(A car drives straight through our drive-thru without stopping at the order box. Keep in mind that we are timed for how fast we get cars through at the window. Once the customer is at the window:)

Customer: “Give me a small black, a turkey club, and two fruit explosion muffins.”

Me: “Certainly. But sir, I will ask that you please place your order at the order box on your future visits. It helps us ensure that you are not waiting in the drive-thru very long, and that we are able to get you through quicker.”

Customer: “That’s okay; I find this way helps you move faster.”

(There’s been a few rounds of restructuring, and the boss is chatting with me to see how I’m adjusting.)

Me: “For the most part, it’s been okay. I’m just a little disappointed. With all my new office duties, I barely get to do any field work anymore.”

Boss: “What’s wrong with that?”

Me: “Well, I love doing field work. I specifically got into this business to do the field work.”

Boss: “Oh.”

Me: “Why? What’s wrong?”

Boss: “Well, I always assumed you hated doing field work. Every step of this restructuring, I’ve been trying to get you back in the office as much as possible.”

(I’m chatting with a coworker about the recent return of the television show, “Agents of SHIELD,” and the newest version of the superhero Ghost Rider. The office car enthusiast hears our discussion, and joins the conversation, mildly offended.)

Car Enthusiast: “Did I hear you say that motorcycles are cooler than muscle cars?”

Me: “No. I said a FLAMING motorcycle being driven by a DEMON with a flaming skull for a head is cooler than a FLAMING muscle car being driven by a DEMON with a flaming skull for a head.”

Car Enthusiast: “Oh.” *backs away slowly*

(Recently, my 18-year-old daughter has been going through some health issues, and her boyfriend has been nothing but accommodating and helpful. My daughter tells me about a recent text conversation:)

Boyfriend: “What are you doing?”

Daughter: “Watching Netflix.”

Boyfriend: “What are you watching?”

Daughter: “Call The Midwife.”

(A few minutes pass, then my daughter receives the following text.)

Boyfriend: “There are about a dozen in the city. Did you have one in mind? What do you need a midwife for? Is it an emergency?”

(It took my daughter a second to realize he actually thought she was telling him to call a midwife [no, she’s not pregnant], and not just watching a television show with that name. Once she stopped laughing, she explained about the show, and what a midwife is actually for [he didn’t know]. It’s funny, but it just shows what a nice boyfriend he is.)

(I am trying to get to Calgary for Christmas. Unfortunately, a snowstorm shuts down my local airport on the afternoon of December 21 before I can fly out, and I wind up spending the night on a bench. There are no more seats available to Calgary before the 25th, so I take a flight to Edmonton on the 24th, reasoning that one way or another, I can get to Calgary from there. The following takes place while I am waiting at a boarding gate in Edmonton to exchange my stand-by ticket for a boarding pass. The flight is maybe 20 minutes behind schedule.)

Teenage Girl: *haranguing the airline employee about the flight being late and not being allowed to smoke in the airport* “I’ve been waiting for TWO HOURS…”

Me: *interrupting* “I’ve been trying to get to Calgary since Sunday.”

Teenage Girl: *spins around and gapes at me* “What?”

Me: *briefly explains*

Teenage Girl: “You need to complain more! I’d have been in their face…”

Me: *interrupting* “Some guy tried that. He got tasered and arrested.”

Teenage Girl: *shuts up and goes back to the lounge*

Airline Employee: “Thanks!”