A Parking Spot Of Bother

, , , , , | Friendly | July 18, 2018

(This story takes place barely a month after my husband and I returned from our honeymoon and began living together for the first time. My husband is preparing to lead a soccer tour to an African country, taking along a couple dozen students. Understandably, it has been a busy time, and he is dealing with the final preparations. On Friday, the evening before he is set to leave, he gets home from work and decides he wants to park his car in the stall we get at our condo complex, instead of leaving his car on the street for two weeks. Unfortunately, there is someone parked in our stall, and my husband says he’s noticed the same vehicle there before. Slightly stressed with everything that is going on, my husband panics, and sees a sign in the parking lot with a number to call if there are any problems. He calls, and a tow truck comes and tows the car away. Soon after, we get a knock on our door.)

Dude: “Hey, did you get my car towed?”

Husband: “Yeah, you were parked in our stall. Sorry about that.”

Dude: “That was a jerk move. You could have just left a note on my windshield!”

Husband: “I’m sorry about that. I just have a lot going on right now, and I didn’t know what to do. I’m really sorry.”

(Our neighbour gives him a few more choice words after that, says something about living next door to a condo board member and them saying it was okay to park in our spot, and storms off. My husband and I leave the condo for an hour or two afterwards, and as soon as we return, there is another knock on the door.)

Dude: “Hey, it’s going to cost $450 to get my car back.”

Husband: “I’m really sorry.”

(They went back and forth a few more times, the guy getting progressively angrier. The conversation finished with the guy threatening to take us to small claims court. Yeah. Small court claims because he was parking in OUR parking spot — aka stealing. I ended up calling the condo management company and speaking to one of the administrative ladies to explain the situation, just in case he called. As I was finishing my story, I’m pretty sure I could hear her softly chuckling. She ended up calling me a few days later and said she spoke with the person in question, that he was in the wrong, and that the situation was resolved. My husband definitely regrets calling the number, as leaving a note would have been nicer, but at the same time, the guy didn’t have any leg to stand on. He didn’t park in our spot again and my husband saw him only once more after that. It was late at night, around the parking lot, and my husband thinks he was drunk. He said something along the lines of, “That spot good enough for you?”)

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Unfiltered Story #116474

, , | Unfiltered | July 14, 2018

(My boyfriend and I are working from home. I have been trying to hurry him
up so we can go shower together. At this point, I’m lying on the couch, he’s
sitting on top of me, his laptop on the armrest of the couch.)

*Boyfriend grabs my boob*
Me: “What, forgot your mouse?”
*Boyfriend ‘moves’ and then triple taps my boob*
Boyfriend: “Select line! Select! This mouse is faulty.”
Me: “Have you heard of Not Always Romantic.com?”
Boyfriend: “No?”
Me: “You’re about to become internet famous.”

They’re Not In The Upper Percentile

, , , , | Learning | July 13, 2018

(I taught university courses but finally retired because the students seemed less and less prepared for university. Each year, the standards went down. One of the final straws that convinced me I was wasting my time was the following conversation:)

Student: “Professor, can you tell me my mark for the semester?”

Me: “Your final mark is 46 percent.”

Student: “Oh, out of what?”

Get One Free And That’s It

, , , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

(We are having a sale at our store; it is a buy-one-get-one-free event. Because we know that customers don’t read the fine print on a sale sign, we make sure to keep all of the text the same size. It has eliminated a lot of confusion, but we still get customers that see “free” and want the advertised BOGO item for free.)

Customer: *comes up to the till to buy the item*

Me: *scans the item* “Your total today is [total]. We are having a BOGO promotion; would you like a second one for free today?”

Customer: “No, that’s not right; the sign outside said, ‘free.’”

Me: “Actually, the sign says, ‘Buy one get one free.’ This item isn’t free, but if you wanted to grab a second one, then that one would be free.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! You’re giving me this item, and I’m leaving with it free of charge. This is false advertising!”

(The customer goes to grab the product, but before they can, I snatch it and put it behind the counter.)

Me: “It says right on the sign, ‘buy one get one free,’ clear as day!”

(I gesture over to the “buy one get one” sign that is at our till on one of our other products.)

Me: “The font is all the same. It is not false advertising, and I am not giving you a free item just because you can’t read. I am sorry, but I am going to have to ask you to leave for attempted theft.”

(The customer leaves, and after my shift is over I go home. When I come in to work the next day, the same customer is talking with my manager.)

Manager: “[My Name], we need to talk. Did you refuse to sell this customer the BOGO item, then proceed to call them a ‘d****e-knuckle’?”

Me: “Absolutely not. They came up with one item. I told them it was a BOGO item and asked if they wanted to grab a second one to get the second one free. They told me I would give them the item for free because of false advertising, and they went to go grab the item. I snatched it before they could grab it, and I then asked them to leave because they attempted to steal product from us.”

Customer: “That’s not true, and you know it! You called me a vulgar name, and I want compensation for it!”

Manager: “I would be happy to compensate you for any troubles, but first I want to know who is telling the truth. I’m going to review the video and audio footage from our cameras in this store. I’ll be just a moment.”

(The manager walks into the back room, and as soon as he does, the customer gives me a panicked look.)

Customer: “I… uh… I have other shopping to do. I’ll be back.”

(The customer leaves the store, and a few minutes after my manager comes back to talk to me.)

Manager: “I saw the footage; you’re off the hook, I called security on that lady, and apparently numerous stores have complained about them doing the exact same thing. If you see them, call security, because they’re not allowed in this mall ever again.”

(A few weeks later, they tried pulling the same thing on a shoe store. Security was called, and they were escorted from the mall and banned.)

Purveyors Of The Night Market

, , , , , , | Legal | July 9, 2018

(I am the night audit supervisor on a quiet night at a four-and-a-half star hotel when I get a call from one of the guests, a pilot with the British Royal Air Force.)

Me: “Good evening, front desk. How may I help you?”

Pilot: “Yeah, I want this girl out of my room.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir? Did someone get into your room?”

Pilot: “She’s in the bathroom; I want her out.”

Me: “Is this woman a guest of yours?”

Pilot: “Well… Yeah, but she won’t come out!”

Me: *rolling my eyes, guessing what type of “woman” is in his bathroom* “Okay, sir, I can ask security to come by and help you to convince her to come out.”

Pilot: “Yeah, okay… but what about my money?”

(I hesitate, as my first instinct is that the guest is asking us to refund his room for the inconvenience, but he cuts me off before I can say a word.)

Pilot: “She’s got my money.”

Me: “The woman in the bathroom, sir?

Pilot: “Yeah, I want my money back.”

(I am smirking silently to myself for having confirmation of the type of “woman” who is in his bathroom. I have a bit of a discussion, back and forth, with the guest, explaining that while security might help convince the woman to come out of the bathroom and leave, he cannot force her to return the money. The pilot then decides to call the police and hangs up. I shake my head to myself, fully knowing what the cops will do. After a while, two police officers get to the hotel and I escort them to the pilot’s room. The female officer walks in very slowly, comes around the corner from the entrance, and sees the woman — who has come out of the bathroom in the meantime — in the corner of the room. She smiles, points to the woman and joyfully shouts out:)

Policewoman: “CINDY!”

(The pilot’s jaw must have been going at Mach-3 as it dropped to the floor from realizing that the cops, of course, would not force a prostitute to return money she got in an illegal transaction with a mark.)

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