My high school’s band is taking a week-long trip to Ireland, where we’ll have the opportunity to perform music with an Irish school’s band at a party. We decide to bring some American snacks to give to the Irish kids at the party. Since it will be a large group, it takes an entire carry-on suitcase to hold all the snacks. I’ve volunteered to use my carry-on to do it, since I can fit my actual luggage into a suitcase that will be checked.

At the airport, a small group of us, including me, have pre-check, meaning we get to go through a shorter and faster security line. After our carry-ons have gone through the x-ray scanner, a security agent takes mine off the belt to inspect it.

Security Agent: “There’s some food in here, so we just need to look through it real quick.”

Me: “Um…”

Before I could explain, they opened it and saw it completely filled to the brim with boxes of typical American candy and snacks. I instantly went red while they started giggling. I managed to stutter out an explanation and they handed me back my suitcase. Thankfully, they were very understanding and polite, but I can only imagine how strange it must have been to see a suitcase stuffed with food and nothing else.

I’m a child, waiting in line to go through customs, which is something I’ve done often by this point in time. There’s a young, fashionable lady in front of us at the front of the line. Her suitcase has gone through and she has taken off her shoes, and she’s put her wallet and phone in the bin, but something is still setting off the metal detector. The male TSA agent helping her is confused.

Agent: “Ma’am, I just don’t know why it keeps going off! You’re sure you don’t have anything in your pockets?”

Lady: “I don’t! Except this gum, but I don’t think it would set it off.”

Agent: “Neither do I, but put it in the bin and go through again.”

The machine beeps again as she walks through.

Agent: “All right. Listen. I still don’t know what is setting off this machine. We have to pat you down, but I have to get a female agent for that.”

Lady: *Patiently* “That’s all right. I’ll wait.”

The male TSA agent leaves to find a female agent and comes back a few minutes later.

Female Agent: “Are you the one who keeps setting off the machine?”

Lady: “Yeah, and we can’t figure out why!”

Female Agent: “Hon, were you wearing those earrings when you went through? They usually don’t set off the alarm, but if that’s it, we won’t have to pat you down.”

The lady takes off her earrings, gigantic hoops that lay over her shoulders. She puts them in the bin and walks through, no problem.

Me: *Taking my shoes off* “Don’t worry; I’m not wearing earrings!”

I am at the airport about two hours before my flight is to depart. I have been through the security lines and am going to get something to eat. Then, I hear the announcement that my flight has been cancelled and I need to go immediately to a service desk to get on a new flight.

The young man at the service desk is very pleasant, but not, I think, acquainted with the realities of time and travel. My original flight was set to leave at 11:00 am and would get me to my destination at 12:30.

Employee: “We have two options. I think you’ll like the first one.”

Me: “Okay. What is it?”

Employee: “The flight leaves in a half-hour at 9:30 am and it will take you to [State that is west of my destination], then [State farther west], and then [State even farther west], then there will be a layover, and then you will turn around and fly back to destination. You should get in at 8:00 pm.”

I get anxious enough on flights without having to land and take off and land and take off, and the prospect of being on a plane — that isn’t going to Australia — for almost twelve hours is not appetizing.

Me: “What’s option two?”

Employee: “Not as good.”

Me: “Okay, but what is it?”

Employee: *Sighs* “Well, the flight won’t leave until four, so you’ll be stuck here for hours before it leaves.”

Me: “And it will get to my destination at 6:00 pm?”

Employee: “Well, yes, but flight one leaves right now!”

Me: “I’ll go with option two.”

Employee: “But option one—”

Me: “Is in the air for almost twelve hours.”

Employee: “But it’s leaving now!”

Me: “I know you are trying to help, but I would rather wait here for the 4:00 pm flight. It’s comfortable, I can have a leisurely lunch, and I get to my destination two hours earlier. Book me on that flight.”

Employee: *Grumbling* “All right. But you could be leaving now!”

I thanked him, got my new ticket, and had an overpriced but really delicious lunch at one of the restaurants that took a little longer. And my stomach wasn’t in knots. I called my relatives to tell them of the delay and told the story of my negotiations with the service desk.

To my surprise, one of my relatives was actually stunned that I thought waiting a few hours at the airport was preferable to being shoehorned into a tin box for twelve hours and being two hours later. Maybe I am missing something about the joys of being trapped in the air heading to places I didn’t plan to go?

I hurt my back the day before we go to Maui, and my mom offers to get my luggage while I sit by a small stand that’s selling flowered and beaded necklaces. The worker nods and smiles and talks to a lady walking up. The lady is about fifty and has a husband standing behind her.

Worker: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like to purchase a lei?”

Annoying Lady: “I want one beaded and one flowered.”

Worker: “Of course. The flowers come in five colors and the beaded is wood right here.”

The lady finds her items and walks back over.

Worker: “Your total is $25. Cash or card?”

Annoying Lady: *Yelling* “Are you kidding me?! Those two items should not be over $15. No, you will give them to me for $10.”

The worker steps back as the woman is in her face.

Worker: “I’m sorry, but that is the price and I cannot change it.”

Annoying Lady: “How dare you try to scam me out of my money?! My husband gave me $15 to spend. He works very hard. He is the CEO back home. Give it to me!”

She tries to take the necklace and starts to walk back.

Worker: “Ma’am, this is an airport. You think that you will not be caught on camera for shoplifting?”

She quickly drops the items and runs out of the section.

Worker: “Sorry you had to see that.”

Me: “It’s okay. It’s not your fault some people can be so entitled.”

She offered to give me a discount.

I am an American returning home from studying in the UK. I have a layover in Philadelphia and I’m going through security. My carryon has been flagged for search after the scan and a TSA agent waves me over so he can search my bag. He rifles through it and can’t find anything, and it occurs to me it’s probably a little side pocket that I have been keeping my loose change in.

Me: “There’s a little pocket there on the side.” *Points*

Agent: “DON’T REACH OVER THE GLASS!”

Me: “Sorry…”

I point again, this time keeping my hand as far from the glass as possible. The agent ignores me as he continues to go through the other pockets.

Agent: “Where is it?!”

Me: “It’s right there! It’s just change.”

He finally pays enough attention to me to see the pocket and searches it to just find a handful of British pennies.

Agent: “Listen to me. YOU HAVE TO SPEND THESE!”

He handed me my messed up bag and sent me on my way. I was left wondering when carrying money became an offense or how I would spend £0.50 worth of pennies in an American airport.