Gorillas In The Rig

, , , , , , | Working | August 23, 2017

(I am nine years old when this story takes place. I am with my mother at a popular event with many carnival rides and games set up. I see one game is giving out giant gorillas as their “big” prizes.)

Me: “I want to try that!”

Mom: “You won’t win anything good. These games are all rigged.”

Me: “I don’t care. I want a gorilla!”

Mom: “Okay, you get one chance but then we have to go before we miss [Popular Dog Competition].”

(The game in question is one where you have to throw a ball at a large table with holes cut into it. The holes are painted various colours, each corresponding to a prize. There is only one green hole on the entire table and if your ball lands on it you win a big prize. I toss my only ball and it lands on the green hole.)

Me: “I did it!”

Man Running The Game: “HOLY S***, I THOUGHT THAT WAS RIGGED!”

(Everyone in the surrounding area heard this and when we came back later that day a different person was running that game. I don’t know if the guy had to leave for rigging the game or for telling everyone, but at least I got a gorilla out of it.)

Your Memory Is Fluid

, , , , | Related | August 18, 2017

(A local amusement park that we frequent in the summer has a water park attached to it. I’m deathly aquaphobic so I avoid that part of the park which usually causes no problems, but occasionally on windy days the strong smell of chlorine will waft over and sometimes triggers a panic attack. I’ve just been calmed down after such an attack.)

Friend: “Wow, I’ve never seen anyone get triggered by the smell of chlorine before!”

Me: “That’s probably because the reason I’m so afraid of water is because when I was almost four years old, I tried to fish a toy out of my grandmother’s pool and fell in. Luckily I’d fallen right next to the ladder and was able to pull myself out because no one even saw me go in.”

Mom: “That never happened!”

Me: “Yes, it did. I know it happened because I was traumatized by it enough to remember it exactly as it happened. I even remember that the toy I was trying to get was the rubber seal that Grandma has on the shelf in the bathroom as a decoration.”

Mom: “I never left you alone by the pool, so there’s no way you could have fallen in!”

Me: “I wasn’t alone by the pool. You were there; you were just talking to someone. I pulled myself out before anyone saw me, but I clearly remember falling in and almost drowning.”

Mom: “We would have noticed!”

Me: “Well, you didn’t, and I was still wet because we’d been swimming in the pool earlier so you didn’t think anything of it, and I didn’t say anything to you because I thought you’d be angry with me for falling in. Why do you think I suddenly went overnight from loving Grandma’s pool to being too terrified to go near water?”

(To this day she insists I never nearly drowned in the pool, which I’m not sure is denial out of an attempt to not seem like a bad parent — she wasn’t; she was usually very attentive when my sister and I were around the pool; she just looked away for a second that one time — or because she doesn’t think I would be able to remember something that happened to me when I was so young, so clearly I either dreamed it or made it up. It’s worth noting that she also doesn’t remember the time my sister fractured her finger at school when someone slammed a heavy steel door completely shut on it despite the fact that she was the one who rushed her to the hospital and insists it didn’t happen, even though my sister clearly remembers the trauma from that, too, so maybe she just doesn’t like to think of her kids getting hurt and refuses to acknowledge it ever happening.)

Going Out With You Is A Scream

, , , , | Romantic | July 7, 2017

(I am at a large amusement park’s annual Halloween festival, where there are plenty of haunted houses to go through. I am waiting in line and see a teenage girl, sitting with her back facing a part of the line and talking in hushed, smiling tones to what I assumed was her boyfriend. At many of these haunted houses, there are some “screamsters” who wander up and down the rows of guests and mess with them. One of these screamsters cuts through the line, sits down directly behind the girl and stares at her silently. Her boyfriend notices but does a great job keeping a straight face. After a few minutes, the girl senses something is off, and turns around to find herself face to face with a bloodied up man with a beard and carrying a broom. She screams and scrambles to her feet, looking utterly terrified.)

Girl: *to boyfriend* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Boyfriend: *laughing* “Why WOULD I tell you?”

Telling A Large Raspberry To Get A Large Strawberry

, , , , , , | Right | June 30, 2017

(I work at a Specialty Ice Cream stand, which is a rather popular stand. One particular day, a child whom I’ve never seen before comes up to the stand. He can’t be older than 12.)

Child: “Hi, I haven’t gotten my large strawberry yet.”

Me: *knowing I’ve never seen him* “You haven’t ordered a large strawberry.”

Child: “Yes, I have! You just never gave it to me!”

Me: “Okay, how much did you pay for it?”

Child: “I paid…” *checks sign next to the window which has the base price without tax, then states that price to me*

Me: *internally grinning* “Large [Specialty Ice Cream] is [price with tax].”

(The kid’s expression fell as he knew he’d been caught. He walked away without another word. I moved on to the next customer who had seen the whole thing and was grinning as well. We both agreed that it was a rather poor attempt.)

Keeping Manners Fast Effective

, , , , | Hopeless | June 22, 2017

(I am 15, and getting out of the car that I drove on Tomorrowland Speedway. I proceed to thank the employee that is helping me get out of the car.)

Employee: “Have a good day.”

Me: “Thanks. You, too.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Me: “I said thanks. You have a good day, too.”

(He smiles, and seems more cheery. Later on, I’m waiting at the front of the ride for my mom to get my sister in her stroller, and the same employee sees me.)

Employee: *walks over* “Hey, you’re the super nice kid!”

(He proceeds to write a fast-pass out for my whole family to use at any ride, any time, as well as giving everyone in my party cool little “driver’s licenses.”)

Me: *surprised* “Thank you so much!”

Employee: “No problem.” *to my mom* “He’s a good kid.”

(The employee, whose name I noticed was Raul, walked off. Wherever you are, Raul, I want to thank you for showing me that manners still matter!)

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