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Good Thing For The Eardrum Because It’s All Clear After That

, , , , | Healthy | April 2, 2022

This story was told to me by my partner, who works as a medical assistant at a walk-in clinic.

A patient has come in for an ear-syringing (flushing with warm water) because her ears are blocked. My partner gives her a little cup to hold under the affected ear to catch the water that comes out. 

Suddenly, the patient has a question.

Patient: “Wait. Shouldn’t I be holding this under the other ear?”

Medical Assistant: *Pauses* “No?” 

Patient: “Well, isn’t the water going to go through to the other side?”  

My partner responds after a lengthy pause, dying inside.

Medical Assistant: “No, ma’am. The eardrum will block it and it will come back out the same ear.”

Patient: *Suddenly embarrassed* “Oh, right.”

She stayed quiet for the rest of the procedure. I’m sure it was just a “duh” moment but it makes for a great story!

Client Versus The Google

, , , , , , , , | Right | March 28, 2022

I have a client who has been routinely getting mad at me for not doing various things that she never asked me to do (i.e., duplicate part of my website on her new site, despite never even mentioning my website to me or mentioning this design element during the consultation, or the wireframing, or the full creative, or even within two months of completing her site).

The worst part, though, was when she refused to take my advice on SEO (Search Engine Optimization) best practices such as blogging and regular website updates and wouldn’t take out any Google ads, but got furious with me that her page doesn’t appear above companies like Home Depot and Amazon. She wants her little local company to appear above multi-billion-dollar companies on Google. For free.

This same client has asked me, on six different occasions, to fix the Google “website” link for her Google account. It links to the Contact page rather than the home page. I have responded each time saying that this is her Google account, not the website, so she will need to be the one who handles it. Two weeks later, she will text me and ask me why I haven’t fixed it yet. I reply that it’s not something I can fix; it is only fixable through her business’s Google account. And then she doesn’t reply again… until three or four weeks later when she emails me asking why this hasn’t been fixed yet. I don’t know; here is a website that has step-by-step instructions for you to fix it. Three weeks later, same question. It’s like if she doesn’t like a response, she just pretends it doesn’t exist.

From now on, if I hear from her again on the issue, I will not be responding.

Hope It’s A Straight Line To Wherever He’s Going

, , , | Right | March 23, 2022

Old Man: “Where’s the parking?”

I indicate to his right.

Me: “Right over there.”

He keeps staring straight ahead.

Old Man: *Sternly* “I’m not at liberty to look around.”

I blankly stared, wondering why he was driving on the road at all if he couldn’t shoulder check.

Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 10

, , , , , | Right | March 11, 2022

I work in customer service in baggage for an airline, and it’s always an interesting job, filled with lots of interesting people.

A man comes up to my counter and just stares at me blankly for a few seconds.

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I assist you today?”

The man continues staring. I pause for ten or fifteen seconds wondering if he’s going to speak and then waving at him in case he’s hard of hearing.

Me: *Speaking slowly* “Hello. May I help you?”

He seems to snap out of whatever he’s doing, slaps his baggage tag onto my counter, and gestures aggressively for me to hurry up.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m unclear about how I can help. Are you missing your bag? Did you miss your flight? Are you looking for something else?”

Passenger: *Snapping* “WHERE THE F*** IS MY BAG?!”

Me: “Okay, sir, I’m happy to look into that for you, but please refrain from using foul language here.”

I start pulling up the information about his bag and notice that he is flying out from my airport, instead of arriving from another city. This could mean that he either missed his flight or that he was denied boarding. Depending on which reason it was, and depending on how long the agent at the gate had to be able to action this for the guest, the bag may or may not have been pulled from the aircraft it was scheduled to go on.

Me: “Okay, sir, it looks like that flight just left. Did the gate agent send you down? Did they happen to mention if they were pulling your bags?”

The man just shrugs and doesn’t answer me.

Since I apparently have to play detective, I pull up his reservation in the ticket system — this takes about a full minute, which is why I didn’t do it automatically — to see if the agent at the gate has written anything. Sure enough, there is a note.

Note: “Guest didn’t bring ID. I denied boarding as per TSA rules, but guest would not give me his boarding pass or tell me his name so I could find his name to remove him off the flight. As such, I had to waste a few minutes narrowing down who had a seat but wasn’t scanned in. When I called him by his name, he confirmed it was him, and when I asked him why he had made that so difficult, he told me that if I was going to be a d**k to him for denying him the flight, then he would be a d**k, too. Flight was delayed out of the gate for seven minutes due to guest.”

Now recognizing who I am dealing with, I manage to confirm that his bag did not get removed.

Me: “Sir, are you still intending to fly to [Destination]?”

Passenger: “WHERE THE F*** IS MY BAG? Why does it matter if I’m still flying to [Destination]?! You people had better find me my f****** bag!”

Me: *Tired of his attitude* “Sir, because you didn’t bring ID with you, you were not allowed to board your flight. If that agent had let you on, she could have been fined. On top of that, because we didn’t have enough notice that you hadn’t brought your ID, your bag is on its way to [Destination]. I’m trying to help you, but I can’t do that when you’re being difficult. If you’re going to [Detination] at a later time today, I can get them to hold your bag for pickup. Otherwise, I can get it sent back here, but it won’t be here until tonight. What would you like me to do?”

The man looks at me, looks at my coworker (who has stopped what he was doing upon my outburst), and looks back at me.

Passenger: *Sheepishly* ” I’d like to pick it up in [Destination]. Is there another flight today?”

Me: “Yes, there are two more flights today. You’ll need to rebook upstairs at the check in counters as I’m only baggage. The next flight is in four hours. Is that enough time for you to get your ID?”

Passenger: *Quietly* “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, pop upstairs to the check-in counters to get the new flight information, and I’ll send the messages to the other airport to hold onto the bag and you can pick it up when you arrive. Remember to be nice to the people who are trying to help you!”

The man slowly walks away shaking his head.

Coworker: “Holy s***. Remind me not to poke Mama Bear in the future.”

Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 9
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 8
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 7
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 6
Has Some Serious Bag Baggage, Part 5

At Least They Care About Dental Hygiene?

, , , , , | Legal | March 4, 2022

I’m a shift lead at a local discount retailer, getting ready to close for the night.

I get a call to cash for a void. As I’m arriving, my cashier indicates her suspicion that the customer has filled her bag with unpaid merchandise, while the customer is suspiciously closing her bulging bag.

The customer begins telling me what items she wants removed from her transaction, my cashier politely asks her if there’s anything else in her bag she wants to pay for. The customer puts an abashed look on her face and sheepishly pulls out a tube of toothpaste.

Me: “As you’ve already admitted to attempting to steal this, I’m going to have to ask to check your bag for other merchandise.”

Shoplifter: “Rude!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but again, you’ve already admitted to attempting to steal someth—”

Shoplifter: *Cutting me off* “IT’S JUST TOOTHPASTE!”

Me: “It’s still theft.”


I come around the counter to block the door. The shoplifter comes closer but doesn’t try leaving yet.

Me: “It’s still theft. I’m going to need to check your bag for our own peace of mind that nothing else is being stolen. If everything is on the up and up, this should be no problem.”

The shoplifter partially opens her bag to sneak another item out in an attempt to satisfy me, but I can see multiple products peeking out.

Me: “Nuh-uh, no, these are all ours.”

I proceed to pull all the hidden, unpaid items from the bag, leaving a few items of trash at the bottom.

Me: “You are now banned. Please leave and don’t come back.”

Shoplifter: “Good! I’m never coming back!”

Me: “Good thing, ‘cause next time I see you here, you’ll be charged with trespassing!” *Turning to the next customer* “Hi, how can I help you?”

Just another day at the office.