Blessing In The Skies

| Related | June 18, 2012

(I am on a plane, and a mother and her young daughter are sitting in front of me. The daughter is mostly well-behaved, though inquisitive.)

Daughter: *looking out the window at the clouds* “Mommy, I learned that heaven is up in the sky.”

Mother: “Yep.”

Daughter: “Is that heaven, outside?”

Mother: “Yes, honey, it is.”

(There is a pause as the daughter focuses on the clouds.)

Daughter: *accusingly* “But I don’t see God or Jesus anywhere!”

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Forget Bread-cake, This One Is A Fruit Cake

| Related | February 3, 2012

(We are on a flight back from a holiday in Spain. After a fantastic holiday, we’re all in a very good mood, having a good laugh and generally being a bit silly. The meals are served to us. Each meal is a fairly standard airline meal, with bread-cake (or bread roll) and butter, and a small dessert. My mum’s meal doesn’t have a portion of butter with it, but does have a bread-cake.)

Mum: *turning to me and my little brother* “I would like to introduce you, to the lonely bread-cake. This bread-cake is all alone in this world. The bread-cake, does not have any friends. You see, your bread-cakes have butter for friends, and each main meal has a dessert for a friend. The coffee has milk to talk to, but not my bread-cake. This bread-cake was abandoned, back when it was merely a ball of dough. No one to love it, care for it, or play with it. No one to tuck it in on a night, tell it bed time stories, or to comfort it when sad. I, however, will love the break-cake as though it were my own. I shall ensure that this bread-cake is no longer lonely, I will be its friend. I will be there to comfort it, and I for one, will not eat this bread-cake. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the no longer lonely bread-cake.”

(She gives the bread-cake a hug before putting it back on the tray. She eats the rest of her food, but refuses to eat her new found friend.)

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Kids Put Urine To A Tight Spot

| Related | January 31, 2012

(We have just landed in rough weather and the plane is still shaking violently as we taxi in. The seat belt lights are on and the stewardess has again told everyone to remain seated. The little boy across the aisle wakes up suddenly, with panic on his face.)

Boy: “Mommy, I need to go.”

Mother: “Just sit still. We are nearly there.”

(The boy tries to squirm free, despite his mother keeping a tight hold on him.)

Boy: “But, I need to go to the toilet now.”

Mother: “Just wait. We have to stay in our seats.”

(The little boy’s face is now bright red, and he shouts at the top of his voice.)

Boy: “Mommy, some of my pee pee is coming out, now!”

(Realizing catastrophe is imminent, she does what only a mother could: she grabs him and runs zigzag down the aisle to the toilet.)

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The Bigger The Lie, The Higher They Fly

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(The captain of our aircraft has stepped off to get some paperwork while customers are boarding. One passenger looks up front and turns to our flight attendant.)

Passenger: “Why is there only one pilot up there?”

Flight Attendant: “She is the first officer. The captain will be back in a bit.”

Passenger: “Can they fly the plane with only one pilot?”

Flight Attendant: “The other pilot will be back in a moment. He is taking care of some paperwork.”

Passenger: “Why are there two seats if there is only one pilot?”

Flight Attendant: *gives up* “Well, sir… actually, she is just setting up the airplane and telling it where to go. In a few moments, she’ll push the start button and leave. The plane will fly us all the way there with no pilot at all.”

Passenger: “Oh! That’s neat!” sits down, apparently satisfied*

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Come Fly The Stupid Skies

, , , , | Right | February 3, 2009

(I am flying in first class when two women sitting across the aisle from me buzz the flight attendant.)

Flight Attendant: “What can I help you with?”

Passenger #1: “The plane seems to be shaking a lot, and I almost spilled my bottle of water.”

Passenger #2: “Yeah, and it’s also really noisy. We can barely hear each other talk.”

Flight Attendant: “Well, the shaking is the turbulence that the plane is flying through, and the noise is coming from the engines.”

Passenger #2: “Can’t you turn off the engines?”

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