed by now. So not only did he awkwardly accept my gift on the “wrong” date, but he then didn’t even bother to do anything on the date he thought was correct!

I’m still annoyed, but we’re coming up on year two, so he better not forget this time and hopefully goes over the top to cover both anniversaries!

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