Doesn’t Have The Balls
(I work at a spay/neuter clinic. One of my responsibilities is to explain the procedure to the customers when they drop their pets off in the morning, and give them care instructions when they pick their pets up that afternoon. I am explaining proper care of the surgical site to a young woman who has had her dog neutered. I lift the dog up to show where his stitches are located.)
Customer: “Oh my God! Where are his balls?!”
Me: “We removed them, ma’am. That’s… that’s what neutering is.”
Customer: “Oh, no! I thought you were just going to… I don’t know, tie his tubes or something.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but I explained the procedure to you this morning. When a dog is neutered, we remove the testicles.”
Customer: “Can you put them back?”
Me: “… I’m sorry?”
Customer: “Can you put his testicles back?”
Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid once they’re gone, they’re gone for good.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. Well, where are they?”
Me: “Where are…?”
Customer: “His balls.”
Me: “We… removed them.”
Customer: “Yeah, but can I have them?”
Me: “WHAT?!”
Customer: “Can I, like, have them?”
Me: “NO!”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Ma’am, they’re medical waste. We have to dispose of them properly by law.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Because… of the law.”
Customer: “Okay, whatever.”
(After she’s gone, one of the other techs confirmed what he thought he had overheard from across the room.)
Other Tech: “What on earth do you think she wanted to do with them?”
