(I sell coffee, cookies, and other assorted foods and drinks on trains. My colleagues also sell beer, but since I’m underage, I am not allowed to. A customer gestures to an empty half-litre can of beer, and asks for another.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I am not allowed to carry alcohol in public locations, being under-aged.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! A colleague of yours also wouldn’t sell me any beer because they were Muslim. What sense does that make?”

Me: “I’m sorry that you feel this way, sir, but you shouldn’t judge someone for their religious beliefs, I think.”

Customer: “I’m not judging them, but I mean, what are you doing with your life if you’re thirty and won’t even sell someone a beer?”

Me: “Sir, look at it this way. I won’t sell you alcohol because of my age; my colleague won’t sell you alcohol because of their religion. It’s nearly the same.”

(The customer accepted defeat and waves me off. What I’m wondering is how someone could judge another when they themselves need three-quarters of a litre of a beer before four pm?)

(I am a cashier in a liquor store.)

Me: “Hello, Welcome to [Liquor Store]. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Y’all have any grape wine?”

Me: *pause* “We sure do. Almost all wine is made from grapes. Do you know what type of wine?”

Customer: “Grape wine.”

Me: “Okay. Is it red or white?”

Customer: “Look. I’m not here to play twenty questions. I want that grape-flavored wine.”

Me: “Wine is made from fermented grapes. It’s technically all ‘grape’-flavored. Do you remember a brand name?”

Customer: “It’s the grape-flavored wine. Why is this so hard for you?!”

Me: *thinking furiously* “Grape-flavored like grape-flavored candy?”

Customer: *pause* “Yes.”

Me: *shows her to the Manischewitz Concord Grape Wine*

Customer: “Yes! This is what the Jews drink!”

(I leave my hotel and head for one of the taxis parked out front. I open the door but before I can get in, a man stumbles out of the hotel and throws himself in the back seat. I give the driver a “no problem” look, but before I close the taxi door I hear the following exchange:)

Passenger: *slurring* “Let’s get a move on!”

Driver: “Are you heading downtown this evening, sir?”

Passenger: “None of your business!”

Driver: “Sir, it literally is my business.”

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(These two regulars come in who have always been incredibly nice to me, always making jokes, etc., and always order the same thing. When I see them walk in, I start getting their cider’s uncapped, and they’re super happy.)

Regular #1: “Oh, hey, darling. You know us so well!”

Regular #2: “You’re such a sweetheart!”

(They start sipping away and I start to realize how drunk they actually are: drinking very slowly and slightly swaying. I keep an eye on them while I go upfront to grab someone’s jacket from coat check, when I see [Regular #1] putting the two ciders into his pea-coat jacket pockets. The liquor laws in my city are very strict, and we have a liquor inspector come by roughly every two weeks. At this point he hasn’t come for three weeks, so I am expecting him.)

Me:  “[Regular #1], what are you doing buddy? You know you can’t take those outside. Nice try, though!”

Regular #1: “You got me this time!”

(I go back to the bar, and I’m in the middle of serving someone, when I see the two of them just book it outside. Mind you, they haven’t even paid yet. I finish the transaction quickly and run after them.)

Me: *at this point I’m getting peeved* “Hey! Buddy! What did I just say?”

Regular #1: “Oh, don’t be such a spaz; we won’t tell anyone.”

Me: “If you want to finish your drinks, you have to do it inside. I will not risk getting our liquor licence suspended.”

Regular #1: “But I paid for these!”

(Classic drunk person excuse.)

Me: “Yeah, that’s why I said you can finish those ciders inside. Either walk inside with me, or give me the bottles.”

Regular #2: “Ugh, let’s go [Regular #1]. We don’t need this s***.”

(They proceed to shoo me away and turn around to walk. Now I’m really angry.)

Me: “HEY, I’M TALKING TO YOU! You’re in the business; you know how this works. Give those back now! I will not say this again.”

Regular #1: “Do you have any idea how much money I spent here? I paid for these, okay? And I am going to enjoy them.”

Me: “Yeah, [Regular #1], thank you oh-so-much for the $16 you spend here once a month. Without you we’d be bust, right?”

(It’s at this point that [Regular #1] gets right up in my face with all the attitude in the world.)

Regular #1: “Look here, b****. You’re really nice, okay? Let’s keep it that way. Now take that little mouth of yours and f*** off.”

(Realising I wasn’t going to get anywhere unless the situation got physical, I let them walk. I found the bottles around the corner an hour later after we closed the bar. They were still almost full.)

(A day after attending a dinner party, I go into the liquor store to buy some wine that was served at the party. I did not actually drink the wine.)

Clerk: “Hi! Can I help you find anything?”

Me: “No, thanks. I’m just looking.”

(As the store is empty, the clerk seems bored. He follows me.)

Clerk: “Are you looking for a specific wine?”

Me: “Yes, but there’s no way you can help.”

Clerk: “Sure I can. Try me.”

Me: “I’m trying to find the wine my daughter-in-law served last night. I was told it was really good. I didn’t drink any and I didn’t see it poured, so I don’t know what it was called or even what kind of wine.”

Clerk: “Do you know the name?”

Me: “No, and I don’t know what kind it was. I never saw it poured.”

Clerk: “Was it red or white?”

Me: “As I said, I don’t know. I’m hoping I will recognize the bottle.”

Clerk: “I don’t think I can help you. What kind of wine do you like? I can recommend something.”

Me: “No, thanks. I just want to see if I can find this one.”

(The clerk wanders off, looking annoyed. I eventually recognize the bottle and grab some.)

Clerk: “Is this what you were looking for?”

Me: “Yes. I knew I would recognize the label even if I couldn’t describe it.”

Clerk: “Well, I could have found it for you if you would have told me it was [Brand] or even that it was Malbec. If you want help, you need to have some information to start.”

Me: “But I didn’t want help. I wanted to look.”

(He finished the rest of the transaction without commentary.)