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The Mile-Cry Club

| Related | July 13, 2015

(I am seven, and my family is traveling over 4000 miles to visit my mom’s family for the first time.)

Me: “Mom? I feel sick.”

Mom: “You just need some food in your belly. Oh, here’s our meals.”

(The stewardess arrives with our meals, and one whiff is all I need to take before I start to gag.)

Me: “Mom, this is gross. I can’t eat this.”

Mom: “You’ll eat it all! Your dad and I paid for it!”

(I refuse, but Mom makes me eat it ALL. Now I feel REALLY sick. I stumble along when we land to my grandmother’s house, where my mom proudly introduces me to my grandma.)

Mom: “Mom, this is [My Name].”

Grandma: “Well, come closer. Let me have a look at you…”

(I go closer and start throwing up. Someone brings me a bag, while Mom says something about airsickness. She says nothing to me, but on the way back, she doesn’t make me eat that horrible airplane food.)

Hats Off To Bad Service

, , , | Working | May 22, 2015

(My family is on a flight back to New York City. My older brother is wearing a Yankees baseball hat.)

Flight Attendant: “Hello, what drink can I get you today?”

Brother: “I’ll have a Coke, please.”

Flight Attendant: “Before I serve you, I’m gonna need you to take off that hat.”

Brother: *thinking he is joking* “Ha, good one.”

Flight Attendant: “No, I’m serious. Take off the hat.”

(My brother made light of the situation and eventually got his Coke. My family, however, was confounded that the flight attendant was actually serious about the hat!)

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Kids Can Keep You On Your Toes

| Related | July 3, 2014

(I’m sitting in-between my little sisters who are five and seven. Most of the plane is silent.)

Little Sister #1: “If humans had x-ray vision we wouldn’t need windows. We could just see through the walls!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “That’s right.”

Little Sister #2: “Yeah. When they design the new humans they should have x-ray vision and make it so that the warm drink can go to your toes.”

Me: *confused* “What?”

Little Sister #2: “You know, when you have a hot drink, like a hot chocolate, and the warmness spreads across your chest? They should make it go down to your toes because they are always cold!”

(This conversation went on for a few minutes and the people in the rows near us all laughed their heads off.)

Not Hi In The Air

| Friendly | July 1, 2014

(My husband and I, and our two-year old daughter, are on a plane that stops in Portland. We stay on the plane, as almost everyone else gets off, walking past us since we’re in the front. As they go past, my daughter smiles and says ‘bye’ to every single person. Almost without exception, they at least say ‘bye’ back to her. In middle of this, the following occurs:)

Daughter: “Bye!”

Lady: *looks away, no response*

Daughter: “Bye, lady!”

(She is still looking away, turns her shoulder, and sighs. She’s clearly heard Daughter. She’s just not responding.)

Daughter: “Mommy! That lady didn’t say bye! Why didn’t she say bye? I said bye! Why won’t she say bye?”

Me: “Maybe she’s having a bad day, honey. Maybe she’s just not in the mood to say bye right now. She might be tired.”

(Meanwhile, there’s been a slowdown at the front of the plane. Everyone is standing still and the lady is trapped right next to us. Everyone around us is now glaring at the lady. Daughter turns to the next person.)

Daughter: “Bye!”

Next Person: “Bye! You are adorable, and SOME people are just rude!”

Lady: *stiffens, tosses head, glares at us, looks away, and stomps down the aisle away from us*

Daughter: “I did not like that lady. Bye!”

Everyone Around: “Bye!”

(She said ‘bye’ to every single person that got off, and then ‘Hi’ to every single person who got on. All of them answered her.)

Just Plane Crazy

| Related | March 27, 2014

(Two men and I are all sitting in one row of an airplane. I’m tall and willowy, and my hair is dark red. The first man is also tall, but he’s heavy and broad-shouldered and his black hair is cut very short. The second man is a small, slight man with very thin grey hair and a mustache. The flight attendant comes by to offer us drinks.)

Me: “I’ll have a Coke.”

Man #2: “I’ll have a tonic water, but could I have the full can, please?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I’d like the full can, too.”

Man #1: “I’ll have a cranberry juice, and I’ll take the can as well.”

Attendant: *jokingly* “Now see what you’ve done. You’ve got everyone started!”

Man #2: “It’s a nice change. They listen to me so rarely.”

(The attendant looks completely blank until I speak up.)

Me: “This is my dad and that’s my brother. Our mom comes from a tall family, and I dye my hair.”