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Small Fish In A Small Pond

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2009

(I’m waiting to board a delayed flight with one of Europe’s cheapest and largest airlines.)

Hostess: “Welcome to flight [Number] from Malmö to Dublin. Those of you with seating numbers 1 through 35, please go to line one. Those of you with seating numbers 36 and up, please go to line two. If any of you are traveling with small children or checked in online, please go to the counter and you will be let on board before we start boarding the other passengers.”

(A group of businessmen, about 35-55 years old and in suits, walk to the counter and cut in front of a family with very young children.)

Hostess: “Well, I can see you didn’t check-in online, so you’ll have to stand in line. The first line is for early seating numbers; the second line is for la–”

Businessman #1: “Oh, come on… Can’t you make an exception? We’re already standing here and all.”

Businessman #2: “You only have to board us and we’re done!”

Hostess: “No, you’ll have to wait in turn, just like everyone else. The lines start over there.”

Businessman #2: “But I always get to board the plane first!”

Hostess: “You’re not a family with children and you didn’t check in over the Internet, so you’ll have to stand in line.”

Businessman #2: *very angrily* “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!”

Hostess: “No, but you can’t be that important if you’re traveling with us.”

Businessman #2: *quietly retreats to the back of the line with his buddies*


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Signs It’s Time To Leave The Nest

, , | Right | May 21, 2009

(A woman walked up to my coworker in a panic.)

Woman: “Have you seen my son? Did someone take my son?!”

Coworker: “I’m not sure. How old is he?”

Woman: *still panicked* “Twenty!”

Welcome To Glorious Nation Of North Americastan

, , , | Right | February 5, 2009

Customer: “Do you sell any other calling cards here?”

Salesperson: “No, just the ones on that rack. Sorry.”

Customer: “I need to call the States and I don’t want to get charged for long-distance! I need a card that can call from Canada to the US!”

Salesperson: “Those calling cards can call to the US.”

Customer: “But it says they only work in North America!”


This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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A Tasty Threat

, , , | Right | February 3, 2009

(At the security checkpoint, I observed a man walking up to the checkpoint with his luggage and a Tupperware container full of soup.)

Agent: “Sir, you can’t take that beyond this point.”

Customer: “But it’s my soup!”

Agent: “Sir, you can’t take a container bigger than three ounces.”

Customer: “But it’s my soup!

Agent: “I’m sorry, but you either have to eat it here or throw it away.”

Customer: “But… it’s delicious food!”

That’s Just Golden

, , , , , | Right | February 3, 2009

(Note: we deal with the airline employees.)

Me: “Customer service, this is [My Name]. May I have your file number?”

(The airline employee gives his file number, and I verify his information is correct.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Airline Employee: “Promise you won’t laugh.”

Me: “I’ll try, sir.”

Airline Employee: “I’m calling to report that a customer relieved himself in one of the Electronic Check-in Units. I need to ask for a tech to come out and make sure there’s no damage to the computer.”

Me: “Oh, my gosh, of course. Where in the airport is the machine?”

Airline Employee: “It’s near Gate 27. We call it Irregular Operations because that’s where — no pun intended — the customers have to go to get their tickets when they’re pissed off.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m writing this up as being water damage that the tech will need to check out. Is there anything else I can do to help you?”

Airline Employee: “You got any Febreeze?”


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