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What Your Broker Does On His Day Off

, , , | Right | February 13, 2008

(Around 11:00 AM, a customer walks into my bookstore.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a good book on financial planning.”

Me: “Well, this book here is very popular.” *pointing to the book on the shelf*

(The customer stares at the shelf, obviously confused.)

Customer: “You are going to have to show me again… I’m too drunk to see.”

And This Was Before He Got Drunk

, , , | Right | February 10, 2008

Customer: *looking directly at the draught* “What have you got on tap?”

Me: “We have Stella, Staropramen, Becks Vier, Leffe, Hoegaarden, Franziskaner and Guiness on tap, sir.”

Customer: *sighs* “Have you got Carling?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir…”

(I run through everything on tap again, slightly slower, and clearer this time.)

Customer: “No Budweiser?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir…”

(Again I list everything on draught.)

Customer: “Oh, I suppose I’ll just have a Kronenberg then.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t stock that product, sir.”

Customer: “Sorry, I meant a Fosters.”

Me: *deep breath* “I apologise once again sir, but we don’t serve Fosters. We only serve…”

(I run through the draught again.)

Customer: “Okay, okay…bloody h***, I’m not stupid you know!”

Me: “I apologize if I offended you, sir.”

Customer: “I should think so. Pint of Worthingtons then.”

Me: “…” *deep breath* “Tom! Your customer!”

You Know You’ve Had Too Much To Drink When…

, , , | Right | January 12, 2008

Customer: “I’ll have a margarita, please.”

(I get a margarita and serve it to the woman.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss? Can I please have another margarita? This one doesn’t have enough quatilia in it.”

Me: “Ma’am, your drink is strong, I can guarantee it.”

Customer: “How do you know there is enough quatilia in this?”

Me: “Because you said, ‘Quatilia.'”

Customer: “Yeah, and?”

Me: “It’s called ‘tequila.'”

(The customer’s face turned a nice shade of crimson.)


This story is part of our Margarita roundup!

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It Tastes (And Flows) Like Water Anyway

, , | Right | January 6, 2008

Me: *to a customer opening the beer cooler* “I’m sorry, but alcohol sales close at midnight.”

Customer: “That’s okay, I’m just getting beer.”

I Got Alky On My Mind

, , | Right | December 4, 2007

(I work at a small, independent coffee shop. You will be surprised how often things like this happen.)

Customer: “Do you sell alcohol?”

Me: “No, we only sell coffee.”

Customer: “But it says shots on the menu.”

Me: “Espresso shots.”

Customer: “What kind of liquor is that?”