(An elderly woman well into her 70s comes through the check-out line with a single bottle of wine. I start to scan the bottle through.)

Customer: “Wait! Aren’t you going to check my ID?”

Me: “Er, no, ma’am, I don’t think it’s really necessary.”

Customer: “Well, that’s no good! You should check all ID if you’re selling alcohol.”

Me: “Well, okay. May I see your ID, please?”

(She hands over an ID card that is obviously fake.)

Me: “Ma’am… this card says you’re seventeen.”

Customer: “Oh, dear! You’ve caught me! I’m much too young to be buying this! It’s a good thing you were checking IDs. I’d better just go now! *skips out the door*

Me: “…”

Did you find this story on our Wine Roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go back to the roundup!

Me: “Hi there.”

Customer: *smiles* “I got out o’ rehab yesterday. I was in fer 16 weeks! I was in fer the drink.”

Me: “Oh, right…”

Customer: “I went fer a drink to celebrate last night, just 1 or 2, ya know. I got carried away and woke up in a hospital the’ mornin, tubes in ma nose and s***. They brought me back nine times.”

Me: “Nine times… they resuscitated you?!”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ve died a few times now. Been hit by twelve cars, been through four windscreens… in all, been brought back over thirty times a think.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What’s that thing with lotsa lives?”

Me: “A cat?”

Customer: No, more than a cat… Oh wait, yeah! They call me the cat! But I have more than a cat… they call me Supercat!”

Me: “Don’t you think you should cut back on the drinking?”

Customer: “Och, I just gotta stick to ma limits and no drink three litres. One litre is ma limit!”

This story is part of our Yet-More-Customers-Sharing-TMI-themed roundup!

Read the next Yet-More-Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup story!

Read the Yet-More-Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!

Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *slurring* “Yeeeaah, you f***ers owe me a 40 of Jack Daniels!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “I SAID YOU OWE ME A 40 OF JACK!”

Me: “Why is that, sir?”

Customer: “Well, youse is the phone company, right? Youse guys make the phones ring, right?”

Me: “Umm…”

Customer: “My phone f***ing rang and I knocked my bottle over tryin’ to get it.”

Me: “Oh, right.” *laughs*

Customer: “YOU THINK I’M JOKIN’?! Get me a manager!”

Me: “Sir, we’re not responsible for you knocking over your liquor.”

Customer: “Yes, you f***in’ are! I want a credit on my bill!”

Me: *click*

This story is part of the Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!

Read the next Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup story!

Read the Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!

(It’s St. Patrick’s Day at an Irish pub, and I’m serving a table with ten drunken customers.)

Drunken Table: “Hey! We need some more drinks over here! We’ve been waiting quite a while!”

Me: “Sure, what can I get for you!”

(They order ten different, complex cocktail orders.)

Me: “Great, I’ll get these into the bar as soon as possible.”

(Five minutes later…)

Lady: *at drunken table* “Hey! We’ve been waiting for our drinks! Where the h*** are they?!”

Me: “Well, we’re pretty busy and the bar is backed up a bit. Sorry for the delay.”

Lady: *at drunken table* “Well, we sure aren’t impressed with the service here. My husband is a doctor, and he’s on call tonight, so we really need our drinks served promptly!”

Doctor: *at drunken table* “Yesshh, I need my drinksh right nooow!”

This story of part of the St. Patrick’s Day roundup!

Read the next St. Patrick’s Day roundup story!

Read the St. Patrick’s Day roundup!

(I’m a liquor store owner. A teenager grabs a couple of beer bottles and proceeds to the counter to purchase the beer.)

Me: “May I see your ID?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I don’t sell alcohol to people without IDs.”

Customer: “But I’m eighteen! I’m allowed to buy beer!”

Me: “Sorry, but its the law. No ID, no beer.”

Customer: “F*** you! F*** this government! Can’t a man just buy and enjoy their beer anymore?”

Me: “Look, all you have to do is flash your ID and you can buy all the beer you want. Now, can I see your d*** ID?”

Customer: “No, you listen to me! I didn’t drive all the way here to be treated like this. Back then, trust was enough to keep things rolling, but now everyone thinks everyone is a liar! This country is a f****** dump! Do I look twelve to you? I’m telling you, I’m 18 and I’m allowed to buy beer, and…” *rants on and on*

Me: “Get out of my store.”

Customer: “Excuse me?!”

Me: “Oh I’m sorry. Where are my manners? Get the f*** out of my store!”

Customer: “I’m never coming here again!”

Me: “Now you’re getting the idea!”