Your Scam Tactics Need An Upgrade

, | Miami, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

(I work at the counter to check in passengers and I get stupid people all the time but this one takes the cake.)

Me: “Welcome to [Airline]. How can I help?”

Passenger: “Yes, I like to check in to [Destination] and also I’d like to do an upgrade, I have a doctor’s note that says I have to fly in first or business class.”

(I smile and laugh a little because I thought he was joking around but I see how serious he is and doesn’t find my laughing amusing.)

Passenger: “I don’t know what’s so funny; I have doctor’s note, so be more professional and do your job.”

Me: *after hearing that I put on a serious face and then reply* “Okay, sir, I have an upgrade available for $389. How would you like to purchase that?”

Passenger: “Don’t you understand that I have a doctor’s note?”

Me: *still with a serious face* “Well, sir, is your insurance going to cover this upgrade?”

Passenger: *with a confused face* “No, my, insurance doesn’t cover that.”

Me: “Well then, sir, you are going to have to do it like the rest of the country and pay out of your pocket.”

Your Joke Is A Complete Turkey

, | OK, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(Two customers come in looking for something quick so they don’t miss their flight.)

Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be super quick.”

Customer: “And could you add bacon to it?”

Me: “Well, I could, but that would take a while. We make all our food fresh.”

Customer: *being a smart-a*** “Oh, really? So you’ve got a live turkey back there?”

Me: *just smiles but slowly dying on the inside*

Not Getting The Signal

| Austin, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Technology

(I’m in the boarding area of an airport with my friends. I’m using my phone’s personal hotspot to share WiFi with my friends when a lady comes up to me. Keep in mind that my hotspot has a password, like any other, to keep people from using my data.)

Lady: “Give me the password to your WiFi!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Lady: “I know you have WiFi! Give me the password!”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s my hotspot–”

Lady: “GIVE ME IT!”

Me: “Ma’am. You do not understand. THIS. IS. MY. WIFI. I’m not giving you my password.”

Lady: “Fine! I’ll just get you fired for hogging the WiFi!”

Me: “Good luck, because I don’t work here!”

(My friends and I think that that’s the end of her. But only five minutes later, she brings a manager over to “get me fired.”)

Lady: “See!? That’s him! He won’t give me the WiFi password!”

Manager: “Ma’am, first, I don’t know him because he doesn’t work here. Therefore, I can’t fire him. Second, our airline’s WiFi is free.”

Lady: “But…”

Manager: “Third, I’m sure he is using his own hotspot’s WiFi, so you’re just trying to get free WiFi from him.”

Lady: “So make him give me the password!”

Manager: “No.”

Lady: “Excuse me?”

Manager: “I said no, if you didn’t hear me.”

Lady: “THE CUSTOMER’S ALWAYS RIGHT!”

Manager: “Well, in this case, you certainly are not.”

Lady: *speechless*

Manager: “Now, are you going to go back to your seat to leave these POLITE flyers alone, or do I have to get security to escort you out of here?”

Lady: *looks at me, then to the manager, then back to me, then turns 50 shades of red and clambers back into her seat*

Manager: *to me* “Well, I bet she won’t bother you anymore!”

(Later we got the best seats for being polite and not causing a commotion, and I spotted her sitting between two bratty kids!)

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Too Early To Deal With Each Other’s Baggage

| CA, USA | Popular, Technology, Tourists/Travel

(I have an early flight, and have been up since 5 am. Needless to say, I’m pretty out of it. After having some issues checking in, I finally ask for help.)

Me: “Excuse me, but this thing isn’t letting me check a bag.”

Employee: *gives me an odd look* “Well, that machine is a carry-on only one… It says so across the top.”

Me: *looking down immediately, where it says in bold letters “CARRY-ON ONLY”; needless to say, I turn bright red* “Oh, my god, I did not see that. I’m so stupid…”

Employee: *laughs* “That’s all right. Let me check your bag.” *types on the computer* “All right, I need your ID and a credit card.”

Me: “Sure.” *I hand both over*

Employee: *leaves for a moment before coming back, her head down and a self-deprecating smile on her face* “And I just tried to charge you for a free bag…”

Me: *laughs* “Well, I tried to check a bag on a carry-on only machine, so I think we’re even!”

(She was very helpful and nice for the rest of the exchange, and I left for my flight in a much better mood than when I arrived.)

Irrational Irradiation

| Russia, St Petersburg | Tourists/Travel

(Our inspectors group is at the TSA checkpoint, serving a line of the passengers. I’m standing in front of the x-ray, helping the passengers to load their carry-ons and clothes, when I see a lady in the line starting to fish something out from her bag.)

Me: “Excuse me; you don’t need to take anything out of your bag! Just put it on the conveyer belt as it is.”

Passenger: “Yes, I have to! How can I have my food exposed to the radiation?” *proceeds to take a rather large plastic container out of her bag and put it aside*

Me: “Excuse me, but there are rules; we need to check all of your things. Please put the box onto the conveyer belt.”

Passenger: “I’m not doing this! I’m not gonna eat irradiated food!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a normal x-ray machine, it isn’t constructed to harm people. You do x-ray in the hospital, don’t you? This one gives you even less a dose of the rays!”

Passenger: “Don’t bull-s*** me! This is not made for people; I’m not putting my lunch inside this! There’s RADIATION!”

Me: *pointing at an x-ray machine next to ours, opened for the catering guys; they’re putting packs of soda for the customer service at the departure lounge through the machine* “You see, all of our catering services have to put all their food through it as well, so there’s really nothing harmful—”

Passenger: “Ah! Good thing you said it! I’ll make it a point to never buy any food here!”

(Finally I gave up on arguing and just called a co-worker who checked the lady’s lunch box visually. In less than two minutes the x-ray operator found out she had a water bottle of a larger than allowed volume, and sure enough, there ensued another scene, where the passenger lady fiercely defended her right to keep her bottle. And, when she predictably failed in this, as the apotheosis of this all, she loudly ranted all over the checkpoint and promised to file a complaint on how we made her drink the poisonous water spiked with the awful x-ray radiation.)

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