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Checking In And Checking Out

| Romantic | January 15, 2014

(I’m standing in line at security.)

TSA Guy: “Camera? Laptop? Email address?”

Me: *confused* “I have a laptop.”

TSA Guy: “Mobile phone? Mobile phone number?”

Me: “Um… what?”

(I end up getting sent back through after they find a DVD player in my bag that I forgot about.)

TSA Guy: “I know you put that DVD player in there just so that you could see me again. My name is Antoine.”

(It wasn’t until five minutes later that I understood what had been going on!)

No ID And No Idea, Part 2

| Working | December 26, 2013

(I purchased my plane tickets before I got married and changed my name. When I go to check in, I accidentally give her my new ID, not my old one. The old ID has my maiden name on it and a hole in it, but has not expired and counts as valid ID. The clerk tells me that I need to show BOTH IDs to the security checkpoint.)

Security: “What’s this?”

Me: “Sorry. I bought the ticket before I was married so it’s under my maiden name. That’s my old ID with my original name on it to match the ticket. It’s still valid until 2019. The other is my new ID. They’re both me and both good. See?”

Security: “I need you to step aside. I have to call this in. You don’t have anything else on you to prove your old and new names do you?”

Me: “Um… I have an old insurance card and my new credit cards? But that license should be enough. It’s still valid ID.”

Security: “That may not work. We need a passport or social security card. I have to page it in.”

(I stand around for 15-20 minutes while he checks other people through. Finally a manager comes over. He takes one look at my ID and then stares at the security person.)

Manager: “This ID doesn’t expire until 2019.”

Security: “Yeah, but now she’s someone else.”

Manager: “Both IDs are valid. She’s fine.”

Security: “But her name is different!”

Manager: *to me* “I’m going to go ahead and put you through now. Sorry about that.”

(As I went through security, I heard him still trying to explain the concept to his employee. Coming back, the airport clerk at the other airport told me only to show my old ID because ‘you’d just confuse security if you show them both.’ Good call!)


The Anti Rom-Com Ending

| Romantic | December 16, 2013

(A woman passes through airport security. She gathers her things and begins to leave the area. A man behind her in the line, still waiting to be scanned, starts calling out to her.)

Man: “Wait! [Woman’s Name], wait! [Woman’s Name], you have the tickets! Wait!”

TSA Agent: “Run, [Woman’s Name]! Now’s your chance!”

The Un-fairer Sex, Part 2

| Romantic | November 29, 2013

(I’m taking my boyfriend home for Thanksgiving. Although I’m a frequent flyer, I get pretty anxious and high-strung when it comes to travel. In complete contrast, my boyfriend has been on a plane once in the last five years, but is a very laid-back person. We are going through security.)

Me: “You need to take out your computer.”

Boyfriend: “What? It’s fine. Calm down.”

Me: “No, no, it’s not. Your laptop has to be in its own container.”

Boyfriend: “Oh my god, you are so paranoid! It doesn’t matter!”

Me: “I’m not being paranoid! It’s TSA rules! They’ve made at least two announcements!”

Boyfriend:“Look, I know traveling makes you anxious—”

(I whirl around and get the attention of a nearby TSA officer.)

Me: “Excuse me, but is one not required to take one’s computer out of one’s bag and place it separately in its own tray?”

TSA Officer: “Yeah, that’s right.”

Me: “See?! I have flown at least five times a year in the last three years! I know what I’m talking about!”

(I stalk off into the body scanner.)

TSA Officer: *to my boyfriend* “Dude, she’s always going to be right. Just go with it.”


Giving Her A Little Flight

, , | Right | November 27, 2013

(It is eight am on Thanksgiving morning, and I am at the airport to fly to my mom’s home in Michigan. This is my second flight with this airline. The last time, I had money on a card to pay for my luggage, but they said they only took cash. I go up to the ticket counter.)

Me: “Hello! I have a nine am flight to Detroit.”

Worker: “All right, your luggage fee comes up to $50. How would you like to pay for that?”

(I put my cash on the counter and smile.)

Worker: “I’m sorry, but we only take credit or debit cards. Do you want to bill this to the card you purchased your flight with?”

Me: “But the last time they said I needed to pay in cash. I put money on the card specifically for the ticket. All I can do is pay in cash!”

Worker: “It’s fine. Just go. Happy Thanksgiving!”

(I tried to give her the cash multiple times, but she couldn’t accept it. To that worker, I am so very sorry for the mix-up, but because of your kindness I made it home in time to spend Thanksgiving with my family, and I will be eternally grateful for your kindness!)

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