He Is Not A-Mew-sed

| USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(We have only been open for 20 minutes, when I get a call to the front to show a cat to a customer.)

Customer: “Hello, can I hold this kitty?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I take out the cat from her cage; she’s a really friendly grey tabby.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you so much! I can talk to cats, you know! He was meowing at me; he said that I should take him home.”

(The customer looks the cat directly in her eyes.)

Customer: “Meow!”

Me: “Haha, that’s cool. Actually, that cat is female. She’s got all her shots and stuff, so if you want her, you just need to go fill out her paperwork.”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?”

(The customer then growls at me like an animal.)

Customer: “HE. IS. A. MAN. CAT!

(He puts her back into her cage, and goes off to fill out paperwork on her.)

Coworker: “It’s gonna be a looooong day.”

The Hard-Ball Explanation

| Lexington, KY, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

(I am a volunteer at an equine rescue center. I am giving a barn tour to a customer’s wife while the manager shows him a horse outside. This morning, we received a stallion and he’s been kept inside until the vet can neuter or ‘geld’ him.)

Me: “And this is [horse name]. He just came in this morning.”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, he’s pretty! Why isn’t he out with the others?”

Me: “Oh, he’s still a stallion.”

Customer’s Wife: *blank stare*

Me: “He hasn’t been gelded yet.”

Customer’s Wife: “I’m sorry dear, I don’t understand horse language.”

Me: “Neutered?”

Customer’s Wife: *blank stare*

Me: “He is going to get his boy parts chopped off, ma’am.”

Customer’s Wife: *blushes* “I should go see how my husband is doing…”

Thankfully, This Tail’s Ending Is Not Melan-Collie

| Pembrokeshire, Wales, UK | Pets & Animals

(I’m a volunteer at a small animal rescue that takes in dogs and cats to be re-homed. A woman brings in a border collie that’s a bit excitable, but otherwise okay. I’m busy walking another dog so I don’t get a chance to meet the woman. I go back to the office and overhear the owner of the rescue and another volunteer talking about the woman.)

Owner: “She’s moving to Australia, and she wanted us to take the dog.”

Volunteer: “I suppose that’s fair enough.”

Owner: “Except she’s taking her other two dogs.”

Volunteer: “Okay…”

Owner: “And she wanted to have the border collie put down.”

Volunteer: “But there’s nothing wrong with the dog! That’s awful!”

Owner: “I know. I told her that we only put a dog down if it’s incredibly vicious. She then agreed to give the dog to the rescue, but she wanted us to put the dog down if it wasn’t re-homed in a few weeks!”

Volunteer: “You’re not going to do that, are you?”

Owner: “Of course not!”

(Thankfully the border collie is still alive and waiting for a nice, caring new home!)