Home Aloned For The Holidays

, , , , , , | Related | November 29, 2019

(My family gathers for Thanksgiving, and when we finish dinner we all load up in cars and do the Black Friday shopping at a certain retailer that likes to start early. We have a game plan and everyone knows what to get. This year it’s me, my brother, sister, best friend, uncle, mom, and nana. We get everything and they tell me to walk around so I don’t see what they get me. My friend is still with them when my nana tells me to ride home with my uncle to make it to work on time. In the confusion of everything, this happens. My phone rings and it’s my friend.)

Friend: “Hey, can you take me home?”

Me: “Isn’t [Sister] going to take you home?”

Friend: “Well, yeah, but the car was full, so she told me to ride with Nana, but Mom and Nana already left.”

Me: *speechless* “They already left? Is [Sister] gone now?”

Friend: ”Yeah, they’re gone now.”

Me: “Dude. This is going down for funniest holiday mishap. I’m at the grocery entrance. I can’t believe they home-aloned you!”

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Unfiltered Story #177142

, , , | Unfiltered | November 11, 2019

While working in a children’s museum I was put in charge of shows in our little planetarium. During the shows I would take patrons (mostly children) into the dome, show them constellations, and tell them stories. The show was quite popular and involved a lot of stories told in a humorous vein.

One day a woman, a well-known politician in Alaska (not Sarah Palin, however!), came in to the show. She was very nice before the show, but as I started telling the stories she would repeat everything I said on about a two-second delay in a loud voice, word for word. I could not say anything without her echoing me.

It totally threw me off stride and disrupted the show, but despite my obvious confusion and the annoyance of the other patrons, she continued to repeat everything for the rest of the show. Other patrons even asked her to stop, but to no avail.

Although I felt the show was ruined and a total waste, other patrons came up afterwards to compliment me on how well I handled the situation and that I never lost my cool. So I guess her disruptive behavior worked to my advantage.

Unfiltered Story #158349

, , , | Unfiltered | July 20, 2019

(This is my second month working at a large coffee chain, and its a rather slow night when we have someone pull into the drive-thru.)

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop] my name is [my name] what can I get for you this evening?”
Customer: “I want a Red Bull.”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t carry that drink. Can i offer you something else?”
Customer: “No. I want a Red Bull. I know you guys sell them, I come through this drive-thru everyday.”
(At this point my manager has walked out of the back room with her own headset on, listening.)
Me: “I’m very sorry sir, but we have never sold Red Bull, we do however have [company drink] which is also an energy drink, and comes in different flavors.”
(At this point I’m not sure what else I can do and my manager takes over the order for me.)
Manager: “Sir, I have worked here for 9 years and we have never sold that drink. I assure you [my name] is not lying to you. I will gladly make you any other drink you would like.”
(After roughly 5 minutes she finally has hi convinced we don’t carry red bull, and he orders a different drink and pulls up to the window.)
Me: “Alright sir, that will be $3.75. (He hands me his card and I run it but it comes up declined.) “I’m very sorry sir, but it says your card has been declined. Do you have another form of payment?”
Customer: “NO! I don’t have another form of payment, and there’s no way my card declined! I used it to buy a red bull here yesterday!”
(I call for my manager and she attempts to calm the man and offers him the drink on the house hoping to get him to leave. The customer takes the drink from her hand and dumps it on the ground between them and drives off.)
Me: “Has he ever been here before?”
Manager: “Never.”

Fake Childlike Behavior

, , , , , | Right | June 25, 2019

(A couple enters the furniture store where I work. They are older folks, and they say they are looking for many things. I give them a very short version of the floor layout and ask them if it is all right for me to check on them sometimes to make sure their questions are answered. They say this is fine. The first time I check on them, the very friendly husband asks me some questions, and I answer them and then dismiss myself to allow them to keep looking in peace. The second time I check on them, the husband finds a very nice oak CD rack and asks me if we have anything more narrow. I tell him I might, and that I’ll check around the store and catch up to them in a few minutes. I dismiss myself after answering another question of his about a table. I find an item that matches the description of the oak CD rack, but I cannot find the husband for the life of me. I see the wife walking by and go to inform her that I’ve found it.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, about that item your husband was looking–”

Woman: “Look, I didn’t come here to chat! I came here to just look!

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

Woman: “Well, you did!’

Me: “Just trying to feed my children, ma’am.”

(With that, I looked down at the floor, turned on my heel, and walked away pitifully. It had the desired effect — I don’t even have kids — and the customer lost all of her zeal, looked down at the floor, and walked straight out of the store in shame. Maybe she’ll think twice from now on before she explodes on another retail salesperson for no reason at all.)

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Tis The Season For Idiots

, , , , , | Right | May 29, 2019

(I work as an expediter at a famous restaurant chain. Guests can request fries to be salt-free if they have an allergy.)

Server: “Hey, I need you guys to make this pound of fries no-salt. She says she has allergies.”

Me: “Can you find out what her allergy is?”

(The server leaves and then returns, smirking.)

Server: “She says the doctor diagnosed her with seasonal allergies. So no seasoning on any of her food.”

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