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The Sky Will Fall Before I Get Taken Advantage Of!  

, , , | Working | November 25, 2019

(During my family’s trip to the waterpark, the aqua photographers take pictures of us. On our way out, we go to the stall, look at the computer, find our photo, and purchase it.)

Checkout Guy: “Here’s your picture.”

(The picture looks nothing like the computers and barely has any colour.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t usually do this, but the picture doesn’t look like what I ordered.”

Checkout Guy: “Can you not see?! It’s clearly the same photograph.”

(I don’t like confrontation, so my cousin swoops in.)

Cousin: “Excuse me. My cousin paid €15 for this photo, and you can’t see the colour of the sky.”

Checkout Guy: *obviously not local* “Ugh, you’re just as bad as your country. THE PHOTO IS THE F****** SAME!”

Me: “Well, I don’t want a photo with no colour.”

Checkout Guy: “Not my problem.” *turns back and starts talking with another customer*

(We ended up complaining to the front office and later learned that the printer ran out of ink and the cashier guy was supposed to change it, but at least I got my money back.)

When Lemon Fresh Isn’t As Fresh As It Could Be

, , , , | Working | November 25, 2019

(I work in a theme park and we serve fresh-squeezed lemonade in the area where I work. I have just started to clean the lemon squeezer when this happens.)

Coworker: “You don’t need to clean that.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “They’re going to use that tomorrow, anyway.”

Me: “Are you serious?

Coworker: “Yeah…”

Me: “Then you shouldn’t wash your hands; you’re just going to use them later.”

(He didn’t talk for the rest of the day.)

Fire All Of Them Just To Be Sure

, , , , , , | Right | November 25, 2019

(I work in the customer service center of a major theme park. My coworkers and I only deal with problems related to our particular park, and not any other parks or properties owned by our company. I get a call.)

Me: “You’ve reached the [Theme Park] customer service center. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “You need to fire [Extremely Common Male First Name]!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “[First Name]. You need to fire him right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry your experience with us was not what you were expecting. Could you tell me a little more about the problem you’re having?”

Caller: “[First Name] was rude to me! I demand you fire him!”

Me: “I’m afraid I’ll need a little more information before I can help you, ma’am.”

Caller: *raising her voice* “[First Name]! [FIRST NAME]! HE WAS RUDE TO ME! FIRE HIM!”

(I feel like I probably shouldn’t humor her by checking our employee database, but I do anyway.)

Me: “Ma’am, there are 27 employees of our park with that name. I’m not sure which [First Name] has been giving you a problem.”

Caller: “It wasn’t in your park, you idiot! It was in the restaurant!”

Me: “Which restaurant?”


(The street she names is several blocks from the edge of our company’s property.)

Me: “Wait a moment. You’re calling the [Theme Park] service line to complain about an employee of some other business?”

Caller: “[Our Company] owns this whole state! Everyone knows that! Now you need to fire that rude boy!”

Me: “[Our Company] does not own that restaurant, ma’am. I suggest you speak to the manager of the restaurant because there’s nothing I can do for you.”

Caller: “Listen to me, you key-pushing nitwit. Do you have any idea how much I spent on my [Our Company] vacation? [Five-digit amount]! Everyone knows that if you spend [less than what she claims to have spent] then you’re entitled to a superior level of service! [First Name] was rude to me and he must get what he deserves!

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.”

Caller: “Then let me speak to your boss! I’ll have him fire [First Name] and you, too, or else I’ll just take my [amount of money she claims to have spent] to [Rival Theme Park Company], instead!”

Me: “I’ll be happy to transfer you to my supervisor, although he’s currently in a meeting with the head of our division and it might be several minutes before he can take your call.”


Me: “If you continue to threaten our employees, ma’am, I’m going to disconnect this call.”

Caller: “Why are you protecting [First Name], anyway, huh?! Is he your boyfriend or something?!”

Me: “WHAT?”

Caller: “It all makes sense now! Trash boys always date trash girls!”

Me: “The [Company] is grateful for your business and hopes your experience with us was truly magical.” *hangs up*

(That night in our break room, I overhear this conversation between two of my coworkers.)

Coworker #1: “And then I got this angry lady on the line demanding to speak to [First Name]’s girlfriend. She just screamed gibberish at me for like three minutes straight.”

Coworker #2: “Wait a minute, you got her, too? ‘I spent [amount] on my vacation and you need to fire [First Name] and his trash girlfriend’?”

Coworker #1: “That’s her, dude.”

Coworker #2: “Ugh. I hung up on her after like two minutes. She kept saying we were conspiring to protect these ‘trash’ people and threatening to get me fired.”

Me: “I guess the phrase ‘first available representative’ is lost on some people.”

They Must Really Like Tea

, , , , , | Right | November 21, 2019

(I work at an amusement park. It just finished raining heavily. I’m all alone at a teacup ride — one of the few rides open since it is still storming — when a group of teens approaches me.)

Teen: “Hey, are you open?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teen: “Can we ride?”

Me: “No.”

Teen: “Why not?”

Me: “You’re too tall.”

Teen: “We’ll pay you?”

Me: “No.”

Teen: “We’ll buy you a pretzel?”

Me: “No.”

Teen: “She’ll sell you her body?”

Me: “…”

He Also Likes Turtles!

, , , , | Right | November 7, 2019

(When I am a child, my family goes on one of those “lost river” boat rides at an amusement park. The guide selects me to be his assistant.)

Guide: “It’s your job to warn people of danger. If you see trouble, shout into the microphone. Let’s practice. Shout, ‘Alligator!’”

Me: “Alligator!”

(A little way down the river, there’s an animatronic bear.)

Guide: “Uh-oh, looks like trouble. Better warn everyone.” *hands me the microphone*

Me: “Alligator!”