Many, MANY Red Flags

, , , , , | Friendly | January 7, 2019

(This is overheard at the gate waiting area in an airport. They both seem to be Americans by accent.)

Stranger #1: “So, what color do you see here?” *points at red*

Stranger #2: “Dark brown.”

Stranger #1: “So, you can’t see the red?”

Stranger #2: “No.”

Stranger #1: “Then what do you see as red?”

Stranger #2: “I can’t see any red.”

Stranger #1: “So, is this ‘red’ to you?” *points at purple*

Stranger #2: “That looks deep blue.”

Stranger #1: “Then is this ‘red’?” *points at actual dark brown*

Stranger #2: “Dark brown.”

Stranger #1: “You see brown! How about…?” *points at pink*

Stranger #2: “Yeah. That’s light blue.”

Stranger #1: “This?” *points at yellow*

Stranger #2: “Yellow.”

Stranger #1: “Oh, you see yellow, too!”

Stranger #2: “Yep.”

Stranger #1: “So, what’s red to you? Can you point at something red?”

Stranger #2: “I said I can’t see any red. Nothing at all will look red to me.”

Stranger #1: “There must be some color you see that looks red. Does black look red to you?”

Stranger #2: *sigh* “No… I see black.”

Me: *rolls eyes and walks away, muttering about how that’s not how being color blind works*


It’s Amazing They Even Made It To The Airport

, , | Right | January 6, 2019

(It is twenty years ago and a domestic flight, so passports aren’t needed, but you still need some sort of government-issued ID if you are old enough. I have to catch a flight home, and the employees checking boarding passes at the gate have called everyone up to board the plane. I have heard over the PA system regular announcements — every ten minutes — that you need to have your boarding pass and ID ready before getting on the plane. The boarding staff makes an announcement when they call everyone up that you need to have your pass and ID ready before getting on the plane, not to mention all the other gates that have made their announcements while I am waiting. Next to where the line is, there is a probably two-foot by four-foot, white sign with big, black, capital letters informing people that you need to have your ID and boarding pass ready. I’m a few back in the line and the first person walks up.)

Employee: “Boarding pass and ID?”

Passenger #1: *standing next to the sign* “Oh! I need ID and my pass?”

(He digs them out, hands them over, and moves on. The next person, having just watched this, responds to the request for the boarding pass and ID with:)

Passenger #2: “Oh! I needed my ID and a pass?”

(He digs them out, walks to the plane, and is followed by a woman, who is asked for her boarding pass and ID.)

Passenger #3: *surprised* “Oh! I needed to have a boarding pass and ID ready?”

Unfiltered Story #135101

, , | Unfiltered | December 28, 2018

(I had finished a meeting early and gotten to the airport soon enough to have a shot at the flight before my scheduled one, so I was in line to speak to a ticket agent instead of self-check. The guy ahead of me was apparently extremely offended at the agent’s inability to magically conjure up an extra seat on a full flight, or at least kick someone else out of one so he could have it.)

V.I.P(ITA): Don’t you know who I am?

(After a brief instant of boggling that someone actually said that in real life…)
Me: My guess is, you’re the guy whose luggage is going to Timbuktu, if you don’t quit badgering that poor girl over things she can’t change.

Mother Russia

, , , , , | Related | December 17, 2018

(I have been on holiday with my parents in Russia. We are now catching our flight home so obviously, we have to pass through border control. Although I am in my late twenties, I am baby-faced and quite short, and I dress very casually. A number of people we’ve met have assumed I am around 14 to 16, something we’ve found quite amusing. Until…)

Border control: “Passport.”

(I go first and hand over my passport. The officer looks at me, at my passport, and back at me. He frowns. He looks at my other documents and back at me, and then frowns again. He then reaches for a magnifying glass and begins to inspect my documents page by page, occasionally pausing to stare at me. My father goes through in about thirty seconds. My mother goes through after a minute or so, as she has to answer a few questions. I wait. And wait. And wait. After about five minutes, I see my parents poking their heads around to see if they’ve lost me. Another minute or two later, and I’m finally allowed through.)

Mum: “We thought we’d never see you again!”

Dad: “Come on, delinquent.”

Me: “Was it just me or did he keep me there for a really long time? I got really nervous; I thought he was never going to let me through.”

Dad: “Did he ask you any questions?”

Me: “No. I thought maybe he might ask me to take my glasses off, but…”

Mum: “You realise he thought your documents were fake, right? I could tell when I was stood next to you. He couldn’t put the teenage girl in front of him together with the 27-year-old woman your documents suggested you were.”

Me: “I have no idea. But at one point, someone else came into the booth and I thought, oh, God, I’m about to be arrested at Russian border control. But the other guy just wanted to unlock something.”

Mum: “You thought you were going to be arrested? He saw you with us. I was waiting for them to arrest us for child trafficking and was debating making a run for it.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Makes You Wonder If You Even Know Your Cousin At All

, , , , , | Friendly | December 16, 2018

(My cousin who’s working in China calls me.)

Cousin: “Hey, cuz, my debit card doesn’t work in China. Could you please buy me a ticket to fly back from Hong Kong to Singapore and I’ll pay you back later?”

Me: “Sure, just give me your passport number.”

(Since everybody calls him by his English name, I buy a ticket for Jon [Surname] without thinking about it. On the day of his flight, I get a frantic call from the Hong Kong airport.)

Cousin: “I’m having a problem checking in. My ticket says Jon [Surname].”

Me: “So?”

Cousin: “My passport says [Surname] [Chinese name].”

Me: “Dude, how was I supposed to know Jon isn’t your legal name? I didn’t even know your Chinese name!”

(Fortunately, he managed to convince the airline staff that he was the same person, and at least the passport number matched.)

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