A Lot Of Passengers Come In Already Spoilt

, , , | Right | September 10, 2018

Passenger: *putting his bags into the X-ray machine* “Oh, I have pies in these…”

Me: “Is something wrong, sir?”

Passenger: “It’s just, won’t they get spoilt?”

Colleague: *sitting at the X-ray monitor* “Well, you don’t get spoilt when you receive an X-ray, do you?”

A Customer And Staff Stand United – Ironically

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2018

(I am flying from Phoenix to Houston. I tend to get upgrades, partly because I am a frequent flyer. I am called up to the podium as my upgrade had been cleared for the flight, and given my new boarding pass. I know the gate staff quite well, and love to talk with them. An impatient passenger approaches.)

Impatient Passenger: “I need to get on this flight, and you will upgrade me.”

Gate Agent: “May I see your boarding pass?”

Impatient Passenger: “You haven’t printed it yet.”

Gate Agent: “In order to clear security, you need it. Do you have that paper you went through the checkpoint with?”

Impatient Passenger: “I threw it out. Look my name up. You’ve got a computer.”

Gate Agent: “One second, please.”

(I step back, watching the story unfold further:)

Gate Agent: “Okay, it looks like you’ve got a seat; 27E in economy. It’s the last seat on the flight I’m afraid.”

Impatient Passenger: “Listen, a**-hole. I’m a Gold OnePass member. I demand you give me my upgrade right now. I know [Airline Owner], we have lunch together frequently, and I will call him and have you fired for not treating me right. Now god-d*** it, give me my f****** upgrade to first class.”

(I step in.)

Me: “Sir, first class isn’t just a cabin on a plane or an upgraded seat. It’s a state of mind and a level of courtesy. If you don’t like the service by the good people of [Airline], please go fly [Airline that has a recent reputation of violently removing passengers from their planes]. I’m quite sure they’d give you the level of service you surely deserve.”

Unfiltered Story #119375

, , | Unfiltered | September 4, 2018

(I work at the TSA checkpoint, usually standing in front of the metal detector/scanner and helping the passengers on what to do, which includes giving instructions to take all the metal objects out of their pockets. A passenger lady is in front of the detector, and I’m listing the objects to put out:)

Me: “…including coins, keys, trinkets, lighters and cigarettes.”

Lady: “I don’t smoke, I am a decent woman!”

(After the lady is over with her check and off to the waiting zone. A female colleague, who is a smoker, pipes in:)

Female Colleague: “Apparently, that makes half of us whores here.”

Travelling Can Be A Terror-ble Experience

, , , , , | Friendly | September 3, 2018

(One of my best friends growing up had never been on a plane or been out of the country. He grew up on a large Midwestern farm, and was always too busy helping his family to travel more than a few hours away. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that, but I knew he wished he could visit new places one day. After college I moved away to another state, but we still talked often on the phone and online. He called earlier this year to tell me he was going out of the country for the first time; his family had been invited to a destination wedding in the Caribbean. He was really excited, and had already submitted his application for his first ever passport. I told him to have fun and take plenty of pictures. The date of the wedding comes and goes, and about a week later I get another call.)

Friend: “Hey, [My Name]. It’s [Friend].”

Me: “Hey! How was the wedding? Did you have a great time?”

Friend: “Yeah, well, the wedding was fun, and it was cool seeing the beaches. But you won’t believe what happened on the way back.”

Me: “Oh, no… Did something happen with your flight?”

Friend: “Not exactly. I found out when we were trying to reenter the US that my brand-new passport number is exactly one digit different from the passport of a guy who is wanted in more than one country.”

Me: “What?!”

Friend: “Yeah. I got to spend six hours in TSA holding while they figured out if I was this guy or not.”

Me: “Did you kind of look like this guy, too, or something? Is that why it took so long?”

Friend: “Not even a little.”

(For some additional perspective, my friend is a 25-year-old, blond-haired, blue-eyed farmer, and he was eventually told that the wanted man with the similar passport number was in his 40s, with dark hair and brown eyes, and was wanted in some kind of “white collar” criminal case.)

Me: “I’m so sorry that happened! Can you get a new passport number?”

Friend: “I haven’t checked yet, but I don’t think I’m going to be going anywhere else for a while.”

(I thought about it later. What are the odds that this could happen to someone on their first trip to another country, with a brand new passport? I don’t know yet if he’s allowed to apply for a new passport number, but I would think this would be a case where the Department of State could make an exception.)

Bringing A Knife To A Gun-Flight

, , , , | Legal | August 31, 2018

I work as a general screener at an airport, and mostly frisk for weapons, sharp objects, LAGs, and such.

A family of four comes through, and the old lady takes a while due to her pockets being full of stuff.

Her son comes back from the bag collection towards me, as my female colleague begins her sixteen steps, and starts screaming at us that they are “pure” [nationality] and she is an old woman, so how dare we search her, especially since I’m the foreigner here. I am actually the same as him, but mixed. He starts asking for our badge number and name; I’m about to get a flight supervisor as my colleague signals to me that she found a knife.

Turns out the old lady concealed a knife with an eight-inch blade under her armpit because her family told her she couldn’t bring it on the plane. She intended to use it to cut fruit.

The police and airline ask us our opinion if they should be let through or if there is a risk of more items. I look at him and say that the concealment of the item ought to automatically warrant a full search of their person and baggage. They don’t make their flight that day.

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