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The Race Card Is Double Sided

, , , , | Right | December 16, 2013

(My husband and I are new to the area. We are trying out a popular fried chicken restaurant that is on a side of town primarily occupied by black people. I am white, and my husband is Mexican.)

Me: “This chicken is great!”

Husband: “Yeah, but it’d be better with some hot sauce! I’ll go get some!”

(I slide out of the booth we are in to let him out. As I step back I accidentally bump another patron who is walking back up front to refill his drink. He drops his cup.)

Me: “Oops! I’m sorry!”

Customer: *glaring at me* “What’s wrong with you? You in the wrong side of town. You think you can hit me just cuz I’m black?! Racist b****!”

(My husband is about to intervene, but I speak up.)

Me: “You think you can say that just because I’m white?”

Customer: *long pause* “…say what?”

Me: “You think you can claim I’m racist just because I’m white?”

Customer: “I… you… what?”

Me: “Seeing as how my husband is Mexican, I don’t think you can cry racism on this one, man. Nice try.”

(I pick up his cup and get a whiff of what he was drinking.)

Me: “What were you drinking? Sprite?”

Customer: “…yeah.”

(I go refill his drink for him and hand it back to him with a smile on my face.)

Me: “There ya go.”

Customer: “You pretty nice, for a cracker.”

Me: “You’re pretty nice, for someone so ignorant. Racism works both ways, man. Don’t let it—”

Customer: “—yeah. Okay. Sorry.”

(Thankfully, my husband and I finished our meals without any more interruptions.)

Thank God For Better Halves, Part 2

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2013

(We’re running a buy two, get one free promotion in our store, but you must have a membership to qualify. The membership is free. A customer and his wife approach the counter with only two games.)

Me: “Sir, do you have a membership card?”

Customer: “I don’t want no card.”

Me: “The only reason I ask is because members can get—”

Customer: “No, stop trying to sell me something.”

Me: “Sure, sir, I just thought you might want a free game today with our free membership. Your total is [amount].”

(Suddenly, the customer’s wife smacks him with her purse.)

Customer’s Wife: “Will you shut your mouth and listen to her?!” *to me* “YES, we want a free game. Thank you!”

 

UK is OK

, , , , , | Right | February 11, 2013

(I’m British, white-skinned, blue/green-eyed, red-haired, Celtic. I’m studying in the U.S. and work at a restaurant part-time. It’s a small-ish town and most people there seem to be quite sweet and any comments on my accent have always been ones of surprise or complimentary.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir and madam, are you ready to order?”

Customer #1: *confused* “I’m sorry, what?”

Me: “Are you ready to order?”

Customer #1: *looks at her husband, confused* “What did she say?”

Customer #2: “Must be a foreigner not bothering to learn English.” *slowly and loudly* “I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?”

Me: *slowly and loudly* “YES, I DO, SIR. I ASKED IF YOU WERE READY TO ORDER.”

Customer #2: “Oh, this is ridiculous! She doesn’t speak a word of English! Tell you what, all these foreigners are coming into America, taking American jobs from real Americans!”

Customer #1: “Let’s find one who can understand us!”

Me: “I can find someone else to take your order from you, if you’d prefer.”

Customer #2: “Oh, she does speak English now!”

Customer #1: “She was screwing with us the whole time! This is unacceptable! We don’t come here to be made fools of!”

Customer #2: “Stupid foreigners coming in stealing our jobs and screwing up the American way of life!”

Me: “If you’re worried about foreigners coming to America and stealing your livelihood and culture, you can take your complaints down to the nearest Native American reserve, where they will be more than happy to sympathise.”

Customer #2: “How dare you?! You think you can come over here and disrespect the American people like that!”

Customer #1: “We want the manager here now! I’ll have you fired and deported back to your own dirty country!”

Me: “I’ll fetch him now for you.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

(Customer #1 & #2 rant excessively at him for employing foreigners who don’t speak English and disrespect Americans.)

Manager: “Well, sorry to burst your bubble there, guys.” *gestures to me* “[My Name] here is from the United Kingdom and arguably speaks better English than all of us. And she’s a valued employee so if it comes down to a choice between your custom and her working here, I’m a have to choose her over you two. Now get out of here!”

(At this point, Customer #3, an old man with a thick southern accent, beckons me over.)

Customer #3: “Hey, you, girlie.”

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer #3: “On behalf of the United States Of America, I just wanna apologise for the way those two morons just treated you. I been a citizen here for 78 years, an’ I ain’t never let nobody tell me howta treat people. I served alongside a British guy in a the last war and I never had a problem wi’ him. Far from it.”

Me: “That’s so nice! Thank you!”

Customer #3: “Woulda married him, too, if people like that wouldn’t make such a fuss about it.”

Taco Bill

, , , | Right | May 25, 2011

Customer: “Can I pay for my meal in guacamole?”

Me: “I–excuse me?”

Customer: “My wife makes a mean guacamole.”

Attack Of The O’Hooligans

, , , , , | Right | April 22, 2011

Customer: “Excuse me, are you the manager?

Me: “Yes. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to complain about your employee in the jewelry department. She’s a hooligan!”

Me: “Well, what did she do?”

Customer: “Her hair is green!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just for St. Patrick’s Day.”

Customer: “I don’t care! It’s unprofessional and rebellious! It probably means she’s in a gang!”

Me: “Very well. I’ll talk with her.”

(The associate and I have a good laugh over it. She comes in the next day with her ordinary brown hair. The customer happens to come in, too.)

Customer: “Oh, your hair is brown! I’m glad I was able to help you get reformed from your rebellious ways!”


This story of part of the St. Patrick’s Day roundup!

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