(I’ve come to Quebec to learn how to improve my French. This is the first time I’ve ever gone on a plane by myself, much less to a place where English is a secondary language, so I’m rather nervous. I approach the customs counter wearing a shirt with English phrasing and looking very much like a tourist.)

Agent: “Bonjour.”

Me: *thinking I should at least give it a shot* “Bonjour.”

(The agent goes through his directions in French. Both his speed and his accent completely throw me off and I just stand there.)

Me: *in English* “Well, if you’re going to go that fast.”

(He stops and stares at me before breaking down into laughter for at least a solid minute.)

Agent: “I’m so sorry, miss.”

Me: “It’s all right.”

(Everything proceeds normally until we get to the reason for my stay.)

Me: “You’ll love this. I’m here to study French.”

(He giggles as I hand over my papers and checks to make sure everything is in order. I get everything back.)

Agent: “Bon journee mademoiselle.”

Me: “Bon journee.”

(I couldn’t be mad at a guy with a good sense of humor and a thankless job. I hope I made his day.)

(I have some time to kill before my flight, so I decide to buy some souvenirs at the duty free shop in the airport. I get my stuff and I make my way to the cash register.)

Cashier: “Your total is €45.90.”

Me: “Here.” *gives a €50 note and 90 cents*

Cashier: “This is more than you owe.”

Me: “Yes, I am giving you the 90 cents so you can give me a €5 note instead of lots of coins.”

Cashier: “But we do not change banknotes.”

Me: “Well, I just want to avoid lots of coins… This way you can give me a €5 note.”

Cashier: “I do not understand why you gave me all this money.”

Me: “Try entering the amount I gave you in the cash register and see what is says.”

Cashier: *enters €50.90; system says that the change is €5.00* “Oh, it worked! Here, take your €5 note… unless…”

Me: “…unless?”

Cashier: “…unless you prefer your change in coins?”

Me: “…”

(I am traveling with my two partners for the holidays. We arrive at the gate to line up for our flight. The boarding agent makes some announcements about boarding order, and then…)

Boarding Agent: “…since I don’t have my hands full for boarding assistance today, the first person who asks me a Star Wars trivia question I can’t answer can have priority boarding.”

(I turn to my partners with an extremely excited face. They give me the thumbs up. I walk to the front.)

Me: “Who was Leia’s suitor in ‘The Courtship of Princess Leia’?”

Boarding Agent: *thinks for a moment* “Prince Isolder. But I’m still impressed you asked me something so obscure, so you and your group can board the plane now. Also, is that a Doctor Who scarf you’re wearing?”

Me: “Got it in one.”

(We board the plane, before the eyes of a nonplussed crowd.)

(I work at a small airport in Louisburg. We don’t have many commercial planes fly in but when we do they are normal small bush planes with only a few people on board. We have had a runway problem and can’t let any planes take off today, as the runway is having work done.)

Pilot: “Excuse me, but why has my flight been canceled?”

Me: “We are having a problem with our runway and can’t take any flights today.”

Pilot: “Well, that’s bull-s***. I was just out there and it was fine.”

Me: “I’m sorry but as you can see…” *points out to runway with workers* “There are people working on it today.”

Pilot: “NO! I SEE NOTHING. NOW LET ME THROUGH TO GET TO MY PLANE!”

Me: “Sir, I’m very sorry but I cannot let you through. Can you please calm down; I will be able to get you in the air first thing tomorrow.”

Pilot: “No, I’ve had enough of you. Out of my WAY!”

(He then pushed me out of the way and onto the floor and started to walk over to the hanger. I scrambled to my feet and called the workers and my supervisor to tell them what was coming, and called the police. The other worker and I sprinted over to the hanger and managed to get the hanger door closed before he could start the plane. After a while the police came and took him away, as he was going to try and take off with people working on the runway!)

(A month after my husband and I started dating, I go out of town for vacation. We speak every night via Skype. The night before my flight home:)

Husband: “Guess what?”

Me: “What?”

Husband: “My baby is getting home in 22 hours and 17 minutes.”

Me: “You are silly. Are you going to meet me at the airport?”

Husband: “Sure thing.”

Me: “Are you going to bring me awesome flowers?”

(He looks at me puzzled by my question since I never asked him about presents before.)

Me: “It is not like NEED the flowers. I just always had a dream of my boyfriend meeting me at the airport with the HUGE bouquet and making all the people around me jealous…”

Husband: *laughing* “You are so silly…”

(He ended up getting a huge bouquet of tropical flowers and was kind enough to count how many people looked at him with envy and how many with pure hate. Now every time I am travelling alone he meets me at the airport with flowers.)