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Their Job Is A Full-Time (Dis)Appointment

, , , | Right | October 3, 2020

I work for circulation at a large academic library on a college campus. While some places on campus employ student workers, my position is actually staff; I don’t have to be enrolled in classes, and I receive benefits, retirement, decent pay, etc.

One day, a patron comes up to the desk to check out some items.

Patron: “You work so many hours here!”

Me: “I work full-time here.”

Patron: “What kind of a course-load are you taking?”

Me: “Oh, I actually graduated from here a year ago.”

Patron: “Oh! This is your job.”

The rest of the transaction was awkwardly quiet. I didn’t quite know how to respond because our library is much too large to have volunteers, and even if I had been a student worker, this still would have been my job!

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Stupid Crime Doesn’t Pay

, , , , , | Legal | August 23, 2020

We receive a call from the owner of an automated car wash that is located across the street from our store. Someone busted into the coin deposits and stole all the money the night before. They ask us to keep an eye out for anyone using our coin counter with large amounts of quarters.

Around noon, we have a young guy in his late teens come up with a coin count ticket for about $200. My coworker comes up to me and shows me the ticket. It shows how many of each type coin was counted; 95% of the coins were quarters. I tell my coworker to go ahead and process it but stall him as long as she can.

Coworker: “Wow, that was a lot of change!”

Young Guy: “Heh, yeah.”

Coworker: “I don’t have enough money to cash this; let me get a manager to get me some more money.”

My coworker calls the manager for an increase.

Coworker: “I’m also going to need you to fill out this form with your name, phone number, and address, and I will need to see your ID.”

Young Guy: “Why do you need all that?”

Coworker: “Oh, well, since the amount is over $150, we have to record it for tax purposes.”

Young Guy: “Oh, okay.”

The young guy filled out the form and handed his ID to my coworker; she then wrote his driver’s license number on the form. Meanwhile, on a phone out of earshot, I called our loss prevention team and the local police department, which was also located right across the street from us. The police department was already aware of the theft and sent officers right over.

After about five minutes, my coworker had received her increase and processed the guy’s ticket and gave him the cash. The guy then walked over to me and asked if I could page his friend; after I paged his friend, he waited by a seating area near our service desk. As his friend walked up, the officers walked in the door and looked at me. I pointed the guy out.

They walked up to him and his friend and started questioning them. The young guy that had cashed the ticket started getting belligerent with the officers and then tried to make a break for it. The officers caught him and this friend, placed them over the back of one of the empty registers, cuffed them, and frisked them. One of them had a six-inch knife and the other had a taser.

We later received a “Thank You” letter from the owner of the car wash. The two guys that had come into our store were the ones that had robbed his business and they were able to be prosecuted thanks to us.

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Anatomy Of A Shirt

, , , | Right | July 10, 2020

I am a young, rather busty female working in a coffee shop. An older guy comes in and I take his order.

Guy: “I’m looking at the artwork on your shirt. I’m not looking at your anatomy.”

Me: “Uh…”

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Too Busy Attending A Hideous Skirt Convention To Learn The Names

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2020

I’m a new employee in a popular local coffee shop. There are a lot of regulars who, despite the fact that I am new, expect me to know their name and usual drink order. I’m explaining this to my mom.

Me: “Why do people expect me to know their names when I’ve never seen them before in my life? We aren’t given a binder with all the regulars’ pictures and drinks! This isn’t The Devil Wears Prada!”

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Sick Burn, Dad!

, , , , , , , | Friendly | April 27, 2020

When I was a toddler, my family and I were on a camping trip. We decided to take our large, black dog, Camela, on a walk through the facility.

I had the leash because she was very gentle despite her size, and we passed another family on the road: a father and mother and their son. The mother led her family off the road and told my mother, “I can’t believe you let that thing near your son,” gesturing to Camela.

My dad looked her husband in the eye and said, “I can’t believe you let that thing near your son.”

The woman was outraged as her husband shamefully led his family down the road without a word.

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