Won’t Be Ringing Him Up

, , , , , , , | Romantic | March 25, 2019

I worked in a jewelry shop and it was close to Valentine’s Day. A lot of men came in to buy some jewelry for the occasion, and we had some strange requests, but there’s one man that I’ll never forget.

He came in and wanted to see some diamond rings to give to “the love of his life.” I didn’t think too much of it since he was wearing Armani clothes and had a Rolex watch and some expensive rings on his fingers. He finally decided on one ring, but when I told him that that would cost 1250 Euros, he was shocked and wanted to see some cheaper rings.

So, I presented him some rings in the 500-Euro range. No, too expensive, but he wanted the best for the love of his life. Okay, some rings in the 250-Euro range? No, too expensive for the love of his life. 100 Euros? No, too expensive. Twenty minutes later, he still couldn’t decide on some cheap rings for the love of his life.

Finally, a customer next in line who saw it all happen came up with this: “Hey, Buster, why don’t you head to [Big DIY Store] and buy a copper curtain ring? The last time I was there, they were 25 cents each. Should be just about right for the love of your life. Or you could buy her an angle grinder; they’re on sale now.”

While I saw some customers grin and smirk, other customers in the shop laughed out loud. The rich guy turned red and sneaked out of the store. Of course, I gave the customer who spoke up a discount for chasing that cheapskate out of the store.

I guess you only become rich by not spending any money. Not even on “the love of your life.”

They Are Being Stamp Nazis

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2019

(I’m at the exit of a trade fair, stamping people who go out for a smoke or some other reason and then want to get back in. This is because people might go out and give their badge to someone else. In that case, people could get in for free. However, lots of people tend to resist it. Some in very rude ways.)

Visitor: “No, I don’t want a stamp, I’m not an animal. I’ll stay inside, then. It reminds me too much of World War Two!”

(Only minutes later it dawned on me that the lady was comparing my job to the Holocaust and mass murder!)

That Free Meal Cost Dearly

, , , , , , | Working | January 25, 2019

(My wife and I are in a restaurant having a night out. The restaurant is crowded and clearly understaffed; only one waitress is running to serve everyone. Although it’s clear that she’s exhausted, she keeps smiling and being nice to the customers. I don’t know what happened but suddenly I hear her speaking to a customer in a really angry tone.)

Waitress: “Are you serious?”

(She then she shouts to the entire restaurant:)

Waitress: “Attention, people! This man here just had a 150-Euro meal. He even licked the plate clean as dogs do, and now he’s telling me that his meal wasn’t properly cooked and he won’t pay.”

(Her boss comes out of the kitchen. A heated discussion between the boss, the waitress, and the customer starts. It is soon clear to everyone that the boss is going to let the customer go without him paying for his meal. The waitress is furious, but the boss ignores her. As the customer is ready to leave, the waitress raises her voice once again:)

Waitress: “Dear customers, since my boss decided to let a jerk walk out without paying for the food, I have decided that I’m quitting right now. I suggest you all leave without paying because you all have been patient and lovely. If jerks can get free meals here, I am sure that [Boss] can’t object to nice people getting free meals.”

(With that, she opened the door and motioned for people to leave. Everyone left without paying, but the waitress got some generous tips on the way out!)

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Delivering The Criminal Right Into Your Lap(top)

, , , , , | Legal | January 25, 2019

I’m helping my friend out in his recently opened computer shop. One day a man comes in; he looks like a businessman. He says that he’s opening a new office in Amsterdam and he needs computers and printers for ten workers. My friend shows him some models of printers and laptops and desktops, points out some possibilities to save money, and gives some advice on back-ups and antivirus software.

The guy seems to be pleased with the advice and orders desktop PCs, laptops, and printers to an amount of 15,000 euros. While my friend is busy doing the paperwork, the man casually mentions that he has a Skype-meeting in a few hours and asks if it would be possible to take one laptop now and pay it later with the rest of the order.

My friend says it’s no problem and tells me to prepare a laptop and install Skype on it. I tell the customer that it may take some time but the guy says he’ll wait.

When I’m in the back room, my friend comes in and tells me to call the police. He goes back into the shop and starts talking to the guy. I call the police and tell them to come because my friend told me so. I couldn’t give a reason but I know it’s urgent that they come.

Ten minutes pass and the police enter the shop. My friend tells them to arrest the customer for fraud. The police are reluctant but when the guy tries to make a run for it, they arrest him.

Turns out that my friend was warned about this kind of scam. The customer never intended to open an office. He just placed an expensive order so that my friend would give him a laptop for free. If my friend would have gone to deliver the order he would have found out that the company doesn’t exist and that there was no office at the given address.

My friend would have ended up with a lot of costs for returning the devices and one 1000 euro laptop missing.

He said he became suspicious when he was explaining things to the guy. The man really didn’t listen and was constantly asking for the most expensive portable devices in the shop. Why would you want to buy ten laptops at 1000 euros a piece when you just were told that laptops that cost only 500 euros would be good enough for sending and receiving email?

Break-ing The Law

, , , , | Legal | July 12, 2018

Boss: “You can’t go on a break. We don’t do breaks here.”

Me: “But I’m working seven hours. It’s obligatory to let me have a break.”

Boss: “Sorry, there’s no time for breaks.”

Me: “Then you should have more people working.”

Boss: “We can’t afford that.”

Me: “Well, if you can’t afford to run your company in a legal way, you’re obviously doing something wrong.”

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