Internal Intolerance

, , , , | Related | October 31, 2018

(My grandma was born before women were allowed to vote, and so could not pass on their citizenship to their children born outside the USA to foreign fathers. Despite not being a citizen, my grandma is super Republican-American in everything she does, and age has made her a little intolerant. Since my grandma got married in the USA, we are all citizens but her. One day we are passing through customs at MIA…)

Customs Employee: *takes one look at my grandma’s Costa Rican passport* “Buenos días, señora.”

Grandma: “Good morning.”

Customs Employee: *stops checking passport and looks up angrily* “Lady, I spoke to you in Spanish. Talk to me in Spanish.”

Grandma: *screaming and in a snarky tone* “WELL, I THOUGHT WE WERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! WHERE WE SPEAK ENGLISH!”

(I am panicking in my head, thinking, “That’s it! We are getting detained! My grandma is going to get us kicked out! Is he going to make our life h***?! Am I going to have to bail my grandma out of jail? Are we both going to jail?” Instead, the Customs Employee, shocked, open-mouthed, and speechless, gives my grandma her passport, and she angrily walks away, leaving me behind.)

Me: *to employee still in shock* “Lo siento muchisisisimo.” *I am so so so sorry.*

H2-Oh, My God, That’s A Lot Of Water

, , , , , , | Working | October 22, 2018

While going through security to board my flight, my bag was pulled from the x-ray machine for further inspection. The TSA agent proceeded to pull out not one, not two, but four fairly small water bottles, each well above three ounces, all filled. I was shocked, but then I remembered: I had recently taken another trip using this same bag where I was on the go a lot and had to drink lots of water. Since I tend to overpack and the bottles were at the bottom, I had simply forgotten they were there.

This would be unremarkable if not for one thing: this was the return flight of my current trip. Somehow, the staff at the other airport did not catch four water bottles on the x-ray! Needless to say, I was slightly concerned for the agents at the other airport.

He’ll Have A Pie In The Sky

, , , , , | Right | October 1, 2018

(I work at my mother’s cafe in an airport, where we make all of our food fresh. To give an example of this situation that happens at least once a day, I will use the customer that just came to our counter. He is booked for the 2:00 flight, which usually opens the security checkpoint at 1:15. He has stepped into the cafe at 12:15. He grabs a juice out of the cooler and comes up to the counter with it.)

Me: “Hello. Will that be all, sir?”

Customer: “Ah, yeah. I’ve got two hours before my flight, so I might get something to eat later.”

Me: *knows where this is going* “All right, that’ll be [price].”

(The customer pays and takes a seat at one of our tables. An hour passes until the airport speaker comes on.)

Speaker: “For those passengers who have checked in and received a boarding pass for [flight], the security checkpoint is now open, and we ask that you please process through security in preparation for boarding.”

Customer: *comes up to the counter* “I’ll have a bacon double cheeseburger, with onion rings and a large [soda], and please make it quick because we’re about to board.”

This Trip Is The Bomb!

, , , , | Learning | September 29, 2018

(I am in college studying geology in my second year. I’m involved a trip to Italy to see the famous volcanoes Vesuvius and Etna, and to study the volcanism both on the mountains themselves and in the nearby areas. Etna is experiencing mild activity when we visit which prevents us from climbing the last 500 metres to the crater itself; however, whilst roaming the upper slopes, one of our group comes across a large, hardened slab of lava that was ejected during a previous eruption. For better or worse, such projectiles are known as volcanic bombs. Both of our teachers think this particular bomb is a great find and decide it has to come back to England with us; however, it weighs quite a bit, and the teachers don’t have the luggage weight left to carry it, so one of the students who travelled light volunteers himself to get it home. Fast forward three days. We’re leaving Italy via plane, and just as we walk into the airport one of the teachers looks around and says:)

Teacher: “Who’s got the bomb?”

Everyone Else: “DON’T SAY THAT!”

(In spite of three further mentions of the B-word, we somehow made it home without being arrested.)

Unfiltered Story #122035

, , , | Unfiltered | September 21, 2018

(I am a travler trying to get home after a multi-day interview and the flight I was on had to return to the airport after smoke got into the cabin. We were told to relocate to a new gate to board a different plane and get on our way. A flight at the gate next to us has been grounded due to weather in Philadelphia and they are having passengers get new boarding informarition. I overhear this exchange)

Customer: This is ridiculous. This flight was already delayed. Now look at your ticket and look here, the times have already changed. I don’t care about the weather in Philly. What does that have to do with anything here?

Customer’s Friend: Well they can’t land the plane.

Customer: This is still ridiculous

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