The Hard-Ball Explanation

| Lexington, KY, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

(I am a volunteer at an equine rescue center. I am giving a barn tour to a customer’s wife while the manager shows him a horse outside. This morning, we received a stallion and he’s been kept inside until the vet can neuter or ‘geld’ him.)

Me: “And this is [horse name]. He just came in this morning.”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, he’s pretty! Why isn’t he out with the others?”

Me: “Oh, he’s still a stallion.”

Customer’s Wife: *blank stare*

Me: “He hasn’t been gelded yet.”

Customer’s Wife: “I’m sorry dear, I don’t understand horse language.”

Me: “Neutered?”

Customer’s Wife: *blank stare*

Me: “He is going to get his boy parts chopped off, ma’am.”

Customer’s Wife: *blushes* “I should go see how my husband is doing…”

Thankfully, This Tail’s Ending Is Not Melan-Collie

| Pembrokeshire, Wales, UK | Pets & Animals

(I’m a volunteer at a small animal rescue that takes in dogs and cats to be re-homed. A woman brings in a border collie that’s a bit excitable, but otherwise okay. I’m busy walking another dog so I don’t get a chance to meet the woman. I go back to the office and overhear the owner of the rescue and another volunteer talking about the woman.)

Owner: “She’s moving to Australia, and she wanted us to take the dog.”

Volunteer: “I suppose that’s fair enough.”

Owner: “Except she’s taking her other two dogs.”

Volunteer: “Okay…”

Owner: “And she wanted to have the border collie put down.”

Volunteer: “But there’s nothing wrong with the dog! That’s awful!”

Owner: “I know. I told her that we only put a dog down if it’s incredibly vicious. She then agreed to give the dog to the rescue, but she wanted us to put the dog down if it wasn’t re-homed in a few weeks!”

Volunteer: “You’re not going to do that, are you?”

Owner: “Of course not!”

(Thankfully the border collie is still alive and waiting for a nice, caring new home!)

This Problem Can’t Get Licked

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(We are doing an adoption event at a retailer in conjunction with four other animal rescue/shelter groups. Each group is in a large tent with dogs that are up for adoption in crates. A lady approaches, she has two kids; a boy about 6 and a girl about 9.)

Woman: “Oh, she is so cute!” *motioning towards a two-year-old Shepherd mix*

Me: “Yes, she is a great dog, and she is great with kids. Would you like me to take her out so you can see how she acts around your children?”

Woman: “Yes, that would be great!”

(I take the dog out of her crate, and have her on a leash. The kids are both petting her and the dog is behaving very well.)

Woman: “Oh… that dog doesn’t lick, does she?”

Me: “Of course she does. All dogs lick.”

Woman: “Oh, you will have to put her back, then. My daughter is allergic to dog saliva. We need a dog that doesn’t lick.”

Me: “Ma’am, all dogs lick. They use their tongue to eat, drink water, clean themselves, and show affection. Maybe a dog is not what you should be looking for.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s bull. I know you have some dogs here that don’t lick. If you don’t, then one of these other groups will.”

Me: “You are welcome to ask around.”

(The woman spent the next 30 minutes going to each tent trying to find a dog that doesn’t use it’s tongue. She ended up going inside and adopting a cat.)

Keep Your Paws Off Our Pups

| Scotland, UK | Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals

(I’m a volunteer at an animal shelter. People can pay a small donation to come and see our animals. One day I’m returning a dog to its kennel when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “Um, I’m just volunteer here, sir. If you speak to somebody in reception—”

Customer: “Rubbish! You’re just making excuses! I paid my donation to see your dogs and I can only get into one block. The other three are closed! I know you have more dogs!”

Me: “We close three blocks for the dogs’ welfare, sir. If you’re interested in—”

Customer: “I don’t give a f*** about the dogs’ welfare! I want to see more dogs! You have no customer service at all, do you?!”

(On hearing this, another customer approaches and gives the very rude customer a £5 note.)

Another Customer: “Here’s £5; consider it a refund. Because I can tell you, sir, they would absolutely NOT allow you anywhere near their animals with that attitude!”

Heartlessness Is In the Heart Of The Beholder

| Omaha, NE, USA | Pets & Animals

(A customer walks in with two young dogs.)

Me: “Hello. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, these two dogs belonged to my mother, who recently passed away. Her dying wish was to have them buried with her.”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “I would like them euthanized, so I can have them cremated and put into her casket with her.”

Me: “How old are they? Do they have any health issues?”

Customer: “They are two years old. They are healthy, but you need to put them down, now! I need them to be buried with my mother, so they can join her in heaven!”

Me: “Ma’am, we will not euthanize two perfectly healthy dogs.”

Customer: *while walking out* “Fine! You people are heartless!”

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