My other half works as a team leader at a highly popular family theme park in the UK. She had a lady with her kids come up to her the other day to make a ridiculous complaint. The lady had apparently arrived at the entrance of the park and planned to meet her friend in the car park so they could enter the park together.

Unfortunately, this lady had left her phone at home and had no way of contacting her friend to organise where exactly in the large car park and entrance they were going to meet up. So, the lady approached one of the staff members at the turnstile gates who normally check wristbands, tickets, etc. She asked the staff member if she could get her phone out, go on Facebook, add the friend she wanted to meet up with, and message her on the lady’s behalf as to where they should meet.

Obviously, the staff member refused, explaining she was not allowed to have her phone on her at work, and even if she was, she wouldn’t be okay with doing such a thing. Unsurprisingly, the clueless lady then demanded a superior to complain to about the staff member’s lack of cooperation and helpfulness. The superior taking the complaint was my girlfriend.

We still wonder, a few days later, if she has ever gone up to any other strangers in the past and asked them to add other strangers on Facebook to message them for her.

(I work at a water park. On this day we were closing early. A customer walks up to window with his son behind him, looks ahead, and sees a kid on his bike that’s going to come in.)

Customer: “Hey, kid, you can’t swim with your bike!”

(We do allow bikes since we have a bike rack for people to put them on.)

Coworker: “They are allowed to bring those in. I just wanted to let you know we close in about thirty minutes.”

Customer: “Are you f****** s***ting me?!”

Coworker: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Well, since it’s only thirty minutes, you should let me in for free.”

Coworker: “I can’t do that, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah, you can just turn your head.”

Coworker: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Well, if you won’t she—” *points to me as I am sitting behind my coworker* “—can!”

(I get up and go into the office where all of our supervisors and head guards are, and ask any of them to please come help. As I am doing this, my coworker has said we can get the manager, and now the customer has his head in the window shouting:)

Customer: “Manager, oh, manager!”

Supervisor: “Is there anything to do here, or are you on your way out?”

Customer: “Look. I promised my son he could swim, and now he’s not going to be able to, so you should just let us in free for the last thirty minutes.”

Supervisor: “No, I’m not going to do that; you can either pay or leave.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(He hands over his money and goes in, but the coworker doesn’t tender it because she sees him turn right back around in the park and start walking towards her.)

Customer: “Is this pool closed?!”

(We have two pools, and our pool that has the slides and lazy river has been closed for about a week.)

Coworker: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Just give me my d*** money back.”

(I am working a special nighttime event at which guests can pay an additional fee to receive unlimited desserts and access to a reserved area to watch the nightly fireworks presentation. Adults in the group also receive alcoholic drinks. A young guest of about twelve approaches me:)

Guest: “Excuse me, but isn’t the drinking age in Florida 21?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guest: “Well, my grandmother just gave me a drink, and it was champagne!”

Me: “Well, okay.”

Guest: “So, why did the bartender give it to her?”

Me: “Well, you have to understand that the bartender is required by law to make sure the person he serves is 21. What happens after he serves that person is not really his responsibility.”

Guest: *suddenly looking a bit scared* “But I drank some!”

Me: “Did you like it?”

Guest: “No! Am I going to get in trouble?”

Me: “No, no. It’s okay. You’ll be fine. No law was broken.”

Guest: *looking relieved* “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Hi, welcome to Disneyland! How may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi! I’d like to go to California Adventure.”

Me: “Okay. Is it just yourself?”

Guest: “Yes, just me.”

Me: “So, one for California Adventure for one adult will be $119.”

Guest: “Oh… I don’t have any money.”

Me: “What?”

Guest: “I don’t have any money; I just want to go in.”

Me: “Well, you need a ticket to get in.”

Guest: “Oh… the lady at the front said that I need a ticket.”

Me: “Because you do.”

Guest: “Well, how do you suggest I get in?”

Me: “Buy a ticket?”

Guest: “But I have no money.”

Me: “Then how did you expect to get in?”

Guest: “I thought maybe you would just hook it up.”

Me: “Ha! Are you serious?”

Guest: “Yes, I’m serious.”

Me: “Well, buying a ticket is the only way to get in.”

Guest: “Oh… Okay.” *reads name tag*

Me: “Yes?”

Guest: “That’s a beautiful name. I like it.”

Me: “Thanks… Me, too.”

(Awkward silence.)

Guest: “Okay, bye.”

(I am at a theme park attempting to get on a Disk’O ride. The ride restraints on this ride are automatic and come up from the bottom of the seat at the back and rest on the riders’ backs to fasten them into the motorcycle position. We are called off the ride after the restraints are pulled up and released, and I have the following conversation with a staff member:)

Me: “This is what happens when you have GLaDOS in control of the restraints.”

Worker: “GLaDOS? We’re not Aperture Science; our funding methods are much more dubious!”