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Grab Bag: Alaskan Cruise

, , , , , | Right | August 14, 2008

(I worked briefly in one of the regional offices for a cruise line. One of my jobs was to read all customer comment cards from the end of their tours and cruises and enter the comments into our database.)

1. “Please cut down some of the trees in Denali National Park. It is difficult to see the forest because these trees are in the way.”

2. “There are a lot of old cars scattered all over the place. Can you please remove them? They look ugly.”

3. “I wanted to see Mt. McKinley but it was raining and too cloudy. I want my money back and/or a free cruise.”

4. “I couldn’t swim in the outside pool on the cruise ship because it was raining the entire trip. I want my money back and/or a free cruise.”

5. “I didn’t like the reindeer sausage you served on the train. I want my money back and/or a free cruise.”

6. “I wanted to see the wildlife tour, but 5:00 am is way too early for me to wake up while I’m on vacation. Can you please schedule the wildlife to be available later in the afternoon, so that I can see them?”

7. “I was supposed to ride the train through Denali National Park, but there was a fire. Why did you schedule the fire while I was there?”

8. “Why are there so many Alaskan natives in Alaska? Can you ask them to leave?”

9. “There are way too many trees and animals on the wildlife tour. Can you please put in some malls and tennis courts?”

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There Is Such A Thing As A Stupid Question

, , , | Right | February 19, 2008

(I am a naturalist on a semi-submersible vessel for a summer in Alaska. The passengers get to sit in the bottom section of the boat, six feet below the waterline, looking out of large windows. Over the course of the summer I get a couple of fun questions.)

Tourist #1: “Hey, where are all the tropical fish?”

Me: *blink* “Um, in the tropics, sir. This is Alaska.”

Tourist #2: “Are we going to see any bears?”

Me: *looking out the windows at fields of kelp and bored-looking rockfish* “Sorry, no. We haven’t been able to get them to use the scuba equipment without chewing through it yet.”

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