(We have just waited for about 40 minutes in line for a ride when my oldest son has to ‘go potty’ and I could see he can’t wait. Afterward we go to a different ride and the attendant measures my youngest son for the height requirement of 40 inches.)

Employee: “Okay, stand up tall. Now look up… Oh, he barely made it!”

Me: “Good, at the other ride he wouldn’t stand up straight so he didn’t make the height.”

Employee: *now doubting himself* “Well, let me measure him again. They give us these plastic cards to be sure.”

(Sure enough, when he uses the card to flatten my son’s hair, he is just under half an inch too short.)

Me: “Oh, man that stinks! I can’t believe he is so close!”

Employee: “Hmmm, why don’t you folks come over here and talk to me for a minute.”

Me: “Okay…”

Employee: “How are you guys doing today? Having a good time?”

Me: “Oh, it’s great! We’ve been on a bunch of rides, though the last one we had to get out of line after waiting for 40 minutes because my other son had to go to the bathroom.”

Employee: “Have you been to the Toys ride yet?”

Me: “No, but I’ve heard about it. I think we’ll do that next.”

Employee: “Well, here, take this Fast Pass and you won’t have to wait for it.”

Me: “Really? Oh, man, that’s awesome! Thank you so much!”

Employee: “No problem. Enjoy your day.”

Me: “Hold on, can we get a picture with you?”

Employee: “Really?” *clearly surprised and embarrassed*

Me: “Yeah, dude! That was a super cool move!”

Employee: “Oh, man, you are going to make me blush!”

(We took the picture and used the pass later that night when I knew my boys wanted to ride but would not tolerate another long line. It turned out that ride also had the 40 inch restriction, but the employee said he just made it! Thanks, dude, if you’re reading this you made our day!)

(I work at a popular amusement park. A family with children comes in. There are two boys and two girls in a toy gift store.)

Mother: “Okay, you guys can pick one toy each!”

(The one daughter picks a very pink and fluffy stuffed animal, while the boys pick a toy bow and arrow. The youngest girl picks a stuffed dragon.)

Me: “Oh, cool, a dragon!”

Little Girl: *holds up dragon* “Raawwwr!”

Me: “Oh, scary!”

Mother: *pulls dragon out of her hands* “Oh no, sweetheart! Dragons are not for sweet little girls!”

(The mother then shows the little girl a more girly toy and everything pink. Next the little girl picks up a green dog.)

Mother: “No! Little girls like pink! If you don’t get anything pink or girly you can’t get anything at all.”

(The little girl starts crying and then the mother pays for the toys of her other siblings.)

Mother: *to me* “One of these days she will learn her place. Only gay girls like those kind of toys she picked out. I am trying to get her more girly and into pink so she can be straight.”

Me: *stunned silence*

(I work at a family amusement park in New Hampshire, where gambling is illegal. We have a fake casino amongst our arcades, but it gives out tickets, not money.)

Guest: “How do I buy these prizes?”

Me: “You have to win tickets from the machine and use them to purchase the prizes.”

Guest: “I can’t just buy them?”

Me: “No, sorry. Game prizes are not for sale.”

(A little later…)

Guest: “I played all these games and I got tickets instead of money! You said I’d get money! Where is my money, you b****?”

Me: “I’m sorry if there was a miscommunication, sir. I said you’d get tickets and that you could use them to get prizes.”

Guest: “Is this a f****** joke?!”

(He threw the tickets in my face, spit on the floor, and stormed out, dragging his very young son after him, who had seen and experienced this whole tantrum.)

(I am leaving work in an unmarked uniform as I have recently been promoted from security guard to dispatcher. I still often help out our employee-access gate guards as the access gate can be very busy. I’ve just left our dispatch center where I had called 911 for an ambulance shortly before. As I get to the gate, there is a non-employee who is dressed like a plumber waiting for his daughter to be brought out from our health center. I can also hear the ambulance approaching so I start providing traffic control to allow the ambulance quick access to the property.)

Me: *to an employee coming in to work* “Step to the side, please!”

(The employee continues to approach without stopping and the ambulance is now visible with its emergency lights flashing.)

Me: “Step to the side. SIR, STEP TO THE SIDE SO THE AMBULANCE CAN GET IN.”

(The employee runs forward, only stopping when the ambulance almost runs his foot over.)

Me: *stopping the employee* “Excuse me. Did you not understand me?”

Employee: “What do you mean?

Me: “Did you not hear me telling you to stop, and motioning you to stay where you were to let the ambulance in?”

Employee: “Yeah, and I f****** stopped, didn’t I?”

Me: “No, you didn’t. I’ll ask you again. Did you not understand me?”

Employee: “Yeah, well, you were saying one thing and motioning with your hands. It wasn’t very clear. Why should I have to stop anyway? I would have made it ahead of the ambulance!”

Me: “I asked you to stop, and you didn’t stop. Is there something that makes you special so that you don’t have to stop for an ambulance on an emergency run? Can I see your ID card, please?”

Employee: “No. Who the f*** are you, anyway?”

(At this point, I let him see my company ID card with ‘Security and Loss Prevention’ written on it as my department.)

Employee: “Well, you weren’t very clear with what you wanted. Now f****** let me get to work.”

Me: “I asked for your ID card. Please give it to me.”

Employee: No. You didn’t make yourself clear and I shouldn’t have had to stop anyway.”

(The man waiting to pick his daughter up has been listening to this whole exchange and chimes in.)

Man: “Actually, a**hole, he was very clear about what you wanted. You were just a little s*** who didn’t listen.”

Employee: “F*** you. What the f*** do you want? You’re not involved here!”

Man: “He was very clear about what he wanted you to do. You were just a snot-nosed little s***head who didn’t want to listen. You’ve been nothing but an a**hole during this entire exchange.”

(At this point they are about ready to exchange blows and every security guard at the access post is ready to jump in. The man then reaches inside his shirt and pulls out his badge as well as pulling his ID card from his pocket.)

Man: “If it was up to me, I would arrest your a** right now because you deserve it. I’m already having a bad day and snot-nosed little brats like you just make it worse. So you are going to shut up and walk through the metal detector and go to work. I will personally be calling your supervisor to tell them what a snot-nosed s***head you are and that you chose to disregard the very clear directions of park security.”

(The employee immediately showed me his ID, and then turned around and went straight into work without ever saying another word. Turned out, the ‘plumber’ was a member of a local undercover drug squad who had been called off surveillance to pick his daughter up after she got sick.)

(Our carousel has a height requirement: 45 inches and smaller require an adult with them. We allow 15 year olds and up to accompany a small child. A girl is coming into line with her little sister, who is not tall enough to ride alone. I don’t believe the older sister is 15.)

Me: “How old are you?”

Older Sister: “I’m 11.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. You have to be at least 15 to bring a child on. Is Mom or Dad with you?”

(The girls walk away, and come back with their mom.)

Mom: “You won’t let the big one go with her? She’s fifteen.”

Me: “Well, she just told me she was 11.”

Mom: *shuts up*