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No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2010

(I am talking to a woman on the phone who needs to call back the next day. She is in Texas).

Caller: “What time is it there?”

Me: “Three-thirty.”

Caller: “In the morning?”

Me: “No, in the afternoon.”

Caller: “Oh. Of what day?”

Me: “Saturday. We’re only three hours different from you.”

Caller: “Really?” *pause* “Is it snowing?”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s August. It’s nice and sunny out.”

Caller: “Oh, wow!”

Testing Plugs And Patience

, , , | Right | September 10, 2010

(Several of our customers recently experienced an Internet outage and needed to reset their equipment to get back online.)

Me: “You’ll just need to unplug your modem, wait a few seconds, plug it back in, and then wait for all the lights to come on. Once they’re all on, you’ll be back online. If that doesn’t work, call me back.”

Customer: “Okay, that sounds simple enough.”

(A few minutes later…)

Customer: “I just spoke with you. It’s still not working!”

Me: “I apologize, let’s take a look. Have you reset the modem already?”

Customer: “Yes! I need you to fix this. I need the Internet now!”

Me: “Of course. Are all the lights on the modem lit up?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “How long ago did you reset your modem, ma’am?”

Customer: “Just now, after I called you back!”

(As we’re speaking, I see that her connection has re-established.)

Me: “I’m showing you’re online now. Are all the lights back on your modem?”

Customer: “Oh… that’s what you meant by waiting.”


This story is part of the More-Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

Read the next More-Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup story!

Read the More-Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

Best Oosik To What You Know

, , , , , , , | Right | August 31, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, what is this?”

Me: “That’s an ‘oosik.’”

Customer: “What’s it made of?”

Me: “It’s umm… the lower anatomy of a walrus.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s a part of a male walrus.”

Customer: “What part?”

Me: “It’s a petrified walrus penis.”

(The customer laughs and runs over to his wife. They talk in their language for a bit then he drags her over by the arm, still giggling.)

Customer: “Tell her what it is!”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again

, , , , , | Right | August 27, 2010

Customer: “I came in here yesterday and ordered a chai tea and you guys gave me a mocha. That was not what I ordered!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I apologize if somehow they got messed up.”

Customer: “Well, I want some sort of gift card or compensation. I am allergic to caffeine. It could have killed me!”

Me: “You are allergic to caffeine but you ordered a chai tea? You do realize that chai is a black tea and highly caffeinated, right?”

Customer: “I meant chocolate. I am allergic to chocolate!”

(I look down at two chocolate bars in her hand.)

Me: “Really?”

Customer: “Oh, f*** you!”


This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health!

Read the next story in this roundup here!

Read the roundup itself here!

A Mammoth Mistake

, , , , , , | Right | August 3, 2010

(The gift shop I work in has many ivory jewelry and sculpture pieces. The ivory is from woolly mammoths that used to roam Alaska.)

Customer: “Where does the woolly mammoth ivory come from?”

Me: “The tusks are collected on the northern tundra by Alaskan Natives. The Natives carve the ivory and then sell it to us.”

Customer: “I think it’s so great that people aren’t allowed to hunt the mammoths anymore! I hate hunters!”