Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 11

, , , , , | Working | June 15, 2018

(I recently got a new car insurance policy, and a month later, my husband’s car insurance is also up for renewal. As we weren’t married when we renewed our car insurance last year, my husband tells me I should cancel my new insurance and go on his plan to save money, which I agree with. But now I am a little concerned, as I don’t know what the cancellation policy is for my insurance. I have a conversation with the company.)

Insurance Agent: “There is no cancellation fee, but there is a charge, based on how long you have been on the policy and [a few other factors].”

Me: “Okay, so could you tell me what the charge would be, then?”

Insurance Agent: “Unfortunately, I am not able to do that. Because you haven’t been with us for long, I would recommend that you wait to cancel until your renewal date.”

Me: “So, there is no way to tell how much I would pay to cancel?”

Insurance Agent: “I couldn’t tell you that until you cancelled. I understand this is a little confusing.”

Me: “Confusing?! This is aggravating and makes absolutely no sense at all!”

(Fed up, I said goodbye and called my husband to tell him about the conversation. He was very confused and encouraged me to call back to see if I could get a clearer answer with another agent, but I was at work and had already wasted enough time with the call. A very short time later, my husband called me back, and told me he called the insurance company himself, and they gave him an answer right away, saying that I would either be getting back or paying between $5 to $20. I was baffled. If this other agent didn’t know, she should have asked someone! I couldn’t believe she told my husband literally the exact opposite thing that I had been told. I am now on my husband’s plan and we are saving approximately $800 a year on insurance.)

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 10
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 9
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 8

Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Cinnamon!

, , , , , | Working | June 13, 2018

(I have worked at this restaurant since it opened. It is a mom-and-pop-style place, not a chain, and therefore we have some items not commonly seen. A gentleman and his wife come in for dinner and peruse the menu for a while, then call me over.)

Me: “Do you have any questions, or are you all decided?”

Woman: “I’ll have the fish and chips.”

Man: “I’m curious about this pork chop dinner. Apples and blueberries?”

Me: “Yes! It’s actually quite delicious. It is a bone-in chop, 1.5 inches thick, and is stuffed with apples coated in a cinnamon glaze. Once cooked, we top it with a house-made blueberry sauce.”

Man: “Hmm. Sounds interesting, but pretty weird. I’m not sure if I’d spend $30 on it.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you’d like to try it, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. If you don’t, I’ll comp the dish for you and get you another meal! I’m positive you’ll love it.”

Man: “Can’t say no to that deal! Sure, I’ll take one.”

(The couple eat their food and rave non-stop. They become regulars, and the man has the pork chop once a week for the next four months! I tell my manager about this, and he scoffs.)

Boss: “Yeah, who cares. Don’t be giving food away; that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

(Some months later, a woman comes in from out of town for a bite to eat on her road trip. She’s scanning the menu.)

Woman: “I can’t seem to find anything I think I’d like… Can you do the pork chop without the apples and blueberries?”

Me: “Well, our chef prepares the chops fresh every morning once they’re delivered, so, unfortunately, all the chops are stuffed already. I can hold the blueberry sauce, though!”

Woman: “I’m just not sure I’d like that.”

Me: “Well, if you—”

Boss: “Let me tell you a story! When we first opened…”

(He rattles off my entire story about the previously mentioned couple, then finishes with:)

Boss: “—and so I told him I’d pay for his entire bill if he didn’t like it! I do that with all my customers and haven’t ever had to yet. That’s why people love this place so much; my service is always above and beyond. I’ll get your bill for you if you aren’t satisfied.”

(I’m standing there this entire time, absolutely flabbergasted and appalled at what I just heard.)

Woman: “Sure, I’ll have one. With the sauce! Also a glass of [Expensive Top-Shelf Red Wine] with it, and [Top-Shelf Cocktail] for now.”

(Her food arrives and she takes a bite, immediately spitting it out and letting out an, “EEEUGH!”)

Boss: “What’s wrong?”

Woman: “I didn’t know this had cinnamon in it; I hate cinnamon… I’ll just go to [Fast Food Joint] across the road… Blegh!”

(She started to leave, when my boss stopped and asked her to pay for her drinks. She reminded him of what he had said, and looked confused. He had no choice but to let her know it was covered… out of his own pocket! Karma bites!)

He’s Not Worth Mar-Greeting

, , , , , | Right | June 13, 2018

(I am waiting for my tea latte to be done when a rude man comes, orders, and then takes other people’s drinks, one being mine.)

Man: “Miss! You put the wrong name down. My name isn’t Moorgreat.”

(Yeah, he pronounced my name wrong.)

Barista: “Sir, that’s probably because you grabbed the wro—”

Man: “No, I did not grab the wrong one! You just spelled my name wrong! I want your manager! This is third time you have made a mistake!”

(I have now gotten next to him and grabbed my drink from his hand.)

Me: “It’s pronounced ‘Mar-Greet.’ This is my drink. Yours are over there, getting cold.”

(The man was speechless and looked around to the glaring people, and then he took his drinks and left. Everyone got their right drinks and I bought a muffin for the barista.)

Try Walking A Mile In Another Wizard’s Shoes

, , , , , | Learning | June 11, 2018

(A third-grade student can’t find her shoe at the end of the day. I give her a couple of suggestions of places to check for it.)

Student #1: “Miss [Teacher], I still can’t find it.”

Me: “Sorry, [Student #1], I don’t know what else to suggest. My shoe-finding spell doesn’t work very well.”

Student #1: “What do you mean?”

Me: *waving my pen as if it were a wand* “Oh, you know— Accio shoe!

Student #2: *from under a desk across the room* “Here it is!”

Student #1: *in awe* “It worked!”

Suffering From A Grain Brain

, , , | | Right | June 6, 2018

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant that serves a wide variety of sandwiches and paninis as part of their lunch menu. This occurs when I am taking orders in the drive-thru.)

Me: “Good afternoon and welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a…” *reads* “…turkey chi-pot-el pa-nai-nai?”

Me: *realizing he means a turkey chipotle panini* “Okay, and did you want that on white bread or multigrain?”

Customer: “I’ll get it on mult-ai-grain, please.”

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