Biking In The Netherlands Is Taken Seriously

, , , , , | Friendly | August 26, 2019

(I’ve just impaled myself on a fence after I was riding my bike, avoided a car, noticed no working brakes, went into the sidewalk, and then hit a bump which sent me into said fence. I’m clearly hurting and stuck when a person who was on the sidewalk walks over. I am a tourist.)

Woman: “Bikes are for the road.”

Me: “I know, but I didn’t have a choice.”

Woman: “You should have stayed on the road!”

Me: “I’m not a good enough rider to stay on the road and not get hit by a car when there are no brakes!”

Woman: “You are a terrible rider. Bikes stay in the street! No sidewalk riding!”

(At this point, I get off the fence and fall into the bushes on the other side. I have blood dripping down my leg and other, far more minor injuries like scratches that are obvious as I finally stand up.)

Me: “I understand. I’m not a good rider, but I had no chance. I couldn’t stop the bike and I think I did pretty well to not hit you or anyone else.”

(I’ve got a lovely scar just above my right knee as a reminder but hey, at least she told me off for “riding on the sidewalk.”)

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They Have Bigger Combos To Fry

, , , , , | Working | July 31, 2019

(I’m late for a meeting around dinner time and decide to grab a quick bite to eat from a fast food joint. There’s a decent crowd at the counter but it’s not too busy. I place my order — just a burger and a small drink — hoping the easy order will be done fast. The cashier is foreign and hard to understand, using a mixture of English and Dutch with a very heavy accent.)

Cashier: “We out of regular burger. You want XL burger, instead?”

Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

(She gives me my total, which is for a normal burger and the drink. I pay and she then goes to make a drink, which she places in front of me along with a receipt with a number. I grab the drink and receipt and stand back, waiting for my number to be called for my burger. The cashier sees me standing, then impatiently beckons me over.)

Cashier: “This not yours! This other order!”

(She snatches the receipt and drink out of my hands.)

Me: “My apologies! Since you placed them right in front of me, I figured this was my order.”

(She disappears to the back, leaving me without a receipt with an order number. I don’t want to make a fuss so I just stand back again, keeping a close eye on all the outgoing orders to see if mine is there. After a while, the cashier comes back with a tray with what seems to be my order, as she also makes eye contact and beckons me over.)

Cashier: “One [burger] combo.”

Me: “Hold on, I didn’t order the combo. Just the burger and a small drink. You can keep the fries.”

(She snatches the tray out of my hands and places it on the counter behind her, out of my reach. I’m in a real hurry now and just want my food. I try to get her attention but she is now busy helping others. After two other customers she turns to me again.)

Cashier: *impatiently* “What?”

Me: “I said, you can keep the fries. I still want my burger.”

Cashier: *raised eyebrow silence*

Me: “Can I have the tray back?”

(She grabs the tray again and gives it to me.)

Cashier: *rudely* “I thought you didn’t want the combo? Now you suddenly want combo?”

(I grab the tray, take off the fries, and place them on the counter.)

Me: “Here. Problem solved. Stick those fries anywhere you want for all I care.”

(I walk out hurriedly to catch my meeting and start eating while walking. The burger was so cold that the cheese on it was stiff.)

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Won’t Be Ringing Him Up

, , , , , , , | Romantic | March 25, 2019

I worked in a jewelry shop and it was close to Valentine’s Day. A lot of men came in to buy some jewelry for the occasion, and we had some strange requests, but there’s one man that I’ll never forget.

He came in and wanted to see some diamond rings to give to “the love of his life.” I didn’t think too much of it since he was wearing Armani clothes and had a Rolex watch and some expensive rings on his fingers. He finally decided on one ring, but when I told him that that would cost 1250 Euros, he was shocked and wanted to see some cheaper rings.

So, I presented him some rings in the 500-Euro range. No, too expensive, but he wanted the best for the love of his life. Okay, some rings in the 250-Euro range? No, too expensive for the love of his life. 100 Euros? No, too expensive. Twenty minutes later, he still couldn’t decide on some cheap rings for the love of his life.

Finally, a customer next in line who saw it all happen came up with this: “Hey, Buster, why don’t you head to [Big DIY Store] and buy a copper curtain ring? The last time I was there, they were 25 cents each. Should be just about right for the love of your life. Or you could buy her an angle grinder; they’re on sale now.”

While I saw some customers grin and smirk, other customers in the shop laughed out loud. The rich guy turned red and sneaked out of the store. Of course, I gave the customer who spoke up a discount for chasing that cheapskate out of the store.

I guess you only become rich by not spending any money. Not even on “the love of your life.”

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They Are Being Stamp Nazis

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2019

(I’m at the exit of a trade fair, stamping people who go out for a smoke or some other reason and then want to get back in. This is because people might go out and give their badge to someone else. In that case, people could get in for free. However, lots of people tend to resist it. Some in very rude ways.)

Visitor: “No, I don’t want a stamp, I’m not an animal. I’ll stay inside, then. It reminds me too much of World War Two!”

(Only minutes later it dawned on me that the lady was comparing my job to the Holocaust and mass murder!)

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That Free Meal Cost Dearly

, , , , , , | Working | January 25, 2019

(My wife and I are in a restaurant having a night out. The restaurant is crowded and clearly understaffed; only one waitress is running to serve everyone. Although it’s clear that she’s exhausted, she keeps smiling and being nice to the customers. I don’t know what happened but suddenly I hear her speaking to a customer in a really angry tone.)

Waitress: “Are you serious?”

(She then she shouts to the entire restaurant:)

Waitress: “Attention, people! This man here just had a 150-Euro meal. He even licked the plate clean as dogs do, and now he’s telling me that his meal wasn’t properly cooked and he won’t pay.”

(Her boss comes out of the kitchen. A heated discussion between the boss, the waitress, and the customer starts. It is soon clear to everyone that the boss is going to let the customer go without him paying for his meal. The waitress is furious, but the boss ignores her. As the customer is ready to leave, the waitress raises her voice once again:)

Waitress: “Dear customers, since my boss decided to let a jerk walk out without paying for the food, I have decided that I’m quitting right now. I suggest you all leave without paying because you all have been patient and lovely. If jerks can get free meals here, I am sure that [Boss] can’t object to nice people getting free meals.”

(With that, she opened the door and motioned for people to leave. Everyone left without paying, but the waitress got some generous tips on the way out!)

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