(I am talking to a woman on the phone who needs to call back the next day. She is in Texas).
Caller: “What time is it there?”
Me: “Three-thirty.”
Caller: “In the morning?”
Me: “No, in the afternoon.”
Caller: “Oh. Of what day?”
Me: “Saturday. We’re only three hours different from you.”
Caller: “Really?” *pause* “Is it snowing?”
Me: “No, ma’am, it’s August. It’s nice and sunny out.”
Caller: “Oh, wow!”
Customer: “Excuse me, what is this?”
Me: “That’s an ‘oosik.’”
Customer: “What’s it made of?”
Me: “It’s umm… the lower anatomy of a walrus.”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “It’s a part of a male walrus.”
Customer: “What part?”
Me: “It’s a petrified walrus penis.”
(The customer laughs and runs over to his wife. They talk in their language for a bit then he drags her over by the arm, still giggling.)
Customer: “Tell her what it is!”
This story is part of the American States roundup!
Customer: “I came in here yesterday and ordered a chai tea and you guys gave me a mocha. That was not what I ordered!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I apologize if somehow they got messed up.”
Customer: “Well, I want some sort of gift card or compensation. I am allergic to caffeine. It could have killed me!”
Me: “You are allergic to caffeine but you ordered a chai tea? You do realize that chai is a black tea and highly caffeinated, right?”
Customer: “I meant chocolate. I am allergic to chocolate!”
(I look down at two chocolate bars in her hand.)
Me: “Really?”
Customer: “Oh, f*** you!”
This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health!
Read the next story in this roundup here!
Read the roundup itself here!
