(Two customers come in looking for something quick so they don’t miss their flight.)
Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”
Me: “Sure, that’ll be super quick.”
Customer: “And could you add bacon to it?”
Me: “Well, I could, but that would take a while. We make all our food fresh.”
Customer: *being a smart-a*** “Oh, really? So you’ve got a live turkey back there?”
Me: *just smiles but slowly dying on the inside*
(I’m in the boarding area of an airport with my friends. I’m using my phone’s personal hotspot to share WiFi with my friends when a lady comes up to me. Keep in mind that my hotspot has a password, like any other, to keep people from using my data.)
Lady: “Give me the password to your WiFi!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Lady: “I know you have WiFi! Give me the password!”
Me: “Sorry, but that’s my hotspot–”
Lady: “GIVE ME IT!”
Me: “Ma’am. You do not understand. THIS. IS. MY. WIFI. I’m not giving you my password.”
Lady: “Fine! I’ll just get you fired for hogging the WiFi!”
Me: “Good luck, because I don’t work here!”
(My friends and I think that that’s the end of her. But only five minutes later, she brings a manager over to “get me fired.”)
Lady: “See!? That’s him! He won’t give me the WiFi password!”
Manager: “Ma’am, first, I don’t know him because he doesn’t work here. Therefore, I can’t fire him. Second, our airline’s WiFi is free.”
Lady: “But…”
Manager: “Third, I’m sure he is using his own hotspot’s WiFi, so you’re just trying to get free WiFi from him.”
Lady: “So make him give me the password!”
Manager: “No.”
Lady: “Excuse me?”
Manager: “I said no, if you didn’t hear me.”
Lady: “THE CUSTOMER’S ALWAYS RIGHT!”
Manager: “Well, in this case, you certainly are not.”
Lady: *speechless*
Manager: “Now, are you going to go back to your seat to leave these POLITE flyers alone, or do I have to get security to escort you out of here?”
Lady: *looks at me, then to the manager, then back to me, then turns 50 shades of red and clambers back into her seat*
Manager: *to me* “Well, I bet she won’t bother you anymore!”
(Later we got the best seats for being polite and not causing a commotion, and I spotted her sitting between two bratty kids!)
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(I just got back from a vacation and I’m in the airport returning home. I’m not in a good mood because my vacation was ruined because I had gotten sick with a virus. I know that it’s not the TSA agents fault so I’m trying not to be impatient as they put me through security checks. My mom speaks to a grumpy looking agent.)
Mom: “Sir, could we bring our shampoos with us?”
Agent: “No!”
(He scowls at us, like he hates us, then grabs my backpack that’s fully of my dirty laundry.)
Me: “Um, that’s my dirty clothes.”
Agent: “Let me decide that, missy!”
(He rifles through my bag, and I’m afraid he’ll start throwing everything out by the way he’s being rough with it. He doesn’t, but his face was priceless when he realized I hadn’t been lying. My clothes are smelly and soiled. Finally, he throws it down at me with disgust and waves me through.)
Me: “Thank you!”
(I had to travel again soon after at the same airport, and I saw the same agent in a different line, and he looked pale like I did when I was sick! Karma! I don’t wish illness on him, but he deserved it!)
I have a three-hour layover and decide to order some dinner while I wait. There’s a little Asian diner that looks pretty yummy. I order my chicken lo mein and they give me a fortune cookie treat to end my meal with.
The food is great, I am feeling satisfied, and ready to see what fun my fortune cookie has waiting for me. I crack it open and of course, it’s the worst possible fortune I could have read, especially being at the airport waiting to board an international flight. It read, “it is sometimes better to travel hopefully than to arrive.” NOPE. I disagree with you, little cookie. I would much rather arrive.
I’m actually about to board my flight right now so let’s all hope I make it.
(My wife and I are on the way back from our honeymoon. We are waiting in line for check-in, when we suddenly realise she still has her knitting needles in her hand luggage. We turn to a stewardess standing next to us.)
Us: “Excuse me, ma’am, but are we allowed to take knitting needles on the flight?”
Stewardess: *with a look of utter disbelief and almost offended* “Of course NOT!”
(We figured as much and asked just to be sure, so we are about to apologize, when she continues.)
Stewardess: “They are weapons of mass destruction and we cannot allow you to take such dangerous things on an airplane!”
(We burst into laughter and she joins us.)
Stewardess: “Sorry, girls. I know it’s stupid, but they would still probably take them away from you.”
(We were able to switch them into our luggage and board the plane without being mistaken for plane hijackers, but this lady really brightened our mood about stupid airport procedures. Best security check ever.)
