(A man was picking up an order in our bakery department and claimed to have paid for it already.)
Me: Make sure to show your receipt to Customer Service before you leave.
Customer: I don’t have a receipt.
Me: …You need one to take your order out of the store. Without it, there’s no proof you paid.
Customer: But I paid for it! I’m not going to pay for it again.
Me: I don’t know what to tell you. We can’t let you leave without proof of purchase.
(He then threw a fit worthy of a toddler while I tried to explain shoplifting to him. Eventually he left without his order.)

I work at a coffee shop in a mall. My boss is a little strange, and I have had a few odd instances with her. Once, she got angry with me for not attending a coffee shop employee barbecue get-together, because I was busy attending an activity that would further my career. Another time, she told people they could not quit at a certain time, because she was heading on a long vacation and wouldn’t be able to go if someone quit, as she would have to hire someone else and train them.

One evening, about 45 minutes before closing, my coworker and I have started to do closing duties. I rearrange a couple of the coffee pots to the spots they will need to be in the following morning, which doesn’t affect us being able to pour coffee or the customers being able to see it or anything.

No sooner than I’d done that, the phone rang. It was my boss — who, mind you, was at home at this point — asking me why I moved the coffee pots, and saying that I shouldn’t move them until we were officially closed for the night! Not only was the request a little nitpicky, but the worst part was that she was watching us on the mall security cameras!

(My sister and I go to junior high fairly near our mother’s place of work, so she will sometimes drive us in and take us to the food court in her building to buy us lunch at the sandwich shop there. My sister and I have very similar tastes and always know what we want. One day when we go in, the one employee on the sandwich line that morning is looking rather haggard while trying to sort out what the customer ahead of us wants.)

Customer: “What’s on the ham sandwich?”

Employee: “Ham, sir.”

Customer: “Yes, but what else? No butter or veggies or anything?”

Employee: “You can choose any of the veggies in the display here to put on it. We can also add butter, mustard, and mayo if you like.”

Customer: “No, I don’t like mayo. What’s on the tuna salad sandwich?”

Employee: “Tuna salad, sir.”

Customer: “Does it have mayo, too?”

Employee: *sighing* “Only if you want it to, sir.”

(This continues for several minutes until the man finally manages to place an order. He takes his food over to the cashier, and the sandwich lady, who is familiar with us by this point, smiles as we approach the counter.)

Employee: “What sandwich would you like today, girls?”

Me/Sister: *in unison* “Egg salad, please.”

Employee: “White or brown?”

Me/Sister: *unison* “White, please.”

Employee: *laying out bread for both sandwiches* “Butter, mustard, mayo?”

Me/Sister: *unison* “Butter and mayo, please.”

(The customer at the till, who had been rummaging through his wallet for change, has stopped to watch this exchange.)

Customer: “Oh, now, that’s just showing off!”

(I am in line at the local hardware store behind an older, very traditional man. The cashier is a young girl who has worked there for a few years and has quite a few facial piercings, some visible tattoos, and brightly-coloured hair. She’s always extremely polite and cheerful whenever I’m there. I noticed the man very harshly looking at her appearance.)

Cashier: “Is that all, sir?”

Customer: “What’s with all that crap in your face and on your arms?”

Cashier: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “All that metal in your face. Why? You’re kind of pretty to begin with, but that does nothing for your looks. It makes you look so ugly.”

(I can tell the cashier is getting quite uncomfortable and trying to hurry the customer out.)

Customer: “Do your parents let you do that? If so, there’s something wrong with them. And your boss should never have hired you. You look so uneducated and stupid; you’ll probably be working a crappy job like this forever. It’s obvious you never finished high school and aren’t going anywhere with your life. Do you have a boyfriend? There’s probably something wrong with him, too. I mean, you look so slutty.”

(By this time, her manager and a couple other employees have come up behind the customer, just listening to what he is saying. He doesn’t notice they are there.)

Customer: “Oh, and—”

(She cuts him off.)

Cashier: “You know, sir, there’s a little saying my mom taught me that goes, ‘If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’ I’ll have you know I’ve worked this job for over three years and have never had a problem with my appearance. Luckily, I have a job that lets me express myself. And, for your information, I had straight As in high school, play five different instruments, speak three languages, and have been accepted to university overseas. Furthermore, sir, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my family or my boyfriend. They respect me for having enough courage to be the kind of person I want to be. Now, if you have nothing nice to say, please leave.”

Customer: *furious* “You little b****. I’m going to report you to your manager!”

Manager: “No need. I saw the whole thing.”

Customer: “Good! Then you’ll fire her right away.”

Manager: “Sir, I assure you she’ll receive a fitting consequence. Now, as for you, you are now banned from this store, am I clear? We will not tolerate the harassment of our employees. Have a nice day.”

(The man stormed out of the store, yelling all kinds of curses at the employees. He was so mad, he even forgot the items he paid for.)

Customer: I’d like to return this angel food cake. It’s all moldy.
Me: Sir, the tag says you bought this six months ago. Of course it’s moldy.
Customer: Oh well, it was worth a shot.