I used to work as an admin for a large company department. I was often tasked with planning events for the team and corporate dinners, especially when we were all sent to Vegas for conventions.

It was the last event I planned as an admin before I went full-time into project management. It was in Vegas like most of the events I planned for my teams. The last night we were there, I planned a big dinner at Il Forniao at New York New York. There were about forty of us including the regional manager (who was my boss) and another manager (who was also my boss). My mom was with me on this trip and came to dinner with us. Much food was eaten, and much booze was imbibed.

One of the PMs decided it would be great to order ouzo for everyone to take a shot of. So, about thirty shots arrived… when there were twenty people left. (Some of the guys had money burning a hole in their pockets and others were going to check out the strip clubs.) There were about eighteen of my team (including both bosses), my mom, and me. Neither my mom nor I drink. But tonight, my mom decided she wanted to try this strange clear liquid with a coffee bean in it. I warned her. On the count of three, everyone bolted the shot (except me, who knows better). My mom took a sip and coughed up a lung. Everyone laughed and handed her glasses of water.

Then, the desserts arrived. Forty desserts. Now ten people. My regional manager left with a few others, and my other boss took off with the rest. Now, it was my mom and me, forty desserts… and the check. Company protocol (like with most companies) dictated that the boss was supposed to sign for it. I was technically the lowest person on the totem pole. I did have the company Amex. My mom (who also isn’t a dessert person) asked them to pack up about ten of the desserts. She was actually a bit drunk. I signed the check and added a tip. (Hey, they did me a solid when I had to tell them to make a meal for a vegetarian and a vegan.)

As my mom and I were leaving, toting a bag full of packaged desserts, we were followed by a crazy happy group of waiters who couldn’t believe I overtipped.

Waiters: “Please, miss, any time, come back! We will be more than happy to serve you! Miss, come back and we will give you a free meal!”

I never got my free meal. My bosses got into huge trouble for letting their admin sign off on a $5,000 meal. And sending in an expense report about it.

My mom? After our meetings were over the next morning, I wandered back to the room to see if my mom wanted to head onto the Strip to check out stuff. She was sitting in bed, eating four desserts, and binge-watching “Charmed.”

Me: “Can I get y’all started on some drinks?”

Customer: “Can I get a virgin screwdriver?”

I laugh, thinking she’s joking.

Me: “One orange juice, gotcha.”

Customer: *Deadly serious* “No. I want a virgin screwdriver.”

Me: “A screwdriver is just vodka and orange juice. Take away the alcohol, and it’s just… well… orange juice.”

Customer: “Are you going to bring me what I ask for,or do I need to get your manager?”

She got her $8.95 OJ!

I am bringing a glass of Moscato and a glass of Chardonnay to a table.

Me: “Here are your wines. This one is the Chardonnay because it’s lighter. Enjoy!”

Before I can walk away, the customer picks up both of them at the same time and shouts at me.

Customer: “Hey! Are you trying to trick us? They weigh the same!”

Customer’s Friend: “Oh, my God, [Customer], he meant the color!”

A customer walks into the repair store and drops off his phone for repair of a cracked screen. He leaves his friend’s phone number to call when it’s ready, signs the work order, and leaves.

About an hour later, the tech calls the phone number provided and leaves a voicemail that the repair is ready for pick-up. At this point, it appears to be a regular transaction.

The customer walks back in after three hours, drunk and mad as h***.

Customer: “Why wasn’t I called on my phone?!”

Tech: *Calm as anything* “We left a message on your friend’s phone because you left your phone for repair.”

The customer looks through his missed messages now that the screen works and declares:

Customer: “Someone has been texting my girlfriend!”

Tech: “We have strict policies against that.”

Then, it gets bizarre. The customer slams his phone down on the counter, smashing the screen, and then rips the phone in two, all the while speaking Russian. This phone is glass, plastic, and metal — pretty tough to break into two pieces.

Customer: “There’s going to be an investigation.”

Our tech pulls a total boss move. He calmly says:

Tech: “You still have to pay for that, and we can have our own investigation.”

He points to the security cameras. Our tech is not a big guy but has nerves of steel. The customer pulls out a credit card, and he processes the transaction. The customer is holding both halves of the phone in one hand.

After the customer leaves, this very nice lady who is waiting for her repair and is trembling asks:

Other Customer: “Should we call the police?”

Tech: “What for? He paid for his repair.”

My office usually goes out for a cheeky pint on Fridays at lunchtime. I’ve been watching my weight and health lately, so while I still join them, I usually get a water or a soda water instead of a pint.

My slightly annoying but harmless boss notices I have only been drinking water.

Boss: “Ugh, [My Name], you used to be more fun when you were drinking.”

Me: “Yes, you used to be more fun when I was drinking, too.”

He did not push me to drink again.