The Magical Kingdom Isn’t The Free Magical Kingdom

, , , , , | Right | October 4, 2018

Me: “Hi, welcome to Disneyland! How may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi! I’d like to go to California Adventure.”

Me: “Okay. Is it just yourself?”

Guest: “Yes, just me.”

Me: “So, one for California Adventure for one adult will be $119.”

Guest: “Oh… I don’t have any money.”

Me: “What?”

Guest: “I don’t have any money; I just want to go in.”

Me: “Well, you need a ticket to get in.”

Guest: “Oh… the lady at the front said that I need a ticket.”

Me: “Because you do.”

Guest: “Well, how do you suggest I get in?”

Me: “Buy a ticket?”

Guest: “But I have no money.”

Me: “Then how did you expect to get in?”

Guest: “I thought maybe you would just hook it up.”

Me: “Ha! Are you serious?”

Guest: “Yes, I’m serious.”

Me: “Well, buying a ticket is the only way to get in.”

Guest: “Oh… Okay.” *reads name tag*

Me: “Yes?”

Guest: “That’s a beautiful name. I like it.”

Me: “Thanks… Me, too.”

(Awkward silence.)

Guest: “Okay, bye.”

The Moaniest Place On Earth

, , , , , , , | Related | October 3, 2018

(Years ago, my aunt generously invited me, my two cousins — our age group was somewhere around five or six — and all our parents to come spend time with her and then to go to Disneyland. This was a very expensive gift from her, even decades ago. However, when we get there, my cousins decide they don’t want to go to Disneyland; they want to go to Magic Mountain. They start whining about it. I have never been to Magic Mountain OR Disneyland before, so I am curious about both. My cousins begin to whine so much that we are all asked separately:)

Aunt: “[Our Names], would you like to go to Disneyland, or Magic Mountain?”

All Of Us: “Magic Mountain.”

Aunt: “Well, you know, I’ve actually already paid for the tickets to Disneyland.”

(I apparently thought about that, then shrugged:)

Me: “Oh. I didn’t know that. Okay then, let’s go to Disneyland. I’d like to go to Disneyland too.”

Cousins: “I don’t care! Disneyland is for babies! We want to go to Magic Mountain!”

(My cousins whined and complained the entire time we were at Disneyland, about how boring it was, how it was for babies, and how Disneyland stunk. I do remember how even I got thoroughly sick of their complaining, and told my parents that I didn’t want to wait in line with my cousins anymore. I had a great time, and even got a stuffed toy and some activity books from one of the stores. My cousins complained so much, and hated the Disney trip so much that they didn’t get anything. Years later, I learned that while I was invited to visit my aunt and occasionally go to the various theme parks over the years — I’ve been to Disneyland, Universal Studios Hollywood, and Magic Mountain while growing up — my cousins were never invited back. It’s also a family saying to tell my cousins, “You would be bored at Disneyland, so stop complaining!”)

Money Talks

, , , , , , , | Right | December 5, 2017

(My friends and I are at [Amusement Park]. We stop at a shop that sells sweatshirts so my friend can buy one. We have gotten some of the currency that [Amusement Park] produces; we have $20 dollar bills with popular cartoon characters on the backs.)

Friend: *going up to the counter to pay for the sweatshirt* “Do you guys take [Park Currency]?”

Employee #1: “Yes, we do!”

(While the first employee is behind the counter, a second employee comes up next to my friend and takes the money out of my friend’s hand and holds it up for all to see.)

Employee #2: “Look! Real Money!”

Friend: *confused* “Uh…”

Employee #2: *pulls his pant leg tight so we can see the outline of his knee brace* “Don’t worry; I can’t run away with it, anyway. I probably can’t even run to the end of this counter!” *gives back the money*

(My friend and I had a good laugh with him and all employees at that store. They were great! The store was pretty empty, so we stayed and chatted awhile while browsing.)

Their Memory Needs Caffeine

, , , , | Working | October 6, 2017

(My mom and I go to a diner around the corner from our hotel, and get seated right away.)

Waitress: “Hi, folks. What would you like to drink?”

Mom: “Hot tea.”

Me: “Coffee, please.”

(Ten minutes later:)

Waitress: “Here’s your hot tea. And what was your drink?”

Me: “Coffee.”

Waitress: “Okay, let me drop off this other order and I’ll be back with your… Coffee…?”

Me: *mentally facepalms very hard*