Unfiltered Story #113834

, , | | Unfiltered | June 3, 2018

Me: Anchorage jail booking.
Caller: Yeah, is my baby daddy there?
( It’s a slow night, so I decide to play ball)
Me: Whats the baby daddy’s name?
Caller: I’m not sure which one.
Me: How many are there?
Caller: A couple, I think it’s John.
Me: Last name?
Caller: I don’t know.
Me: What is the babys last name? Is it the same as yours? Or did you give the baby it’s dad’s last name?
Caller: Well yeah I gave her her dad’s last name! What kind of mom do you think I am!
(long silence)
Me: Well, whats the last name?
Caller: Hold on, I don’t remember, but I have her birth certificate somewhere…….
Hereit is! The last name is ____.
Me: We have no one by that name currently in jail.
Caller: Well maybe it’s the other one. Try Tony.
Me: Tony Who?
Caller: I don’t know
Me………….

This Style Of Discipline Is Totally Armless

, , , | Right | May 16, 2018

(I’m helping a family with several young children. One of them seems very interested in our armless mannequins.)

Boy: “How do you guys make those?”

(Before I can say anything, the mother speaks up.)

Mom: “If they catch you stealing, they take you into a back room, cut off your arms, and then pour gunk all over you and let you dry! And when it’s done they bring you out front and put you display, like those guys!”

Making A Collect(or) Call

, , , , | Right | May 11, 2018

(I am making a call to a customer service line.)

Employee #1: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you today?”

Me: “Yes, I just bought the collector’s edition of [Game] for the Playstation 4, and it does not have the DLC codes included.”

Employee #1: “Yes, we are aware that there was an error with the packaging. You should receive your downloadable content code to the email inbox that you used to preorder the game.”

Me: “But I didn’t preorder it.”

Employee #1: *pause* “Then how did you get it?”

Me: “I bought it at a local retail store.”

Employee #1: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, why?”

Employee #1: “That collector’s edition has been sold out for months. How could you have found one at a retail store?”

Me: “Well, I live in Alaska, so there isn’t always as much competition.”

Employee #1: “Okay. What I need you to do is take a picture of the game and the receipt and email it to us at [address], then call back and ask for me. My name is [Employee #1].”

Me: “Okay.”

(I do as she asks and call back.)

Employee #2: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you today?”

Me: Hi, I just spoke with [Employee #1] about [Game].”

Employee #2: “Oh! You’re the guy from Alaska! We’ve all been talking about how you are! Have you tried playing the lottery today, as well?”

Kiss Goodbye Your First Kiss

, , , , , , | Romantic | April 23, 2018

(I am six. My sister is nine and bossy. My mother works for her friend, who has two boys our age. We play together in their huge backyard.)

Sister: “Let’s play ‘Grownups’!”

Me: “How do you play it?”

Sister: “We pair up and have a double wedding.”

(We have a pretend wedding with the boys. Then, I notice my sister smiling at me funny.)

Me: “What?”

Sister: “You have to kiss him.”

Me: “No way! Ew!”

Sister: “You have to; he’s your husband!”

Me: “You and [Other Boy] didn’t!”

Sister: “We did; you weren’t looking.”

Me: “Yuck.”

(Somehow she was able to convince me to kiss my friend. It was just a peck, but it felt weird and nasty. I couldn’t understand why adults did it. She laughed and laughed. Much later, I realized that she had lied, and I still haven’t forgiven her for tricking me into using up my first kiss!)

Wishing For Her Hands To Be Bitten

, , , , , , | Right | April 19, 2018

When I was 16 years old, I worked in a children’s museum where I was in charge of the aquarium section. We had a “touch tank” where people could feel sea life. Because the animals are delicate, we had a strict policy that people could only touch animals I had put on trays at the edge of the tanks. Despite this policy, (and numerous prominent signs stating the policy) people would routinely stick their hands in the parts of the tank that were off limits.

One day, a woman came in and proceeded to repeatedly stick her hands into the tank, despite my requests. Finally, I forcefully said, “Ma’am, please don’t stick your hands into that part of the tank, as it distresses the animals.” She pulled her hands out, flicked water in my face, said, “You just need to chill,” and stomped off, cursing about “little s***s who think they know everything.”

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