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You Couldn’t Service-Write This Even If You Tried

, , , | Right | September 12, 2017

(I work at an auto and diesel repair shop, and I happen to be a young female. I write estimates, talk to customers, order parts, etc…)

Me: “[Shop]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a quote on my truck.”

Me: “Sure, what kind of truck?”

Customer: “Are you the service writer?”

Me: “I am.”

Customer: “Are you the only service writer? No men?”

Me: “Just me. [Old Male Coworker] left a year ago.”

Customer: “Can I talk to anyone else?”

Me: “Sure. Hang on just a minute.”

(Transfers phone to one of the owners, who is an office manager.)

Owner: “Hi, this is Jane!”

(This happens about once a month.)

Unnatural Attitude

, , , , , , | Right | August 30, 2013

(This month, we are taking donations for children with a particular disease, and ask our customers if they’d like to donate at the end of the transaction. I ask the current customer if he would like to make a small donation.)

Customer: “No, thanks. I believe in natural selection.”

(I freeze, and so does everyone standing behind him.)

Me: “Sir, this is for children with [disease].”

Customer: “Yeah, I know. Still, natural selection. If I had [disease], I know I wouldn’t want people donating to save me if I was going to die. The money can be better spent on other things.”

(By this point, half the line is glaring at him, and I’m still stunned.)

Me: “Even if you were a child, sir?”

Customer: “Yup.”

Me: “…here’s your receipt.”

(The customer leaves, and I begin taking care of the next customer.)

Next Customer: “Before you get too far, I’d like to donate $2 to make up for that guy. ‘Natural selection!’ What a monster!”

(After this customer, everyone in line who has seen our exchange made a sizable donation for the cause! Certainly made up for “natural selection” guy!)


This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

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Out Of Cigarettes, Out Of Patience, Out Of Luck

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2013

(My uncle works as a manager at a local gas station. I have just stopped by to drop him off a plate of food. I am on a first name basis with nearly all of the employees. I’m just finishing up a conversation with one of the clerks, when two customers walk up.)

Clerk: “Welcome to [Gas Station]; what can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Can I get a pack of [ rand] cigarettes]?”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, but it seems like we have run out of that specific brand. Can I get you something else?”

Customer #1: “You always run out of the f***** cigarettes whenever I’m here!”

Customer #2: “I told you this store was f***** ghetto! Let’s go somewhere else!”

Customer #1: “This is bull-s***! Whenever I come to this f***** store, they always seem to be out of f***** cigarettes! Is it too much to ask that you guys actually keep cigarettes in stock!?”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, but its been a busy weekend, and we have simply just run out. I could probably recommend another one of our gas stations nearby—”

Customer #2: “We don’t need you to recommend s***! Get me your f**** manager right now!”

(My uncle, who was helping out another customer, has heard the entire conversation. He comes to investigate.)

Uncle: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer #1: “I’ll tell you what the problem is! Every time I come to this f***** store, you never have the brand of cigarettes I want! How hard is it to keep s*** stocked? This is why I don’t come to this ghetto-a** store!”

Uncle: “Well, as my employee previously stated, we are all out of that particular brand. We are more than willing to sell you something else, or we can recommend one of our other locations, which is about a 10-minute drive away.”

Customer #2: “We ain’t got no f***** time for this s***! Let’s get the f*** out of here. I hate this d*** store!”

(They promptly storm out of the store. I walk up to the register to purchase my items.)

Me: “Jeez, how hard is to take yourself to another store and buy your particular brand your looking for? I mean if it’s not here, then make things simple and move the h*** on! Don’t be a b**** about it!”

Clerk: “We get it all the time, but we’ve just learned to tune it out.”

Me: “It really isn’t necessary—”

(Customer #1 storms back in the store.)

Customer #1: “Which one of you said that? I heard what you said about me! Calling me a b****! I know it was you bad mouthing me!”

(The customer starts pointing at the clerk.)

Clerk: “I didn’t say anything about y—”

Customer #1: “I heard what you said! Do you think I’m a stupid b****?! Give me your employee number; I’m going to write a letter to your corporate offices about this. I KNOW YOU SAID IT! I AM GONNA GET YOUR A** FIRED!”

(I clear my throat, and tap the customer on the shoulder.)

Me: “Actually, I said it!”

(I’m pretty tall, at 6’2″.)

Customer #1: “What business is it of yours—”

(The customer’s question trails off, and she turns and looks up at my face; her face pales.)

Me: “I’ll tell you: it’s very much my business. You can find me in here almost every day, but it’s ignorant and stupid people like you that p*** me off! First off, it’s not this clerk’s fault that the cigarettes are out of stock. It’s not this store’s fault that they magically don’t have your particular brand of cigarettes every time you happen to come in. Furthermore, don’t you dare try and degrade this store. It treats all of its customers with respect, which is something in which you are OBVIOUSLY lacking. Another thing, if this store doesn’t have your cigarettes, “every time you come in,” then why don’t you just get a d*** clue and move on to the next store? No need for you to be raising all this h*** for nothing. As far as who said what, I made the comments about you being a b****, so if you wanna make something of it, then let’s step outside and I’ll be more than happy to kick your a**!”

(The customer stuttered and hurried out of the store. The clerk high-fived me and my uncle treated me out to a movie and dinner later on that week!)

Giving The French Stick

, , , , , , , | Right | February 11, 2011

Customer: *with a strong French accent* “I would like a ticket to Paris, USA.”

(His friends are snickering.)

Me: “The one in Illinois or in Tennessee?”

Customer: *pauses* “What?”

Me: “Do you want Paris, IL, or Paris, TN?”

Customer: “How about Marseilles?”

Me: “Okay, Marseilles in Illinois or Ohio?”

Customer: “Berlin?”

Me: “So, Connecticut?”

Customer: “Moscow?”

Me: “Idaho?”

Customer: “You’re making that up.”

(I show him the screen for Moscow, Idaho.)

Customer: “Look, I was only pointing out that American movies always list the city and country for a location because you’re too d*** stupid to know that Paris is in France!”


This story is part of our 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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What’s Red Or Blue And Dumb All Over

, , , | Right | October 13, 2010

(I work for a cruise line. We port in a small town where we are too big for the local harbor, so we have to tender the passengers ashore in smaller boats. The passengers are lining up to be issued a tender ticket so they can go ashore. The tickets just happen to be red or blue, but the colors don’t mean anything.)

Passenger: “What’s the difference between the red tickets and the blue tickets?”

Me: *joking* “Well, the red tickets operate as a life preserver in case of an emergency; the blue tickets will turn to stone and take you straight to the bottom. You’ll have to decide among yourselves who gets what.”

(The entire line behind the passenger bursts into hysterical laughter. I’m having difficulty holding a straight face, but the original passenger is staring at me completely horror-stricken.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m joking… There’s no difference.”

Passenger: “Are… are you sure?!”


This story is part of the Humorless Customers roundup!

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