To Them Immigrants Are A One-Way Street

| Los Cabos, Mexico | Bigotry, Tourists/Travel

(My friends and I are traveling to Cabo San Lucas for a bachelorette party at a resort. While on the plane, the flight attendants repeatedly make announcements to all the guests (both verbally walking down the halls and over the PA) that they have to fill out two forms in order to get through the international airport. One is for customs and one for immigration. They also state if we lose the bottom portion of our custom forms we will be fined $50 USD and if we do not fill out everything to completion we will be charged an additional $50 USD fee. They made these announcements for a good thirty minutes before we land. Upon arrival, we are all waiting in line for immigration. There is a middle-aged couple in front of me who I recognize was on the same flight as I was. They go up to the customs agent with a blank form.)

Customs Agent: “Excuse me, señor, señora, please step to the left and fill out your form before moving back to the line.”

Wife: “WHAT?! WHY DO WE HAVE TO FILL OUT THIS FORM? I’M NOT F****** FILLING IT OUT! I’M F****** AMERICAN! I’M NOT AN IMMIGRANT!”

Customs Agent: “Señora, we are in Mexico, not America; you will need to fill out the form and return to the line.”

Wife: “THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! I REFUSE TO BE TREATED LIKE AN IMMIGRANT! I’M F****** AMERICAN! DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?!”

(The lady is causing such a ruckus that it is holding up the line, as every other customs agent and traveler has stopped what they are doing to stare. Someone several feet behind us in line shouts:)

Other Passenger: “For f*** sake, lady, move out of the way so the ones who paid attention can f****** leave!”

(Eventually her husband, who was silent the whole time, maneuvers her off to the left to fill out the form all the while she’s screaming about being an American and not needing to go through customs and how no one told her she was required to fill out the form. I thought that was the one and only idiot who wasn’t paying attention until the bride in our party came up to me several minutes later looking confused and saying “Hey, did you know you have to fill out the whole form?!”)

Your Scam Tactics Need An Upgrade

, | Miami, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

(I work at the counter to check in passengers and I get stupid people all the time but this one takes the cake.)

Me: “Welcome to [Airline]. How can I help?”

Passenger: “Yes, I like to check in to [Destination] and also I’d like to do an upgrade, I have a doctor’s note that says I have to fly in first or business class.”

(I smile and laugh a little because I thought he was joking around but I see how serious he is and doesn’t find my laughing amusing.)

Passenger: “I don’t know what’s so funny; I have doctor’s note, so be more professional and do your job.”

Me: *after hearing that I put on a serious face and then reply* “Okay, sir, I have an upgrade available for $389. How would you like to purchase that?”

Passenger: “Don’t you understand that I have a doctor’s note?”

Me: *still with a serious face* “Well, sir, is your insurance going to cover this upgrade?”

Passenger: *with a confused face* “No, my, insurance doesn’t cover that.”

Me: “Well then, sir, you are going to have to do it like the rest of the country and pay out of your pocket.”

Your Joke Is A Complete Turkey

, | OK, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(Two customers come in looking for something quick so they don’t miss their flight.)

Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be super quick.”

Customer: “And could you add bacon to it?”

Me: “Well, I could, but that would take a while. We make all our food fresh.”

Customer: *being a smart-a*** “Oh, really? So you’ve got a live turkey back there?”

Me: *just smiles but slowly dying on the inside*

Not Getting The Signal

| Austin, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Technology

(I’m in the boarding area of an airport with my friends. I’m using my phone’s personal hotspot to share WiFi with my friends when a lady comes up to me. Keep in mind that my hotspot has a password, like any other, to keep people from using my data.)

Lady: “Give me the password to your WiFi!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Lady: “I know you have WiFi! Give me the password!”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s my hotspot–”

Lady: “GIVE ME IT!”

Me: “Ma’am. You do not understand. THIS. IS. MY. WIFI. I’m not giving you my password.”

Lady: “Fine! I’ll just get you fired for hogging the WiFi!”

Me: “Good luck, because I don’t work here!”

(My friends and I think that that’s the end of her. But only five minutes later, she brings a manager over to “get me fired.”)

Lady: “See!? That’s him! He won’t give me the WiFi password!”

Manager: “Ma’am, first, I don’t know him because he doesn’t work here. Therefore, I can’t fire him. Second, our airline’s WiFi is free.”

Lady: “But…”

Manager: “Third, I’m sure he is using his own hotspot’s WiFi, so you’re just trying to get free WiFi from him.”

Lady: “So make him give me the password!”

Manager: “No.”

Lady: “Excuse me?”

Manager: “I said no, if you didn’t hear me.”

Lady: “THE CUSTOMER’S ALWAYS RIGHT!”

Manager: “Well, in this case, you certainly are not.”

Lady: *speechless*

Manager: “Now, are you going to go back to your seat to leave these POLITE flyers alone, or do I have to get security to escort you out of here?”

Lady: *looks at me, then to the manager, then back to me, then turns 50 shades of red and clambers back into her seat*

Manager: *to me* “Well, I bet she won’t bother you anymore!”

(Later we got the best seats for being polite and not causing a commotion, and I spotted her sitting between two bratty kids!)

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Too Early To Deal With Each Other’s Baggage

| CA, USA | Popular, Technology, Tourists/Travel

(I have an early flight, and have been up since 5 am. Needless to say, I’m pretty out of it. After having some issues checking in, I finally ask for help.)

Me: “Excuse me, but this thing isn’t letting me check a bag.”

Employee: *gives me an odd look* “Well, that machine is a carry-on only one… It says so across the top.”

Me: *looking down immediately, where it says in bold letters “CARRY-ON ONLY”; needless to say, I turn bright red* “Oh, my god, I did not see that. I’m so stupid…”

Employee: *laughs* “That’s all right. Let me check your bag.” *types on the computer* “All right, I need your ID and a credit card.”

Me: “Sure.” *I hand both over*

Employee: *leaves for a moment before coming back, her head down and a self-deprecating smile on her face* “And I just tried to charge you for a free bag…”

Me: *laughs* “Well, I tried to check a bag on a carry-on only machine, so I think we’re even!”

(She was very helpful and nice for the rest of the exchange, and I left for my flight in a much better mood than when I arrived.)

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