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Gonna Be A Looooong Season

, , , , , | Right | October 2, 2020

I work in a relatively small amusement park just outside of Philadelphia. People come from all over to see the characters that the park is known for. While the prices are quite high, park employees have no responsibility for them and can’t change them at all.

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Park]! How can I help you?”

Guest: “You can tell me why the prices here are so f****** high!”

Me: “Well, I have no control over the prices—”

Guest: “What do you mean, you have no control? Don’t you work here?”

Me: “Well, yes, I do work here, but I only sell the tickets. I don’t control the corporation that decides the price.”

Guest: “That is ridiculous! I demand you give me the lowest possible price!”

Me: “Do you have a coupon or a season pass? Or do you know someone with a season pass? Or are you the family member of an active military soldier?”

Guest: “No, but what does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “Those are the only ways to get a discount.”

Guest: “I want the season pass, then. At least then I only have to pay once.”

She then proceeds to purchase four of the most expensive of the three types of season passes that the park offers. So, instead of storming off in a huff as I expected, she spent more money after ranting about the high prices.

Guest: “Thank you!”

I wave absently and then turn to my coworker.

Me: “Did that just happen?”

Coworker: “I’m just as surprised as you are.”

Gonna Be A Looooong Season

With Bad Customers, It Never Rains But It Pours

, , , | Right | September 7, 2020

As a customer, 99% of the time I am patient, polite, try to be friendly, and smile. And that is because of the first five years of my working life spent in public-facing jobs: retail, food service, and (horrors!) an amusement park.

One rainy day, while I am working in the foodservice location (doughnuts, pastries, coffee, etc.), a “lady” comes in looking angry.

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am, how may I—”

She then throws her purse onto the counter and angrily asks:

Customer: “Why is it raining?!”

I really wanted to say “The flowers are thirsty?” but for the sake of my job, I didn’t say anything!

Sixty Reasons To Get A Different Job Next Year

, , , , , | Working | August 12, 2020

When I was in high school, I worked a minimum-wage summer job at an amusement park. When I transferred from general floor staff to the birthday party division, my supervisor told me the new position came with a small raise, and I filled out the paperwork to agree to the raise. It wasn’t a lot of money — we’re talking a few cents per hour more — but I was glad to get anything I could.

The trouble was, even though I was told I had the raise, it never appeared in my paycheck. The supervisors were all very nice and apologetic about it, saying it was a backup at corporate, but it just didn’t come through. Wait a couple of weeks, they kept saying, until three months had passed, and I was ready to leave the job to resume school. At that point, I did some back-calculating and discovered that, had the raise been issued when they said it was, I would have earned about $60 more during the summer.

So, I called my former supervisor and agreed to come in and meet him. I showed him my calculations and asked how I could get the money I had already worked to earn.

“Well… I don’t know,” he said. “I guess, since you’re a good guy, I’ll figure out a way to pay you.”

The good news is that he eventually paid me, but really? “Since you’re a good guy”? What if I wasn’t a good guy? Silly me for assuming that working for a contracted amount entitles you to receive that amount.

Idea: Feed This Creep To The Dinosaurs

, , , , , | Friendly | June 6, 2020

During my senior year of high school, my school managed to raise money to visit an amusement park. After being pursued by dinosaurs through a particular ride, I escaped alive and decided to go get lunch.

It was a hot day — 80F, 27C — and everyone was packed inside. The balcony was largely unoccupied, as it was outside in the sun. Luckily, I managed to find a table with some shade. I sat down to eat with my tray, and a short time later, a strange older man sat down across the picnic-style table across from me.

“Um, excuse me,” I asked him. “Could you please sit somewhere else?”

He didn’t answer; he just stared at me with a creepy smile and said something in a language I didn’t understand.

“Sir, I don’t know you,” I said firmly, “and I don’t feel comfortable with sharing my table with you.”

Instead of answering, he picked up a single french fry with ketchup on it, stuck it halfway into his mouth, and started sucking the ketchup off in a disgustingly suggestive manner, never breaking eye contact.

I no longer felt obligated to be nice, so I grabbed my tray, called him a filthy creep, and stormed inside, trying to find a security officer. He followed me inside, came up behind me, put his hands on my shoulders, and said something else in his language.

I slapped his hands off of me, but before I could spew a stream of profanity at him, a woman rushed over and started berating the man in their language before dragging him away.

As he was walking away, he said, in perfect English, “But American women are supposed to be easy!” which got him a burst of rapid-fire scolding in his language.

I gave a full-body shudder and finally found a security officer to complain to. Unfortunately, by then, the man was gone and I couldn’t point him out. They promised to check the security video, look for him, and remove him from the park, before wishing me a better rest of the day.

Maybe I should have stayed and pushed harder or pressed charges or something, but in the end, I just ended up finishing my lunch and enjoying the rest of my trip. I never did see him again.

I can only wonder why he thought he could pick up… that kind of woman… in a family-friendly park.

Final Destination: The Ride

, , , , | Right | May 22, 2020

One of the more popular rides in the theme park where I work has been closed for a considerable amount of time due to maintenance issues. 

Customer: “So, we can’t ride [Roller Coaster] today?”

Me: “Not unless you wish to die.”

This story is part of our Roller-Coasters roundup!

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