Unfiltered Story #108931

, , | Unfiltered | April 13, 2018

So I’m in a convenience store perusing the aisles when a couple middle-aged blonde women walk down the aisle I’m on. I’m pretty sure they were tipsy, and there were talking really loudly in thick southern accents… but I was in a good mood and they were all smiles and giggles, so I couldn’t bring myself to be annoyed. I saw them staring at coffee brands before I walked to the next aisle over, and could hear them on the other side of the aisle trying to sort out what coffee brand they should buy.

Lady #1: *after a couple minutes of loudly discussing it with her friend* “We should call someone over here to help, I can’t decide.”

Me: *snickers to myself as her friend starts bellowing*

Lady #2: “Blondes in aisle 12 need service! Blondes in aisle twelve need service, over!”

Me: *from opposite the rack on the adjacent aisle in my best official mock-intercom voice* “Customer service suggests that the blondes on aisle 12 chose the Folgers, over.”

They burst into laughter asking one another who the heck had said that, meanwhile I walk down the aisle with a grin on my face, and on of the employees tells me that they ought to hire me for costumer service. Made my day, and the women’s day, too.

My Mother, The Lizard Woman

, , , , , , , | Right | November 27, 2017

(I am working the floor at a large pet store. A young man, about 16 years old, comes in and says that he is thinking of buying some lizards and wants to know what he will need. I explain to him that these lizards will need an aquarium, a lid, a heat source, places to hide, a special lamp — especially as there is little sunlight in winter in Alaska — and a few other items. I also talk to him about what kinds of lizards would be good for him, and which ones will be relatively inexpensive. At no point do I try to sell him anything, since I figure he is just getting a feel for what he’ll need. While I am talking to him his mother comes in:)

Mother: “What are you doing?”

Son: “I’m thinking of buying some lizards, and I want to know what I need.”

Mother: “What did this guy tell you?”

Son: “Well, I need an aquarium, a lid, a heater, a special light, and some other things.”

Mother: “Why are you trying to sell my son this stuff that he doesn’t need?”

Me: “He asked me what he needs to keep lizards.”

Mother: “Don’t lie to me. You people are always trying to sell other people things they don’t need. You do not need a heater or a light. There is no way we are buying things from a liar like you.”

(The son looks absolutely mortified at this point.)

Son:Mom! I asked him about this. He was just answering my question.”

Mother: “We are leaving, and if you can’t recognize liars who want to steal your money for things you don’t need, then you can’t go into any more stores.”

(The mother then physically dragged her son away while loudly complaining about liars, and her son just looked back at me with a horribly embarrassed expression on his face.)

Out Of Cigarettes, Out Of Patience, Out Of Luck

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2013

(My uncle works as a manager at a local gas station. I have just stopped by to drop him off a plate of food. I am on a first name basis with nearly all of the employees. I’m just finishing up a conversation with one of the clerks, when two customers walk up.)

Clerk: “Welcome to [Gas Station]; what can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Can I get a pack of [ rand] cigarettes]?”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, but it seems like we have run out of that specific brand. Can I get you something else?”

Customer #1: “You always run out of the f***** cigarettes whenever I’m here!”

Customer #2: “I told you this store was f***** ghetto! Let’s go somewhere else!”

Customer #1: “This is bull-s***! Whenever I come to this f***** store, they always seem to be out of f***** cigarettes! Is it too much to ask that you guys actually keep cigarettes in stock!?”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, but its been a busy weekend, and we have simply just run out. I could probably recommend another one of our gas stations nearby—”

Customer #2: “We don’t need you to recommend s***! Get me your f**** manager right now!”

(My uncle, who was helping out another customer, has heard the entire conversation. He comes to investigate.)

Uncle: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer #1: “I’ll tell you what the problem is! Every time I come to this f***** store, you never have the brand of cigarettes I want! How hard is it to keep s*** stocked? This is why I don’t come to this ghetto-a** store!”

Uncle: “Well, as my employee previously stated, we are all out of that particular brand. We are more than willing to sell you something else, or we can recommend one of our other locations, which is about a 10-minute drive away.”

Customer #2: “We ain’t got no f***** time for this s***! Let’s get the f*** out of here. I hate this d*** store!”

(They promptly storm out of the store. I walk up to the register to purchase my items.)

Me: “Jeez, how hard is to take yourself to another store and buy your particular brand your looking for? I mean if it’s not here, then make things simple and move the h*** on! Don’t be a b**** about it!”

Clerk: “We get it all the time, but we’ve just learned to tune it out.”

Me: “It really isn’t necessary—”

(Customer #1 storms back in the store.)

Customer #1: “Which one of you said that? I heard what you said about me! Calling me a b****! I know it was you bad mouthing me!”

(The customer starts pointing at the clerk.)

Clerk: “I didn’t say anything about y—”

Customer #1: “I heard what you said! Do you think I’m a stupid b****?! Give me your employee number; I’m going to write a letter to your corporate offices about this. I KNOW YOU SAID IT! I AM GONNA GET YOUR A** FIRED!”

(I clear my throat, and tap the customer on the shoulder.)

Me: “Actually, I said it!”

(I’m pretty tall, at 6’2″.)

Customer #1: “What business is it of yours—”

(The customer’s question trails off, and she turns and looks up at my face; her face pales.)

Me: “I’ll tell you: it’s very much my business. You can find me in here almost every day, but it’s ignorant and stupid people like you that p*** me off! First off, it’s not this clerk’s fault that the cigarettes are out of stock. It’s not this store’s fault that they magically don’t have your particular brand of cigarettes every time you happen to come in. Furthermore, don’t you dare try and degrade this store. It treats all of its customers with respect, which is something in which you are OBVIOUSLY lacking. Another thing, if this store doesn’t have your cigarettes, “every time you come in,” then why don’t you just get a d*** clue and move on to the next store? No need for you to be raising all this h*** for nothing. As far as who said what, I made the comments about you being a b****, so if you wanna make something of it, then let’s step outside and I’ll be more than happy to kick your a**!”

(The customer stuttered and hurried out of the store. The clerk high-fived me and my uncle treated me out to a movie and dinner later on that week!)

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