Lost And Hound

| USA | Working | March 17, 2016

(I’m going for an interview for an animal shelter. However, I get lost and after trying to call, I get no answer. Frustrated, I call it quits and go home.)

Me: *phone rings* “Hello?”

Lady: “Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Lady: “Where ARE you?! It’s already 30 minutes past your interview! I’ve been waiting!”

Me: “Ah, this is Ms. [Lady] with the animal shelter? Yeah, I got lost and tried to call but… there was no answer. Sorry about that…”

Lady: “You… GOT LOST?! What kind of idiot are you?!”

Me: “There is no need for insults. I’ve already apologized, and–”

Lady: “What good does your apology serve me?!” *dogs in background start barking* “Listen, if you’re too stupid to find us, then maybe I won’t hire you after all! And–”

Me: “Fine with me. That’s the best news I’ve heard. GOODBYE.”

(I hang up, marveling at the nerve of this woman. I haven’t been hired yet and she’s already yelling at me! Poor dogs. I pity whoever gets roped in by her as their boss.)

Are You Fereal?

| Minot, ND, USA | Working | February 29, 2016

(My family and I have gone to the Humane Society to see about adopting a cat we had been looking at on the Pet-Finder site, which purportedly claimed for her to be “loving, affectionate, and loves to be held.” When we get there we find the cat in a back room full of other cats, hiding in a shelf. She takes a swipe at me when I go to hold my hand out so she can smell me first.)

Me: *holding bleeding hand as I return to the front desk* “Excuse me, can you tell me about [Cat]? She’s hiding in a shelf in the back room and just swiped at me.”

Worker: “Oh, that’s just how she is.”

Me: “How she is?”

Worker: “Yeah, she came in as a feral, doesn’t really like to be touched.”

Me: “It said on Pet-Finder that she loves people, and to be held, and is affectionate?”

Worker: “Oh, yeah…” *shrugs*

(Needless to say we left without a cat.)

A Little Bird Told Me That This Customer Is An A**

| USA | Right | October 13, 2015

(I work at an animal shelter that only takes dogs and cats. Despite this, a man walks in with a scarlet macaw in what looks like one of those old-fashioned hanging canary cages that is obviously much too small for it.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “I don’t want this parrot anymore.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this shelter only takes cats and dogs. We don’t have the necessary provisions to care for exotic birds.”

Man: “What do you mean you don’t take birds? You’ve always taken birds here!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m pretty sure we haven’t. Only cats and dogs.”

Man: “What am I supposed to do with this thing then? I bought it for my daughter’s sixth birthday two months ago but she got bored with it already because it doesn’t talk! All it does is scream!”

(Almost as if by command, the parrot starts screaming. I have to start talking loudly to be heard over it.)

Me: “Well, sir, I actually have a list here of other shelters and rescues in the immediate area, and I can give you the address of a bird rescue that’s a few blocks from here, or if you’d prefer, I know of a vet clinic that accepts animals that their owners can no longer care for. I’m pretty sure they accept birds.”

Man: “I don’t have time for this! I have things to do! I’ll just leave it here and you can take the bird there yourself!”

Me: “I can’t do that for you, sir. You’re going to have to take the bird.”

Man: “So are you saying you aren’t going to take the parrot for me?”

Me: “Yes sir, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Man: “This is unbelievable!”

(He storms out with the screaming parrot and makes sure to slam the door on the way out. A coworker who was in the back comes out to check on me.)

Coworker: “Did that man just say he bought a parrot for his daughter’s sixth birthday and now they don’t want it just because it doesn’t talk?”

Me: “Yes, he really did.”

Coworker: “Wow. They really need to make it mandatory to take a test to prove you actually know what you’re doing to weed out the idiots before you can get pets.”

Me: “You should have seen the cage it was in, too. There weren’t any toys and it was really small and something tells me that it wasn’t just a travel cage.”

(Nothing much happened after that until about an hour later when an elderly woman came in.)

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Woman: “Oh, I would just like to adopt another cat, preferably one that’s a little older.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. I’ll gladly help you find the right cat for you.”

Woman: “Also did you know there’s a parrot sitting in a cage outside?”

Me: “There’s what?”

(Sure enough, the man left the parrot sitting outside on the sidewalk, exposed to the cold November air. We brought the bird in and warmed him up and despite having sat out in the cold for an hour, he was perfectly okay. The man had the audacity to come in a week later with his daughter, who acted like a spoiled brat the entire time, and demanded to adopt a puppy, but thankfully when I told my boss who he was, she let us refuse to give them an animal. The story had a happy ending, though. One of my coworkers stopped in to pick up her paycheck and saw us with the parrot and immediately fell in love with him and decided to take him home with her. He got along well with her other parrot and now has a happy home with someone who doesn’t care that he doesn’t talk. She named him Screechy.)

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A Very Purr-sonable Cat

| Dearborn, OH, USA | Right | May 21, 2015

(I work at a shelter that has a big Maine Coon cat that has the run of the place. He never goes outside and likes to sit on the lap of whoever is at the computer working. Even though he’s huge, about 28 pounds, most of it is muscle. He’s a very docile cat and loves people. For the most part, our customers love him.)

Coworker: “[My Name], we got some people pulling in. Can you grab Corky?”

(I grab the Maine Coon and set him on the counter in a crouched position, holding his flank lightly to keep him still. He’s already trilling excitedly at the thought of guests.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [Shelter]. Can we help you?”

(A woman, man, and two kids wander in.)

Woman: “Yes, we’d like to take a look at your kittens.”

Coworker: “Sure. [My Name], can you take them to the cat room?”

Me: “Sure. Here, take Corky.”

(I go to hand her Corky and the woman suddenly screams.)

Woman: “That’s a Lynx! You have a LYNX here!”

(She grabs her kids and yanks them back.)

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, this is Corky, our resident Maine Coon. He’s not a Lynx; he’s just a very large breed of cat.”

Man: “What the h*** kind of place is this?! Those animals are dangerous! Why do you have one running around where children are?!”

Me: “Uh, sir? Maine Coons are extremely friendly. The biggest danger to your kids is he’d just knock them over by accident.”

Woman: “How DARE you threaten my babies! I’m reporting this awful place and have you arrested for harboring that vicious thing!”

(They storm out, leaving us to stare after them in bafflement. We got a visit later from a local police officer.)

Officer: “Hey, I got a call about a ‘vicious rabid animal’ on the loose in this building.”

(I pick Corky up off the counter. Corky is a happy combination of purring and trilling at the sight of him.)

Officer: “Uh huh, that’s what I thought.”

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You Have To Be Howling Mad To Work Here

| OK, USA | Working | August 21, 2014

(I’m working cleaning out cages and feeding the dogs, who are housed in a concrete building. The noise is cacophonous. One dog in particular begins howling.)

Dog: “OOOOOooooooo.”

Me: “OOOOOOOOOOOooooo!”

Dog: “OOOOOooooOOOOO.”

Me: “ooooOOOOOOO?”

Dog: “OOOOO.”

(This proceeds for several minutes until I notice that my supervisor is in the building.)

Supervisor: “Were you… howling at that dog?”

Me: “No! Of course not! That would be weird.”

Supervisor: “Oh, okay… Sure is loud in here today, though.”

(Supervisor walks away, looking back at me suspiciously.)

Dog: “ooooOOOO?”

Me: “OOOooooooooo.”

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