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Studying A Meaty Subject

| Related | August 27, 2013

(My mother is flying to USA to attend my brother’s graduation from university. English is her third language, and while she understands a lot, talking is harder for her.)

Passenger: “So, where are you going?”

Mom: *very proudly* “I’m going to visit my son and attend his graduation from university.”

Passenger: “Oh, how nice. What is he graduating as?”

Mom: “A vegetarian.”

Passenger: “Oh… that’s… interesting. Did he go to university for that?”

Mom: “Oh, yes, for four years.”

Passenger: “Hmm… I didn’t know that you could do that.”

(My mom now notices how strangely the passenger is reacting to her story. She starts replaying the conversation in her head and finally a light goes on in her head.)

Mom: “No, I meant VETERINARIAN!”

He Has A Gift With Children

| Related | December 27, 2012

(My father is a large man with a bushy white beard, still tinged with his original red, and wears small, gold-rimmed glasses. He gets called ‘Santa’ by everyone from little kids to random strangers. My parents are on a flight and there is a young mother with a very problematic young boy. The mother is clearly trying very hard to control her son, but he is running all over the plane, getting in the stewardesses’ way, and generally bothering people. Suddenly, he sees my father and stops dead in his tracks.)

Boy: “It’s Santa!”

Dad: *booming* “That’s right! And if you keep acting like this, you’re not getting anything this year!”

(The boy immediately runs back to his seat, sits down and shuts up.)

Mother: *mouths* “Thank you!”

This story is part of our Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!

Read the next Terrible Airline Passengers roundup story!

Read the Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!

Volatile Liquids

| Related | October 9, 2012

(I’m on a flight with my grandmother. She is hard of hearing, so doesn’t always realize how loud she is. I’m sitting between her and another passenger who has been ordering a lot of drinks throughout the flight.)

Grandmother: “That man has had a lot to drink. You’d think he’d need to go to the toilet by now!”

Me: *trying to change the subject* “Uh-huh. Is your leg still aching?”

Grandmother: “Maybe he’s wearing a catheter!”

(I turn around and see the passenger facing the window, shaking with suppressed laughter. He mustn’t have minded though, because the next time the cart came past he offered to pay for our drinks too!)

The Economy Is Tough For Everyone

| Related | October 5, 2012

(My father and I are on a plane, and I’m asking questions about airplane hijacks.)

Me: “How do the hijackers get into the cockpit? It’s not like they can just knock on the door and say, ‘Hi, can I hijack your plane?’”

Father: “Well, it used to be like that a while ago. The cockpit door wasn’t even locked, so anybody could just walk in. But now it’s much more difficult.”

Me: *after a pause* “So, what do the hijackers do now?”

Father: “I don’t know, maybe they work at McDonald’s instead?”

Their Row Is Fully Engaged

| Romantic | October 5, 2012

(My fiancée and I are on our first flight together. On a 737, we are lucky enough to have an empty seat between us, but there is a baby behind us. As experienced travellers, we both put our ear plugs in. As the plane starts to push back, she catches my eye and mouths silently.)

Fiancée: *she spreads her arms wide and smiles*

Me: *smiling back and mouthing* “I love you this much.”

(I hold my finger and thumb about an inch apart. She pouts at me. I take her left hand in mine, and I put my finger and thumb around her sparkling engagement ring.)

Me: “This much!”

(She smiles and holds my hand as our plane roars into the sky.)