Listening Is Not His Number One Priority

, , , , | Right | April 18, 2019

(I’m working the front counter during the second half of my shift with one of my friends on the register next to me. The lunch rush is finally dying down, when this guy approaches.)

Old Man: “I’d like a number one meal.”

Coworker: “All right, a number one meal. What to drink?”

Old Man: “A number one.”

Coworker: “Yes, sir. A number one. What would you like to drink with that?”

Old Man: “A. Number. One. Meal.”

Coworker: “Yes, sir, but—“

Old Man: “A NUMBER O—“

Me: “SIR! He’s asking you what you’d like to drink!”

Old Man: “Oh. Um. Diet Coke.”

(He didn’t look embarrassed or anything. My coworker thanked me for interrupting the guy and getting him to finally listen.)

Driving Through The Minutes

, , , | Right | April 10, 2019

(I work at a local fast food chain on the drive-thru. An old lady drives up.)

Me: “Good morning! Was your order with a small coffee?”

Lady: “Yes!”

Me: “Your total will be [total].”

(I take her money and then give her a receipt. I hand her the food and notice there isn’t a cup of coffee ready for her yet.)

Me: “I’ll have your coffee out in one moment, ma’am.”

(I sprint to the coffee maker and they have just started a new pot. This means we have no coffee ready yet. It will be three minutes before it is ready. Usually, people are okay to wait a few minutes, especially if they know it will be fresh. I walk back over to the window.)

Me: “Our coffee isn’t quite done brewing yet; it will be about three minutes. Is that okay?”

Lady: *now furious* “I am not sitting at this window for three minutes!”

Me: *apologetic* “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Lady: *scoffs and looks ahead* “This is ridiculous!” *turns back to me* “I paid for that, you know!”

(I am just about to ask if she wants a refund or something else to drink in return for no charge, but she speeds away. My manager and everyone else in the drive-thru look at me in bewilderment. I don’t get a chance to say anything before the next person drives up. I do my routine and finish up with the rest of the customers, holding back everything I can to avoid bursting into tears. When the line goes away I explain to them what happened.)

Me: “She got mad about waiting for her coffee so she yelled at me and sped off.”

Manager: “She could have gotten a refund.”

Me: *shrugs*

The Sound Of Silence

, , , , , , | Learning | April 9, 2019

(Our band director is spending the whole class period talking about scales and music theory. The first chair tuba pipes up and mentions how he memorizes particularly difficult scales with lots of sharps. And the director yells, saying that will only make it more difficult. Later in the period, he asks the band to see if anyone can play an extremely difficult scale he calls out using the confusing method he had presented. A couple of people try and fail. Then, the first chair tuba tries and plays it perfectly.)

Band Director: “That was brilliant! How did you do it?!”

Tuba: *explains method he mentioned earlier that the band director said was wrong*


Band Director: “That doesn’t prove your point.”

(I rather think it did, and I will be using it in the future.)

Stressing Over The Dressing

, , , , | Right | March 25, 2019

(Two little old ladies walk up to the registers. I get the one in blue, and my coworker gets the one in pink. It’s the last half hour or so of what’s been a really long shift full of angry people stressed over vacations/school beginning/etc.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Will you be dining in with us today?”

Blue: “I’d like a salad.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Which salad would you like?”

Blue: “I’m not from here. I’m not familiar with your choices.”

Me: “Not a problem! We’ve got three salads—“ *I point at their slots on the menu board and name them* “—and we can add or take away ingredients if you need us to.”

Blue: *huffs angrily* “I just want a salad!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but as I said, we’ve got three. Which one would you like?”

Blue: *absolutely steaming now* “Just a salad!” *finally stares at the board* “I’ll take the one in the picture.”

Me: “Absolutely. What sort of dressing would you like?”

Blue: *snarling* “Thousand. Island.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but I’m afraid we don’t have Thousand Island. The rest of our dressings are listed under—“


(I smile, but I know if I go any further with this lady I will say something I absolutely regret. I call my manager over and go stand next to one of my coworkers in the corner until the lady moves away.)

Manager: “What happened?”

Me: “I asked her what salad and dressing she wanted.”

Coworker: “Literally that’s all she did.”

Manager: “That’s what she said. She said you kept asking what salad and dressing she wanted.” *he looks at the clock* “You wanna go home ten minutes early?”

Me: “Nothing would bring me more pleasure.”

Not Such A Mean Old Dinosaur

, , , , | Hopeless | March 11, 2019

(I am shopping with my mom. I’m looking for the oatmeal that has dinosaur eggs in it that dissolve as you make the oatmeal. It has been out of stock locally for a few weeks. Today I see them!)

Me: “Mom, look! Dinosaurs! My favorite!” *grabs a box*

(I hear an indignant sniff to my left. I turn and see a tall, imposing woman in a business suit. I want to shrink into the ground.)

Business Lady: *grabs a box and grins* “They’re my favorite, too!”