Unique For How Bad It Is

, , , | Working | April 16, 2018

(I am a reporter at a local newspaper. Twice a month, I write a business feature, which showcases a local business. I go in to interview the owner of a sandwich and smoothie shop.)

Me: “There are a lot of cafes like this out there these days. What makes yours unique?”

Business Owner: “Hm. I don’t know. I should probably think of that, hey?”

(I was less than impressed with the whole interview. I didn’t even write the story. He never called to ask why.)

If The Shoe Fits

, , , , | Right | April 15, 2018

(I get this call at my office.)

Customer: “I love your company’s sandals, but I hurt myself while hiking!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that!”

Customer: “They really need to have more protection for the foot. My feet got all cut up on the rocks!”

Me: “Ah. Well, for hiking on rough terrain, sandals might not be your best bet. We have some hiking shoes and boots that might work better for you.”

Customer: “No, I prefer to wear sandals; they’re much more comfortable. I just wish they had something on top to protect my feet.”

Me: “Um, I really think a pair of shoes might be the way to go here.”

Customer: “No, you’re not listening. I want a pair of sandals with an upper to protect my feet!”

Me: “Uh… I’ll pass it along to the design team.”

Not A Very A Bald Statement

, , , , | Related | April 10, 2018

(A week ago, my son and I shaved our heads bald for cancer research fundraising. Tonight, my husband, son, and I go grocery shopping.)

Husband: “Do either of you need shampoo?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I don’t think so, hon.”

Husband: *quiet for a moment* “Body wash, then?”

Strawberry Fields, Not Quite Foreve

, , , , , | Working | April 5, 2018

(My husband and I are shopping at a grocery store bakery, and we decide to pick up a cake. There’s a really nice-looking layer cake decorated with whole strawberries, but on closer inspection we see mold on most of the berries. We decide to pick it up and bring it to the counter to let them know.)

Me: “Hey, I just thought you should know this cake has mold on it; you might want to take it off the display so no one buys it.”

Bakery Employee: *looks at the cake* “The ‘best before’ date is not for another three days; it’s fine.”

Me: “Oh, but did you look at the top? There’s mold all over the strawberries.”

Bakery Employee: “Well, the cake’s not expired, so it has to go back on the shelf.”

Husband: “But it’s covered in mold; it really isn’t good for anyone to eat that.”

Bakery Employee: “Well, don’t buy it, then. We’ll take it off the shelf in three days when it’s expired.”

Me: “Why would you leave it on the shelf? What if someone else doesn’t see the mold and buys it? You need to take this to the back and throw it out.” *we hand her the cake and walk away*

Bakery Employee: *calling out after us* “But it’s not expired yet!”

Upselling Is Their Downfall

, , , , , | Working | March 29, 2018

(I get a call from my husband saying that we will have a friend from out of town staying over for a weekend. We have just moved into a new house and do not have furniture for the guest bedroom yet. I head down to a furniture store to purchase a bedroom set. Immediately after I enter, a salesman approaches me and asks what I’m looking for. This particular company’s employees work on commission, so it’s not unusual.)

Me: “We have guests coming in two days and I need a full bedroom set: queen-sized bed frame, mattress, dresser, nightstand, etc. Bedding would be great, too, so I don’t have to visit another store!”

Salesman: “Perfect, anything particular in mind?”

Me: “Well, since it’s for a guest room, I’d like to stay on the cheaper side. It may only be used once or twice in the next year.”

Salesman: “Okay, great. Over here, we have our [Fancy Descriptive Name #1] set; it includes a dresser, armoire, king-sized headboard and footboard, frame, and two nightstands. It comes in dark wood or white. Which color would you prefer?”

(I look over at the set he is referencing, and the price tag is well over $8,000 — without the mattress!)

Me: “I’m sorry, but as I said, it’s for a guest room, and I want to stay on the cheaper side. I’m pretty sure this is the most expensive set in here, and, as I said, I need a queen-sized set. King would be too wide for the room with the dresser.”

Salesman: “No worries! I also have this [Fancy Descriptive Name #2] set that comes with a dresser, double headboard and footboard, frame, and one nightstand. This one is only available in light-wood, but it’s a great set and sure to brighten up the dull house.”

(Not once have I described my home to him, and as a matter of fact, it is a gorgeous house with oak trim and moulding, Berber carpets, hardwood, and slate tile. The price tag on the second set is $3,500.)

Me: “Okay… So, again, I need queen-sized, and on the cheaper end. It doesn’t have to be solid wood. I’m fine with an MDF (Medium Density Fiberboard) set. I’d like to stay under $1,500.”

Salesman: “I don’t think I can work with that budget and get you something nice. How about this?”

(He shows me a single bed with an ornate canopy frame and marble-embedded dresser trim.)

Me: “Thanks for your time.”

(I start walking away but spot the perfect set tucked away in a corner. Clearance pricing, queen-sized bed, dresser, and nightstand. It’s very close to my total budget, as I’d need a mattress still, but looks to be well worth the price.)

Salesman: “Ah, that set is on clearance due to being the floor display. You don’t want that; it’ll look cheap.”

Me: “I’ll take it. What is the cheapest mattress you have?”

Salesman: “No, really. You don’t want that set, unless you can’t afford something nicer.”

Me: “Thanks for your opinion, but I’d like this one. Again, what’s your cheapest mattress?”

Salesman: “If you insist! Our [fancy memory foam pillow top mattress] is on sale right now, for only $1,199!”

Me: “I’ll look myself, thanks. Ring me up for the bedroom set and I’ll let you know which mattress I decide on.”

(I find a good quality mattress on sale for only a couple hundred dollars, and it seems to be the cheapest one. I return to the salesman, who is watching me like a hawk, and point to the one I want. He tries to upsell some more, but finally understands I’ll have none of it. We are completing the order on the till and he gives me my total, several thousand dollars higher than my math says it should be.)

Me: “Uh, why is the price so high? It should be $3,200 less than that.”

Salesman: “Oh, I figured you’d rather have a brand new bedroom set instead of the floor model, and I added a [slightly higher quality, but double the price] mattress, instead, and gave you 10% off.”

Me: “I want the items I picked out. That’s all I’ll pay for. Is there a manager around?”

Salesman: “I’m the manager on duty, currently! So, debit or credit? If you put it on your [Store] credit card, you don’t have to pay for a whole year, or you can finance it over three years and get the nicer set I know you want but can’t afford! I know it’s tough right now, but financing is the best way to get nice things. Wouldn’t want your guests thinking you’re poor, huh?” *snickers*

(I’m now in total shock and disgust, but noticing the time, I realize that every other furniture store is already closed, and I live 45 minutes away.)

Me: “Okay. Here’s what’s going to happen. Either you can shut your mouth and sell me what I asked for, and stop insulting me, or you can get another salesperson to serve me and get the commission. Your choice.”

Salesman: “All I was saying is—”

Me: “THANK YOU!”

(I walk away and find another salesperson, a woman, standing by the door. I explain what I need, show her what I want, and she rings me up.)

Saleswoman: “Great! Will that be on your [Store] credit card?”

Me: “No, and not interested. I think this will be the last time I shop here.”

Saleswoman: “I’m sorry to hear that. I put a 10% off coupon on your entire purchase for the hassle. The total is [amount less than I anticipated].”

Me: “Great. Debit, please.”

(I slide my card into the reader. The saleswoman starts a little spiel and mentions that my order will be ready to be picked up on the following Monday.)

Me: “Wait, what? I need it for this weekend. Now. It’s Thursday night; my guests arrive tomorrow afternoon. I have my truck, and my dad is bringing another from [Town an hour away] right now. He’s almost here! Everything I want is sitting right there; that mattress is in stock!”

Saleswoman: “Actually, that mattress is sold to another customer and awaiting pickup on [date two weeks from today]. We would have to bring you one from the warehouse, and it will get here on Monday.”

Me: “Can’t you sell me that one, and keep the other for the other customer? That’s two weeks away; that’s plenty of time.”

Saleswoman: “I’m sorry, no. I can’t do that. That’s the last one we have, and the warehouse is out.”

Me: “WHAT AM I PAYING FOR, THEN? You know what? Never mind. Forget it. I’m done.”

(I walked out, and both salespeople stood there looking confused as to why I was so mad. I checked the local classifieds on my phone and found the EXACT set in great shape, with a brand new mattress, for $500. The best part? The seller lived five doors down from me.)

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